Suicidal thoughts are getting too real. Really need advice.

Good job for telling!

Jess that's fantastic news WELLDONE xx

Jess,
I'm so proud of you for talking to the doc!! I knew you could do it.
You're going to get the help you need.
Do you think you could re-write your letter? That would be your next step, then you could give it to your parents, so that they can be behind you in your treatment. You're going to need them and their support to get you through.
Please let me know what's going on,
JJ

THAT'S WONDERFUL JESS!!! I'm so proud of you!! You're on the road to recovery!! This will turn out to be the best thing you could have done.

I'm going to keep close track of you. God bless & please keep us posted. Love, Lee

Thanks guys all those posts nearly made me cry i'm so grateful for you all. I guess writing a new letter would be a good idea to give to my parents. They were supportive last time... Well mainly mum, dad doesn't really get it. But I think I have to tell them.
I just don't know when the right time would be, because i'm not going to be home until late on Sunday, then I have exams Monday Tuesday Wednesday, so will be concentrating on them and don't want to tell them at a bad time. Then by Thursday it really seems too late to tell them. I might tell them tomorrow, but I'll only be home like an hour. Maybe I'll tell them on Sunday, then I won't be worrying about telling them in my exams, not that I'll do any good anyway I can never concentrate the same these days. Yes, Sunday, I'll come home earlier and just tell them... I think.
Thankyou so much everybody. Xx

Jess I'm so proud of you for telling your doctor everything. That is such a positive, wonderful step! Best of luck with everything. We are always going to be here for you. Recovery is a hard process...but it is always worth it. Don't worry what your parents or doctor or anyone else will think. You are doing the right thing by speaking up and voicing what you need.

Darling,

Despite us being in different situations, from what you describe here, we feel exactly the same way.
Which means, that I can honestly say, THINGS WILL GET BETTER.
Seriously honey. They will. And if you're seeing your gp, youre definately on the right track to getting out of this.
Plus, if I can continue to live and have reason, then you, who is at least 2 years younger than me and is actively seeking help, can.

Dont you ever feel like youre wasting our time.
What are these forums for, if not to let out your darkest innermost feelings to people who will listen and respond?? You're just as worthwhile as anyone else in the world, including those most well known, well respected people. You are important too.

If you ever need me, I will be here. You can private message me if you ever want to speak not on the forums.
You will never be wasting my time, because I care.

Love to you my dear. xxx

Thankyou so much x

Hey Jess, when we look into the future we always make it seem more black than it will be.`My Dad told me something like that. Good luck.

I no I said I would, but I can't tell my parents. I just can't. I'd rather deal with it alone 10x worse than have to bring them into it. I can't keep hurting and disappointing them, I don't want to be their failure dissappointment of a daughter any more.
They get enough stress and trouble without me adding to it. I have managed without them until now then I can carry on dealing with it without them. I love them too much to do that to them again. I no it sounds like such a stupid decision to make, it partly does to me too, but from where I am it seems right. And it has never seemed right to tell me parents / bring them into it.
The doctor never said anything about me having to tell them, she didn't say that (or maybe she thinks I would tell mum anyway because the first time I ever saw her mum took me and fed her a load of rubbish about me telling her everything which wasn't exactly true, I think mum just thought that would make it seem better or something... I don't know) anyway, if it was important to tell them then the gp would have made me. I no the councellor got in touch with mum 3 weeks ago, but that's only because she's the school councellor and has to over react like that right? And it wasn't hard to make mum believe she was over reacting. Because mum want it all to be fine. I know how much it means to her that i'm all fine and I want her to be happy so want her to keep thinking that. I know that sounds kind of contradictory, because that makes it sound like I should tell her, but it makes sense to me.
I'm sorry i'm rambling on and wasting your time. Jess x

hun, how would you be hurting or disappointing them by telling them? And when have you done this to them before if you don't mind me asking?

