Suicidal thoughts are getting too real. Really need advice.

Hmm, well young Jess, yours is the first long thread I've read here so if I may add my two cents . . .
I was also depressed at 15 and I'm depressed again later in life due to an accumulation of events one supposes. Nevertheless I would prefer being 15 again.
Meds are okay and can help cushion you so that you can function better; they are not a cure. If the source of your depression is something you can change, like your weight for example, then you can get more exercise and eat better, and the depression should abate. If it's caused by something intractable, like you're gay and don't want to be, then you can learn to appreciate this instead of seeing it as a handicap; growing up means becoming more-and-more who you really are, not who you imagine others want you to be. If it's just a chemical imbalance the meds can be adjusted over time to be most effacacious and you may also benefit from a therapist or therapy group of some kind.
I hope some of this is worthwhile. I am a mess myself so I'm not in the best position to advise you but I wanted to feel useful. But 15 is too early to give up, I know that for a fact.

Thankyou, but I feel like I've already given up. Inside I know I have, I don't see how to change it. I've been trying so hard to persuade myself out of it but its too late. I'm tired of trying to change things and I'm tired of pretending and im tired of being tired. I'm sorry that you have all gone to so much effort to help me, and that i havnt changed. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for being ungrateful I know my life is good and I have nothing to feel like this for, I wish I cod change it but I can't, and Im sorry.

Change is always possible my dear. It's impossible NOT to change, at least in small ways (((((Jess))))) give it time. With time comes many many things, many possibilities both good and bad.

You sounds like your struggling with feelings of guilt and self dislike at the least - why are you being so hard on yourself?

Thankyou.
I just wish I knew HOW to make it change for the better no the worse. :/ an I guess I be hard on myself because I hate that I'm like this, and I feel like a bad person if that makes sense...

Feel is the keyword here. Just because you feel that way doesn't make it true. I think it speaks more of the nature of depression than anything.

Thankyou that's a better way of looking at it.