[kvinneakt]

Here comes the beginning of the awful, dreaded "holiday season." I don't like it for a variety of reasons. Topping the list is the cycle of mandatory office social events of which I just endured the first for the past hour.

There are very few social occasions where I do not feel toxic. I am nearly incapable of small talk, and come to a point in life where I don't even try. I don't like anyone I work with with one exception and she teases me when I get socially upset.

Why do managers force "their" people into non-work situations that are literally toxic to them? And then laugh at their painful ineptitude? Most people who would not even think of pushing a physically handicapped person down the stairs will gleefully push the socially handicapped down their figurative stairs and enjoy their superiority?

This is not a happy time of year...

[LMo]

KV...

I remember you struggled with this in the past. You raise very valid points -- all of it. I would say that if I were in your shoes, I just wouldn't go. Mandatory, schmandatory. They manage your work, not your life. Just don't go.

But I know that for you, it's not just about work parties, and I just want you to know that I am here for you if you ever need to talk. Or should I say, kvetch.

I don't do this often, but here goes: ((( KV )))

[kvinneakt]

Thanks, L. I wouldn't accept often, either.

[ozzie]

Hi kvinneakt. Good to see you here! I agree with LMo. They can't manage your life. I wouldn't go to many if any of them if they are so upsetting to you. All of us aren't social butterflies.....and I think that's ok.

[(JD)]

KV wb! I agree.. well.. you might have to go...show up.. but they can't make you stay. Anyway, once you show up that's all ppl might recall, after you leave they will move on to what they think is most important: themselves!

[kvinneakt]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
ozzie said:
Hi kvinneakt. Good to see you here! I agree with LMo. They can't manage your life. I wouldn't go to many if any of them if they are so upsetting to you. All of us aren't social butterflies.....and I think that's ok.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I try to avoid, but when it is at work on paid time, my boss says that attendance is my work for the duration.

Another thing they "do" to me is annually "surprise" me with a birthday cake after my annual request/demand to drop it. Don't think they are being "nice" and I am a sour puss. These are not nice people. They are a bunch of back stabbers who will do almost anything to get their way and kiss the boss's butt.

I have one true friend there, and for that I am ever grateful. Sometimes, though, like today, she does not get it and provokes me. I get mentally toxic, bordering on tearing my few hairs and crying, and she joins the others in watching me squirm. I know that tomorrow there will be an apology.

It really is a handicap, just as debilitating in its own way as is a physical disability. I can no more alter my personality to suit them than I could grow new legs if they were the problem.

Why do grown adults still act like school bullies and pick on the faults they find in others?

[LMo]

lemme talk to your boss...

Seriously, I would love it if you could say "Look. If I went, I would not enjoy myself and it would be apparent to everyone. For that matter, nobody would enjoy me when I'm feeling uncomfortable. I'm happy to do the work that is defined in my job responsibilities, but I'm neither comfortable nor interested in going to the social gigs. Sorry"

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((KV)))))))))))))))))))

You've spoken such true words for me as well! Every employment social function was pure heck for me...just miserable.

Just know that you're not alone in this. I wish you more than well.

Thanks,

KD

[dexter]

I feel for you KV.

I am sure they don't think that what they are asking is unreasonable but why can't people who "don't understand" just take it on faith that they "don't understand" and give you the benefit of the doubt?

What is the point of "mandatory attendance?" Is it supposed to make the company into a friendly "team" in some business manual somewhere? Can't they understand there may be exceptions where that does more harm than good?

Can you take a sick day or vacation day to get out of these events if they are "mandatory work time"?

Maybe the friend you have there will volunteer to stay with you and run "interference" to keep other people away from you if you explain it to him for the event or something?

[ozzie]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
These are not nice people. They are a bunch of back stabbers who will do almost anything to get their way and kiss the boss's butt.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I think it's really unfortunate that you have to work with people like this. I understand how uncomfortable that is. Have you considered quitting and getting work somewhere else? Maybe that isn't an option for you but it worked well for me.

I don't know if they can make you attend social functions during work hours. Is that in your job description? Maybe the boss would hold it against you when it came time for raises and things though if you didn't attend some of them.

I would personally love a birthday cake but I wouldn't like one being forced on me every year. I wouldn't eat any of it!!!!