Stress and trouble is a part of everyone lives. I felt very similar to the way you do 3 years ago. Eventually my parents found out. And I wish I had told them sooner, all they wanted to do was help and be supportive. and though in some cases this can cause trouble if your parents love you there are ways to work with them. Thing is your parents are in the best position to help you. You probably can continue without them - and I"m so VERY PROUD OF YOU that you told your doc . Honestly that's the most important decision you've made thus far. So it's up to you but I thought I'd give you my perspective on it.

Take care!

I'm so sorry. I have wasted all of your times. You have all been so amazing and supportive and given me great advice, and I feel so guilty for that, because I honestly wish I could make myself care and want to make an effort. But i'm just so tired. I just feel like giving up
I have no enregy to pretend anymore. I'm just going to be whatever I can. i just don't care anymore, who knows, maybe my parents will realise somethings not right, I don't care who knows or what they think, I don't care about myself, I don't have it in me to keep pretending.

Do you have to pretend? The only one who's making you pretend is you! I hate pretending like that - and you don't have to! ((((((Jess)))))

I'm hoping for the best. Don't give up - you can get better!

Jess, did the doctor give you any meds? Having no energy can be a symptom of depression and medicines can help with that. I respect your decision to not want to tell your parents and I understand where you are coming from. I am really glad that you told your doctor though and that you are seeking help. That is very mature of you.

No she didn't give me any meds. I do have no energy, i've been in my room doing nothing all day, sleeping and whatever, I just don't want to get up.I just don't have the energy to do anything. I didn't think much of it, I just thought I wasn't getting enough sleep lately.

Jess,

What you are describing is pure depression. I get like that when I am depressed, actually I am going through that stage that your at now!!

I have pushed myself to get up and shower....

Try and get up.... even if it's to go wash your face

xxxx

So if you told the doctor everything--about having suicidal thoughts and things, what is the next step? Did the doctor refer you to a pdoc or a therapist? I think medications and therapy would both be helpful as they have been for me.

She's referred me to speak to someone from camhs, not sure exactly what that means but that was before I told her everything. When I told her everything she didn't really explain what is going to happen very much, she was just rushing to get someone to send a copy of the letter I wrote to someone (she didn't tell me exactly who she was sending it to :/) but she arranged for me to go and see her again on the 9th I guess I'll know what will happen then.
She gave me a number and told me to ring it if I need to come and see her and she'll get me in straight away. But I'm not really sure what's going to happen. I didn't put anything about the no energy stuff, I just thought it was just me not getting enough sleep or something and didn't think it was connected, well I thought it could be but I didn't think it was important.
I tried going downstairs to get a drink, but I came straight back up again because mum start moaning at me for being upstairs all the time so i'm just sat on my floor, I didn't reach the bed or the bean bag, um just kind of sat leant against the door. :/

I just googled CAMH and I think they sound good!!

They seem to really help people. Plus they give support to your family too which would be beneficial don't you think?

I apologise as I thought you were in the UK and have been giving you numbers for the UK helplines... so I apologise on that front

There is a number that you can call if you think you need to.

Jess all the info on the webpage seems very positive

I think you will be fine, how you feeling now?

xx

I am in the uk.
And I didn't really want to look into it, I thought i'd feel worse because it would be for crazy people or something, but I might look it up if it seems okay.
Thankyou. X

And i'm not sure how i'm feeling now, kind of dead. Like a zombie, :/ i'm trying to get some revision done to distract me but my heads not working, i'm not taking in a single thing so that failed. I'm trying music again. X

Hey Jess,

Apologises I missed a letter out lol.... camhs is what I was meant to look up.

Its your choice to check it out... I don't know if it might trigger you or not... Get the music going and see if you can go back to the revision in 30 mins it might be theraputic for you

xx

Yeah, thankyou. I got sick of my music, i've heard it all before and its just annoying me if I'm honest. I tried writing but its too much energy, this is taking a lot but I don't want to stop being on here and let myself stay like this because it won't help. X

Jess you're so strong just for going through what you're going through. Do you think waiting until the 9th will be too long? That's good at least that there is a follow-up scheduled...so hopefully we can give you enough support on here until things get figured out.

I think it could be too long, and I don't see the councillor until the 11th, but I can go earlier if I needed too, but I doubt I will because I don't want to take up too much time. Thankyou. X