[garden gal]

My mood has been slipping today, and I'm trying to keep my depression in check, and trying to reach out for support. It hasn't been working so well. Today is the 6 month anniversary of my father's death. I'm really missing him a lot. I called and left messages with three friends today, and nobody has called me back. Granted, the messages I left were light in tone, and I didn't SAY I was struggling. (Partly because I was doing reasonably OK when I left the messages... but I guessed (accurately) that I'd be struggling later, and just wanted to connect with somebody.) I'm feeling a bit hurt that no one has responded. I did call my alcoholic mother, who was depressed and weepy, and really seems to be struggling with her own stuff. (mostly unrelated to my dad's death... they had been divorced for 31 years).

I guess I'm just feeling lonely and sad, and when my grief and depression start getting all intertwined like this, it is really, really hard. My mind can go to some pretty dark and despairing places.

[Leed]

I'm so sorry you're feeling badly. And it doesn't help that it's the 6 month anniversary of your Dad's passing. Bless your heart, I know that's hard. These "anniversaries" are very difficult ~ I know cause I lost my husband and March is a very hard month for me. He died in March and our wedding anniversary is in March too.

You were smart to try to contact friends, and SHAME ON THEM for not calling you back! I hate it when that happens ~ what's the matter with people anymore? I thought that was the reason to have answering machines & voice mail !!

All I can tell you sweetie is to keep busy ~ try not to let your mind dwell on your Dad's death or you will feel even worse. When I get to thinking too much, I've been known to even get up in the middle of the night and scrub floors just to stop my head from obsessing!! My head is a bad neighborhood ~ I shouldn't go in there alone. LOL
Take care and I hope & pray you feel better soon. God bless & keep us posted. Hugs, Lee

[walksinair]

Dealing with the loss of a loved one is never easy. Our one daughter was only about 5 when my father passed away we were very sad and she came up to us and with the wisdom only a small child can have she said. "It is oaky momma grampa is not gone now he is in our hearts so he can go everywere we go and never have to leave us." Not sure that will help but it did bring us a measure of comfort.

[Open Eyes]

Walksinair, that is really something about your child. Very inspiring thought from someone so young.

I think that it might be nice garden gal that when you are feeling very sad, picture that little girl and hear her tell you those very words and let those words give you some peace.

((((((((( garden gal ))))))))

[Elana05]

(((garden gal)))
I hope you feel better. My thoughts are with you. Treat yourself kindly today. We are here for you...

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by garden gal

...I guessed (accurately) that I'd be struggling later, and just wanted to connect with somebody.

This impresses me. You know yourself well enough to be able to anticipate when you'll be struggling, and you took reasonable steps to make that coming time easier. You did the right things.

I don't know your friends. Only you know how direct and revealing you can be with them. I'm sorry they weren't there for you.

My condolences. Wishing you healing, non-debilitating grief.

[AvidReader]

Originally Posted by garden gal

I guessed (accurately) that I'd be struggling later, and just wanted to connect with somebody.)

That impresses me, too; it shows that you have a great deal of insight.

I know how hard anniversaries can be; my mom died five years ago in September, and I still have a very hard time on those days. And dealing with an alcoholic parent is not fun -- I know that from experience. They never are able to offer the support you need, it's always all about them.

Perhaps your friends are just very busy. I hope at least one of them calls you back soon. And you always have us here at the forum.

I wish the best to you, garden gal

[AvidReader]

Originally Posted by walksinair

Our one daughter was only about 5 when my father passed away we were very sad and she came up to us and with the wisdom only a small child can have she said. "It is oaky momma grampa is not gone now he is in our hearts so he can go everywere we go and never have to leave us." Not sure that will help but it did bring us a measure of comfort.

walksinair, I'm getting choked up just reading that. How sweet and insightful! Children never cease to amaze me sometimes with their simple yet incredibly wise and loving insight. Thanks for sharing that.

[garden gal]

Thanks for your kind responses. It was a really hard night. I was sobbing for a couple of hours, and was contemplating calling a crisis line (I wasn't suicidal... just really in need of someone to talk to.) My dad's brother and his wife did end up calling me, and I had a good conversation with them... it was just nice to know that someone cared. I'm not usually as "needy" as I probably sound in these posts... the combination of grief and depression really sucks (as does either one on its own, actually!), and it is really hard to face it alone.

[AvidReader]

I don't think you sound needy -- just, like you said, in need of someone to talk to, and I can certainly understand that feeling. (I'm sure we all can!)

Glad to hear your dad's brother and his wife called back and you were able to talk to someone in person!