So low

i can't handle this anymore I have been here suffering my own damn thoughts since I was nine and I'm 31 and I hate this so low so low so low I can't even find the right words anymore.
Pain.
Mental illness
Self injury
physical disorder
I am so tired.

I can't ring those helplines because I feel guilty, guilty for dissapointing my family, guilty because there are people far worse off than me.
I am cut down and battered.
What the hell do I do?????????????????

You reach out for help now.!.......I have done the same thing......don't want to call my Dr. because I am too proud to say I am getting sick again. Think I have to be perfect and I can beat my depression by self-will. We still think depression etc is a sign of weakness but if your cancer returned I know you would be right on that phone to get an immediate appointment!! Why do we still think mental illness in any form can be cured by self will!!!!! We listen to people who know nothing about us and think they are right. THEY ARE NOT...SO CALL!!
hugs and love!!!

There's always someone worse off than you, there's always someone better off than you. What matters is you. don't feel guilty for wanting help =)

Missbelle is right--you deserve help as much as anyone! If you feel like phoning someone would help you, go ahead and do it. Just because you have struggled for a long time does not meant you shouldn't reach out for help. Doesn't make you a failure--makes you human. You matter.