[justfloating]

Suicidal thoughts have been coming into my head recently. Not accompanied by intent, just ... popping up out of the blue. More like ... brooding over the topic in general. I don't want to say more for fear of triggering anyone. I just needed to get it out somewhere because it's been really scaring me lately. I will try to tell the pdoc when I see him but I hate bringing it up. I've always hated bringing it up, more than any other part of my depression, even though I know how important it is. I don't even like bringing it up here. It's really uncomfortable to talk about at all.

Appointment's not for another week. I'm totally safe, but if you guys could spare me some hugs to get me through 'til then I'd really appreciate it.

Hello, Rebecca. I shall petition the higher power to intercede. I am glad you are safe.

[googley]

((((((((((((((((JustFloating)))))))))))))))

All the hugs you need. Please bring this up with your Pdoc! I know it is hard, but it is so important.

[Elana05]

(((Rebecca)))

Do you see a therapist as well?
Please reach out.

[OrangeMoira]

(((((JustFloating)))))

Sorry your brain is popping that scary stuff into your head. You're brave to tell your pdoc. It's important for him to know.

[HalfSwede]

I'm hoping those thoughts leave you alone, Rebecca.

[AvidReader]

Hugs to you, Rebecca!

[online user]

Aonther PC member has been having this too--and she thinks it is related to her meds. She had it once before when she was on the same meds. Do be careful and know we care about you!

[pgrundy]

I've been having the same issue. Talked to my therapist about it today and we figured out I got triggered by something innocuous, and then we worked out how to deal with that by talking back to the thoughts and where they come from. It was really helpful.

I thought it was my meds but she didn't think so. I have a diagnosis of major recurring depression and PTSD and right now the PTSD has been flaring after many years in remission. It happens, but she's been really helpful. My experience is that it's a pain but it can be managed.

Hang in there. I hope you have a therapist and a shrink or can get one. They can both help with this kind of thing in a major way.

[Rohag]

((((((( Justfloating! )))))))

The birds fly over your head. May you find the strength to keep them from making nests in your hair.

I'm glad you're safe justfloating. Here's some hugs for you:



*Willow*

[turquoisesea]

I caught this late, how are you feeling today? ((((rebecca))))

[thine_self_untrue]

[justfloating]

Thanks for the hugs, all. They've really helped.

I'm still kind of out of it. The bad thoughts have backed off a little bit, thank goodness, but I'm still kind of blah. I've been up since 6 this morning but the extent of my activity today is to have a shower and get dressed. Trying to convince myself to go out and at least do some groceries. May still be a while. I'm so tired of being so useless. Ugh.

Originally Posted by justfloating

I'm so tired of being so useless. Ugh.

You're not useless!

- You got up
- You showered
- You got dressed

That's 3 things you've done so far today and you're planning on more yet!

I know how tough it is to do even these, so-called, 'simple' tasks, especially when you're also dealing with sui thoughts, so be gentle with you. There's only one of you!

Wishing you more success today

*Willow*

[HalfSwede]

Originally Posted by WeepingWillow23

- You got up
- You showered
- You got dressed

Those are big. Take it from someone who's been pushing 10-12 hours in bed lately, and I'm just starting to turn it around. I hope we're both on the road back, and I hope you get to do a lot of the things you've talked about in your blog. Just go as slow as you need to.

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by HalfSwede

...and I hope you get to do a lot of the things you've talked about in your blog. Just go as slow as you need to.

(((Rebecca))) All those things are for you. You deserve them and they deserve to have you to do them.

[turquoisesea]

I've been up since 6 this morning but the extent of my activity today is to have a shower and get dressed.

I wanted to congratulate you for getting showered and dressed. I know how hard that can be sometimes. Wishing you some energy and stuffs to help you get a few more things done today (((((Rebecca)))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( justfloating ))))))))))))))

[Yoda]

[turquoisesea]

hey Rebecca, how's it going today?

[justfloating]

I saw the pdoc yesterday. He's put me on lithium and I'm going back in two weeks to see where things stand. Still pretty useless at the moment. I have assignments due that I can't bring myself to even look at, much less work on, and I haven't slept more than two hours a night the past three nights even though I'm so exhausted I can't think straight. This is my last semester of university and I can't bring myself to do anything. I spend the majority of my time literally curled up in a ball. Everybody else is pushing through this somehow but I've basically just ground to a halt. I know how important it is to finish but most days the building could be on fire and I still wouldn't be able to get out of bed.

[Elana05]

Thinking of you today Rebecca.

[turquoisesea]

(((((Rebecca)))))) I really hope that the meds work and you can pull yourself together enough to finish the semester. Try your best, those assignments, start working but know you don't need to finish. Trust me I know how scary an assignment can be when you're depressed, it's not easy (((((((rebecca)))))

[googley]

(((((((((((justfloating))))))))))))