[HalfSwede]

I swear I'm not fishing for compliments here. I really feel like I'm not good enough--I'm not smart, I'm not nice, I'm not clever, I don't say thank you often enough, I'm lazy, I'm selfish, I'm not helpful, I don't show enough concern for others. And I also berate myself for being shy, or introverted, and for being too sensitive, always worrying about whether I've done something wrong. I really want these thoughts to go away. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else deals with these feelings, too, and what to do about them. I really would like to feel comfortable in my own skin.

Thanks.

[LookingforCalm]

Hey there. Feeling the same way actually. Hoping it passes, and for you too.

[Can't Stop Crying]

I feel like that a lot - have you ever tried cognitive based therapy? You take the negative self thoughts and messages and question the validity of them and try to think of a different way to look at things. I'm trying really hard to do that myself...sometimes the negative thoughts still win, but I try to at least understand where they are coming from.

[HalfSwede]

Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying

I feel like that a lot - have you ever tried cognitive based therapy? You take the negative self thoughts and messages and question the validity of them and try to think of a different way to look at things. I'm trying really hard to do that myself...sometimes the negative thoughts still win, but I try to at least understand where they are coming from.

Thank you, CSC. I have tried CBT before and wouldn't mind looking into it again. I forgot to call my sisters on their birthday because I was so wrapped up in my own emotions, so today it's hard for me not to think I'm a bad person. I'm hoping I can make it up to them.

[HalfSwede]

Thank you, LFC and CSC for responding. I don't know what's going on with me. This being the last month of my semester at school could have a lot to do with it. My mood just seems to get worse and worse, and I am starting to forget assignments. Hopefully, I will have time to do one at the last minute today.

Yesterday, I tried to play guitar and got no enjoyment out of it. I criticized myself for the way I played, I criticized myself for having bought a guitar that won't stay in tune, and then I started thinking about all my failures and disappointments in music. I just wonder when this will end.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by HalfSwede

This being the last month of my semester at school could have a lot to do with it.

Looking back over my own history of depression, increased external pressures have often increased internal susceptibilities to negativity. In other words, if it heats up outside, it heats up inside.

I have a green light from my psychiatrist to take extra meds during times of increased stress. I very rarely do so, but that option is available to me. What about you? If you were to speak (call?) your current caretakers, would they OK a temporary dosage increase? Or would that slow you down or dull you such that it would make your end-of-semester even more difficult?

[HalfSwede]

Originally Posted by Rohag

I have a green light from my psychiatrist to take extra meds during times of increased stress. If you were to speak (call?) your current caretakers, would they OK a temporary dosage increase?

Thank you for writing, Rohag. I am actually not on any meds right now. Both my T and pdoc know this. Meds got to be such a hassle toward the end of last semester that I gave up on them. I get coverage through my wife's insurance, and when she switched jobs, the new insurer raised the copay on one of them from $10 to $80, and said I had to get a sleep test for another, which was Provigil.

I just don't know about meds. It seems like every time I switched psychopharmacologists, they would switch my meds. And it never seemed to make any difference in how I felt, anyway. The only one that ever seemed to help was Ritalin, and my current pdoc took me off of that.

My current pdoc also cannot seem to handle billing issues very well. I told him months ago that my wife's insurance had changed, and I gave him my new ID number and the group number, but he billed the old insurance and then complained when he got denied. And now he's done it again. The whole system just seems designed to prevent me from getting help--just keep my wife and I tied up in paperwork and phone call. But now I'm getting negative again. Sorry.

I may look into going back on meds if I don't improve soon. I have so much more to say, but I have to leave for class in less than an hour.

Thank you again.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/15-...e-distortions/
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/fix...e-distortions/
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...nking-hurt-us/
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...-part-the-cure
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...essing-you-out
http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/48485
http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/48239
http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/1752
http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/21307

[HalfSwede]

Thank you for these resources, Byzantine. I felt a lot better after class last night (even though I wasn't totally prepared for it ). I ended up talking to another student who I thought didn't like me, so that may have been one cognitive distortion wiped away.