[justfloating]

I'm not eating. It's not exactly that I've lost my appetite so much as that I don't enjoy food anymore, to the point that I lost over 10lbs in three months and I walk around trembling because I can only manage about one meal a day. I'm not doing it on purpose, I just hate eating. Nothing tastes good, nothing gives me any kind of satisfaction. I thought it was because I'm a student and pretty much spent the last two years living on cafeteria food, but it's extended to everything, even my mother's cooking (which is the most soothing, delicious food on the planet). I don't know if it's because I find it such a chore to sit down and have a meal, because I don't have the energy to so much as make myself a bowl of cereal, or what, but I get absolutely no satisfaction from eating anything. Sometimes I don't mind eating fruits but that's about it. My meds and therapy have started kicking in so that I am having a lot of really good days, but even in the best mood I have absolutely no desire to eat, not even if I'm starving. When I finally do force myself to eat -- and every time I eat anything, it's forced -- I can only manage tiny portions. I can't even finish a small salad anymore.

This has nothing to do with my weight. Body image has never been a problem for me. I never thought I was a bad weight before -- in fact, I think I'm starting to get too skinny! I don't like running into people I haven't seen in a while because the first thing they say is "You lost weight!" and then they ask if I've been sick and I lie and say that I do a lot of walking to get to class (which I do, but not nearly enough to burn off that much weight). I've kept my depression a secret from a lot of friends, but I'm worried that people take one look at me and know something is wrong, and I get uncomfortable because I'm convinced they know I'm not being honest. At the same time, the people who DO know that I'm depressed are getting really worried. My mom thinks I'm going to make myself sick if I lose much more weight, and I agree with her. I hate freaking her out but I don't know how to fix this. How do you have a balanced diet when the thought of eating even your favourite foods is about as appealing to you as eating rocks?

Is this part of the depression? I know that losing joy in things and not having the energy to complete simple tasks like getting dressed are part of the symptoms -- I've experienced both. Have I just lost the satisfaction I felt from eating, or should I be worrying that this is something else? I'm not sure what to do. I think I'm starting to starve myself, but I'm not doing it on purpose!!

[madisgram]

i could soooo relate to your not wanting or feeling like you can't eat. for me it was the depression that caused this. some meds for depression can curb your appetite but i feel, imho, that it's the depression that still lingers somewhat. i'd give your pdoc a call and go see him/her. discuss this problem. see if you can find a solution, even if it's a small but workable solution.
what worked for me was ice cream or cereal. easy to make and the ice cream required no effort on my part to eat. you can also make milk shakes, fill them with bananas or any fruit you like but bananas are very good for your potassium levels too.
if you are up to it i'd suggest some very brisk walks. excercise can decrease your depression. it makes feel good chemicals in the brain. this will also speed up your recovery from depression and probably help with the appetite prob.
so please, i hope you will trust me on this....i had the same symptoms. i had to force feed myself to just live. nothing i ate was enjoyable, that's why i tried the icecream. puddings too. anything that takes the minimal amount of energy to eat but nutritional too. the fruit is good for you too. glad you are doing that.
please let us know how you are doing. i'm so glad you wrote about this. now you know someone else had this same depressive tendancy. my baby sister is the same way with her depression. now she is on meds as i am, they are working, and she has regained her weight. i did too. i was skin and bones before i got help.
you are already hooked up with a pdoc. hope you will discuss this with him. he can help you with this.
hope anything i've posted here will help you. you matter! you can pm me anytime if you wish too.

[justfloating]

Thanks madisgram, it's good to know this isn't just me. I'm going to give the doctor a call. It gives me hope to know you got through this. It makes it seem less impossible, so thank you.

[Puffyprue]

((((((((((((((justfloating))))))))))))))

[PLEASE_STOP]

It's weird that you mentioned not being hungry while depressed. Same here. In the morning I'll have a cup of coffee (DECAFF!), with a half of bagel (low fat), and no lunch, and then dinner, (hardly anything). I don't loss weight though.

[Iamwho]

Justfloating, Maybe time or adjusting meds will help.
My husband started only eating ice cream after
increased family stresses with his grown daughters and pregnant grand daughter. He is on antidepressants and antianxiety meds.
and was better before the extra stress.
Please let us know how you are doing.

[turquoisesea]

Although this symptom was not a constant for me it happened sometimes. ((((justfloating)))))

Hope your doctor has some ideas for you, not sure if it's a side effect of meds, the depression or both but I'm sure there can be a solution

[Elana05]

Hi Rebecca,

Make sure to talk to your pdoc too, this could be a SE of medication. I hope you will keep forcing yourself to eat. Even if it isn't enjoyable, you will feel better physically as you work to get this symptom figured out. Your brain and body need the fuel. If fruit is a bit better, then do more of it.

Sending supportive thoughts your way. Elana

[online user]

You might try some of those high calorie, nutrition drinks, like Ensure. Then you could be sure you are getting enough nutrients to keep you healthy and it might be easier than eating. Worth a try! Good luck to you!

How are you doing, Rebecca?

[justfloating]

Well, lesson to be learned. When you don't take care of your body, your body will retaliate. I collapsed yesterday while ordering dinner. One minute I was fine and the next this nice lady is propping me up on the floor and asking if I'm okay. It was a) terrifying, b) embarrassing and c) quite the wakeup call. My original post about not eating properly is actually rather old and I was doing better with my nutrition until lately. I've had a couple of really bad weeks that left me more or less catatonic and definitely not taking care of myself properly. Apparently this bad behaviour caught up with me. The scary part is that even now the thought of eating anything, of getting dressed and going outside, of the remotest bit of exercise or even engagement in the world is just draining. I'm used to the depression hitting me for a few days and then receding but that hasn't happened. It's been several weeks of this and I think it's safe to say that it's definitely not going away on its own. Time to get back to the doctors and therapy.

Thanks so much for your concern, all. I wish I could be around more but I have so little energy that it's been difficult just getting here most days.

[A2FMUrs]

Definitely a symptom of depression...and it can go the other way too...overeating...
When I am feeling physically ill...food is not on my priority...Mom said she always knew when I was getting better, cause I would get hungry. Same with emotional and mental stuff..no hungry, don't care about self hygiene, daily routines stop, time loss..etc. Luckily, when conscious of the path I'm on..I will force myself to do those things...even when it doesn't seem to matter...and on that path, I do find it does matter...fight back!

[online user]

Thanks for checking in...hope you can get at least the nutrition part going back in the right direction...the rest WILL follow if you can hang in there! Hugs again!

[Elana05]

Thinking of you today...

Keep taking care.
Glad to hear you will get back to the doc. I know it isn't easy, especially with energy at 0, if not in the negative digits. Rebecca, have you read the Noonday Demon by Andrew Solomon? Not exactly cheery, but I felt the benefit of knowing how deeply someone could relate. Hugs to you.
Hang in there. You are important and you deserve to feel better...

E.

[turquoisesea]

((((Rebecca))))) oh dear!!! I'm so sorry that happened, please see the doctor I hope he/she can do something to help!