Nothing seems to be helping. I go to see the gp tomorrow but that's feels like too far away and too soon all at the same time. I want it to go away, I wish it would change. But then I really don't want anyone I love to be hurt. I can't breathe, I feel numb and my chest is closing up. It's like I know that tomorrows the last chance then that's it, I'll know then if things can change or not. And if not...

These thoughts and feelings feel too much, yet at the same time they hardly feel real. This is the only place I can open up to right now, and still I feel like I'm wasting everyones time.
I don't want to die, but I can't see an alternative. I can't see past these feelings and thoughts, I can't see them ever going away.
I don't no what to do, I don't want to have to deal with it anymore. I'm only 15, I can't begin to imagine how it will get worse as time goes on - what kind of hole will I be in in a year or two even if it keeps going at this rate?

I'm sorry for wasting your time, I just don't no what to do. I'm just so scared and alone.

[Miss Laura]

Hey Jess,

Your not wasting anyone's time at all so no more of that talk OK!!!

I think you really need to talk to your folks!!

I think this is your only option at the mo. You need some real life adult contact and we are not real and not with you. You need your parents

I'm too afraid of hurting them. They are so happy I don't want to ruin everything. I really really dont no what to do when telling them cant be an option. I'll just leave it until tomorrow and hopefully tell the gp. :/

[Leed]

Hi dear Jess -- did you know that suicide is a permanent solution to a TEMPORARY problem??? Things aren't always going to be this way!!! Being a teenager is the HARDEST thing you'll ever do. Hormones are changing -- you're growing up too fast -- kids don't know what they want or how they're supposed to feel about anything! Their emotions are all screwed up because their hormones are screwed up. It's a physical thing -- you can't HELP the way you feel. Being a teenager is extra DIFFICULT!! I would NEVER go back to that age again . I was so unhappy, that I can't even begin to tell you. I wanted to die too, but I'm so glad I didn't.

Life is wonderful Jess -- great things happen when you're older. But right now, you're a minor and you don't have a "say" in anything. You're under your parents thumb, and you have to do as you're told, which is as it should be. You're not old enough to make important decisions. I didn't understand that at your age, so I was unhappy.

Believe me -- when you get a little older, things will straighten out, and you WON'T feel this way. But for the time being, you NEED to tell your doctor exactly how you're feeling!!! It's VERY important. Don't hold anything back. He can help you. So please -- hold on until you see him. You are needed in this great world. And please let us know what happens after your doctor's appointment, ok?? WE DO CARE ABOUT YOU. Love, & hugs, Lee

Thankyou. Im sorry for wasting everyones time i truly am.

[Miss Laura]

Honey your not wasting anyone's time ok!!!

[Leed]

What are you TALKING ABOUT??? You are NOT wasting anyones time!! I answered you because I WANTED TO. Now stop taking about being a waste!!!

Please -- you and I could become friends. I don't feel like losing a friend, for heavens sakes.

Now please stick around and talk to us, ok? Hugs, Lee

I agree with the people who have replied. Your not wasting people's time. They want to help you. Think about the people who will be hurt if you did commit suicide. Don't commit suicide. I know life sucks sometimes, my life sucks sometimes because people being horrible to me and my mum saying nasty things to me. You feeling down won't last forever. I know I'm not good at giving advice but I'm trying my best to help you.

[turquoisesea]

just wondering - you've said you're only 15 and you can't imagine this getting worse?

that's something important it means you need help! Good for you coming here to reach out for it. I'm assuming your parents don't know? Have you ever considered including them?

Have you considered seeing a therapist? There would be some differences given that you are under 18 but therapy can be VITAL in recovery and treatment of these troubles.

[embracinglife]

Jess!!! please talk to someone about this. I know it is hard for me to tell my parents sometimes when I have had suicidal thoughts...for various reasons. But believe me, they would much rather know that now than to have to find their child who had killed themselves. it would be one of the most devastating things in the world for them.

It's not your fault that you're feeling this way. Just keep repeating that, it's not your fault! There is a solution, and doctor's and therapists are really there to help all of us, including you. Trust your doctor's and therapists. They have gone to a lot of school to learn about how to help people, especially people who feel the way you do. There are medicines that can make you feel better, and people to talk to that care about how you feel.

Please keep updating us on how you are doing. And try to get a good nights sleep tonight, maybe that will help.

[Sunna]

Jess, you are not wasting our time. We worry about you. You sound in soooo much pain, and help that you need is so close, you just need to reach for it.

We hear you. We believe you when you say that you feel these feelings will never go away, but they will.

