[ArtieGallow]

I realized that, I am alone. I have no one. Everyone kept telling me that I can talk to them. That they all want to help. But, when I finally do talk to them, they tell me that I just need to forget it all. That feeling that way over it was me being overly dramatic and for me to ignore all that, all my feelings, and just focus on school. Do school and do work and ignore everything.
That is what I have been doing the past nine years. It all bottled up. It all caught up to me. It was drowning me and I just couldn't handle it anymore. It was like the water has been slowly rising for the past nine years. More rapidly in the recent years. Finally it got so high that I couldn't escape it. I was drowning and no one cared.
God, my family actually believed that I did it all for their attention. Honestly, I have been trying to get away from them. Away from it all. I am just so tired. The only thing giving me hope is my love. In a few short months, I will be with my love. That is the only thing keeping me going right now.

[online user]

Glad you have something to keep you going. You express yourself very well--the water analogy and drowning. I think that is very descriptive and what happens to people when they bury "issues" that are bothering them. It builds up and overwhelms them, out of proportion to maybe the event at hand. Hope you have had some release along the way, even if those in whom you confided have not seemed to relate to you. Do take care--!

[Phit-Phit]

im sorry that u feel that way but not everyone that can offer advice will tell u to forget it and im verry happy that u have something to keep u goin

Hello

You're not alone. There are people who are going through the same thing. There are people on here who will give you advice and support you.

[Maria38Divine]

Hi Artie, I understand your pain and I'm glad that even with all the obstacles you face, you have a place here where you can share what's on your mind and get meaningful support. I agree with you, simply focusing on external matters such as school won't diminish your hurt, it will only suppress it and leave you with more pain in the future. Keep sharing and reaching out.

Big hugs for you

Artie,

I have a question for you, and I hope you will take it in a spirit of empathy and curiosity. Why would you say that you are alone while you have "my love"? I mean, I understand that he/she is not with you right now, but you still have this person's love, apparently, and your reunion to look forward to. It is just the interim that you cannot stand? Because this feeling of being so alone seems to be rather hopeless. I feel that way too most of the time. Like right now. But I imagine that if someone out there loved me and wanted to be with me, that would be enough. I think I might still feel sad, and sometimes lonely, but not totally, hopelessly alone. Most of us are alone most of the time in the sense of not being present with and truly connected to people that love us. I am not saying you should not feel how you feel, but at face value it doesn't entirely make sense to me, so I wonder if you understood why you feel so alone you could help yourself feel better. I feel totally alone most of the time, even though I know there are people that love me. But I don't feel like those people are available enough or express love enough, and I don't know how to receive it when it is there, either. My therapist has been trying to get me to see that the problem is that I am disconnected from myself, that I do not know how to love myself, so that other people's esteem and affection has no where to land, and no where to take root. Do you think that might also apply to you, if it is true?

[ArtieGallow]

Hopefor; What I mean by I am alone is that I am alone. Yes, I do have 'My love' and I will with her soon.
But, why I feel alone is that, a while back, I pushed, or rather shoved, everyone away from me. I made it to where I was alone, just so I could have a few moments to think clearly. Everyone was always with me. Around me. Near me, in one form or another. I just needed, wanted, space from everyone and everything at that moment in time. But now, I do not wish to be alone and I had pushed my love so far from me, that she could not possibly reach me. So now, I am working to pull her back in, so we both are not alone.
Though, at the moment, I am alone.

[Xacatecas]

I know about how you feel! Then you are alone for so long that even if someone does reach out to you, you either don't see that they are, or can't relate to it as well as you used to be able to.

[ArtieGallow]

Exactly. This isn't what I really wanted though. It just kind of happened. February wasn't my month. Nor was January. Hopefully though, March is alot better.

[missbelle]

thanks for posting!!!!!Glad you are here at the forum!!!