You are like someone in a horrible physical pain, like they broke their leg in 100 places, and it hurts and feels like it will hurt like that forever. Pain is like that, but it won't be forever. Once they get into the hospital, with a painkiller drip, the pain will be soothed, and they will be able to breathe. Then doctors will fix the break, put it in the cast, and it will heal, slowly, and it will be a while before you can walk again, but you will.

Your mind is like that at this moment. Broken and hurting like it will never stop. But just like the physical pain, your pain can be soothed, and then the wounds can then be slowly healed. Believe it.

Please dear Jess, reach for the help! Pick up a phone and call teen suicide hotline, or call your mom and dad, they will get you the help you need.

[EvilManiac]

I know exactly how this feels. Get some help ASAP... I was in your situation and I didn't reach out. I started to get better when I finally did get some help and I'm still working on my problems but the sooner you get help the sooner you can feel better.

[unr3achable1tch]

Of course you're not wasting anyone's time . I've been through a rough patch of bad suicidal thoughts when I was 16. It was horrible. I had even set a date to kill myself. But then something happened...the day came and I simply didn't feel like it. I actually cared for the first time in weeks. I have to say, that came from God. Nowhere else. And it saved me. Whatever you do, hold on to that small voice in your head that speaks reason, it will make the biggest difference in your life right now. If you believe in God, embrace him.

Plus...if you give in to your thoughts, I'll kill you! .

Thankyou so much, i've never felt more like people understand before and really that people have been through the same and are okay now. I think I'm going to tell my gp everything in my appt today, I'm just not sure how to tell my parents though I thought maybe write it down or something, I just don't know, I feel so stupid. I got to sleep at like half 12 but was up at 3 then 6 then 8. I just cant stop worrying about it, as if today I'm using my last chance and am totally relying on it, that I'm scared about what will happen. What do you think they'll do? I've already had a suicide attempt before which ended me up in hospital (everyone seemed supportive, but they didn't really want to help), so I know my parents will overreact and this will really hurt them. But what will the gp do? Is there anything they can do once I've told them and im really worried.
Thankyou for being so wonderful, it means more than you know for me.
~ Jess

[Can't Stop Crying]

I have a 15 year old son who is suicidal...I can honestly tell you that nothing would hurt me more than having him in pain and him not telling me. That's what parents are for...being your life raft when you feel like you're sinking. I know it's hard, but try to talk to at least one of your parents, you shouldn't have to be alone with these feelings!

Be honest with you're gp...he can be your safety net right now. He can't help you if he doesn't know what's really going on. We're here to support you, but I think you need someone IRL to lean on right now

Take care of yourself - you matter!

Yes, Thankyou so much. I think I will just tell the doc everything. I think my parents would rather hear it from me though wouldn't they, so I have to make sure she let's me tell them myself. I wrote a really long letter - because i struggle to not lie and make out it's not as bad when I say it. They won't mind it in a letter right?
I'm really scared but keep telling myself I have to tell them or. It will never change.
I just want to no what they will do? I'm really worried. I just want to curl up in bed all day and not get up.
I just want it all to go away and be normal

[Can't Stop Crying]

I can't be sure what your parents will do...I can tell you what I did with my son...I told him I loved him, I told him I would always be on his side, I told him we would fight this together. He is currently in therapy and on meds.
Some of your words sound exactly like what he tells me, it breaks my heart to see him in so much pain, but it would be so much worse to think of him trying to deal with this alone!

[Can't Stop Crying]

BTW - a letter is an excellent way to honestly let your parents know what is going on!

Thankyou so much. What do you think the doc will do though? And i've decided I am going to just tell everything. (hopefully - fingers crossed -)
Thankyou for being so great, I hope you and your son are both okay.

[Can't Stop Crying]

Doc might adjust meds, help you come up with a safety plan (ie - a list of social support, activities that make you feel good, hotline numbers if you're desperate, etc.) It's hard to know exactly for sure - every doc is different. Whatever he does, it will be in your best interest. I know it sucks to hear that - but docs are there to provide whatever help we need. I wish I could give you a more definitive answer...

I'm not on any meds, and Thankyou. I wish I knew a definately answer but I guess I'll know later. Thankyou again it really means a lot.

[Can't Stop Crying]

Hang in there...I'll be thinking of you today and hoping all goes well!

You are in my thoughts, Jess95. I wish you well.

[Leed]

I'm with you too Jess. Keeping you in my prayers. Love, Lee

I told the doc everything and she's going to help me. She hasn't made me tell my parents yet, but I know next time I go to see her she's going to want me too isn't she :/ I was going to give my parents the letter, but the gp wanted to keep it to send a copy to some people who can help me or something I don't no.
So yeah, I chickened out of telling them anyway. :/ I'm just waiting for a right time I guess. Thankyou all for being so supportive it really means a lot thankyou I know I would never have told anyone if it wasn't for everyone on here. Thankyou. Jess x