Paying dearly for a stupid mistake

I'm so sad. I wrote a post for the forum about this a couple of weeks ago but then deleted it because I didn't want to annoy you all. It's really just a rant, but I'm so sad and have nobody to talk to. My husband is sick to death of me and doesn't want to hear anything I have to say, and my sister doesn't want to hear it either.

I can't drive on any of my 9-year-old son's school field trips because a few years back I was arrested during a suicide attempt during which I tried to drink and take pills until I died. Apparently I kicked up such a fuss in the ER, and I shoved a nurse, so they threw me in jail. (And my husband LEFT me there for THREE days, something that has virtually destroyed my marriage -- but that's a story for another post.)

The charges were eventually dropped, but now I have this huge BLACK MARK on my record, so I can't get a job -- luckily I'm established in a work-at-home career -- or, worse, volunteer to help drive on school field trips. I've already spoken to the principal about this, and she is a kind and understanding woman, and I can volunteer in other capacities (e.g., I help serve lunch one day a week).

It breaks my heart to be missing all these field trips. These are times I am never going to get back. And what do I tell my son? I certainly can't tell him the truth. I've used the "I'm swamped with work" excuse, but that makes me feel like a heel, like I'm telling him he's not worth taking a couple of hours off work for.

I just got a note from the teacher requesting volunteers to help out with another trip, and I just had to vent.

I know that in the context of the issues people are dealing with this is trivial and stupid, but my heart is breaking, and I have nobody to talk to.

Thanks for letting me rant, and I apologize if I've annoyed anyone.

You're not annoying anyone here, and your problems are just as important and valid as anyone else's, nothing stupid about it.

It is definitely sad that they won't take it off your record, seeing how the charges were dropped, and you were not yourself when it all happened. You were under the influence of the pills and alcohol, plus seriously suicidal. They should have taken that into consideration. And it was definitely wrong that your husband just left you in jail. That's just messed up.

I'm sorry that you can't go on any of your son's field trips. I can somewhat relate, but I don't go on any of my son's field trips because I'm scared to death of interacting with other people. You're right, it's a time we can never get back.

It is nice that at least the principal is understanding and lets you help out in other ways, and it is very generous of you to volunteer your time.

I'm so sorry this happened. And for the record, posting here is no bother, that's what this place is for =)

I'm kind of shocked that they threw you in jail - somehow I would think that would have landed you in a psych ward, not a jail considering you were suicidal and under the influence, etc. I'm sorry it happened to you and is coming back to bite you now.

Maybe you can tell your son that the other parents really want to drive and that you volunteer for other things instead because the principal asked you to do so. Its kind of the truth, without bringing out the harmful details the son probably wouldn't understand (I don't know his age).

Have you looked into somehow having the black mark removed or if it ever goes away?

And just as a warning, Im definitely not a mother nor soon to be one so my advice may not be the best =)

Thank you both so, so much for your kind words. I really, truly appreciate it.

Turquoisesea, I think your suggestion about the other parents wanting to drive and it being best for me to volunteer in other ways is really good. I'll do that. Actually, each family is encouraged to do 15 hours of volunteer work each school year (it's a private school), so I can work that in as well.

I really need to work on forgiving my husband, who I think was trying to act in my best interest. We had three young kids at home at the time (my son was in preschool then), and I was in a seriously unstable phase. He had to call 911 that day because I was out of control (I was furious when he interrupted my suicide attempt) and throwing things. When he finally bailed me out I went to the nearest psych hospital, 3 hours away.

The whole thing is sort of sadly ironic because I remember NONE of it; I blacked several hours out because of the alcohol.

Again, many thanks to you all. It felt so good to get this off my chest, and to get some supportive replies!

I miss out on my kids field trips ,because first off i work nights and second i just can't interact with the other parents, i feel likethey r all looking at me and thinking i am stupid and such. It sucks your husband left u in jail, that was definitely not a safe place for someone who is suicidal to be. Hang in there it will get better.keep volunteering that is awesome that u r able to do that!

You don't have to answer me because it's none of my business, but I wondered, are you sure the black mark is as black as you think, in terms of getting another job (if you want one)? There is a difference between being arrested and being convicted, especially as time passes. I just wonder if you've made an assumption that makes you feel bad and isn't necessarily true.

For instance, I recently took a government job that required me to apply for a security clearance. It's still in the process, but I read about all the different reasons people have problems getting it, and it turns out you can have made some considerable mistakes in your life, and as long as you show that you're working to change or prevent them from happening again, the government is happy to have you. If it's true of the feds, it's probably true of regular employers.

I don't think your worries or sadness about not driving for field trips are trivial or stupid AT ALL. And I'm sorry your husband can't be of more help to you. Everyone here is glad to listen (including me).

thea

Thanks, Thea! You know, I've often wondered if the "black mark" is indeed as bad as I feared. I've been tempted to run an online background check on myself, but money's been so tight I haven't really wanted to shell out the $40 or so most of those places charge. I've also been tempted to seek out a lawyer (I'm in a different state now from the lawyer who handled my case) to find out.

The application for school drivers, for example, inquires whether you've ever been charged with a misdemanor and, if so, to explain. And the explanation is just so humiliating, I couldn't ever get into that with someone I don't know. It took me over a year just to approach the school principal, and I was only able to do that because it's a Catholic school, so I was counting on her being a compassionate person, which she was (is).

Thank you, and everyone, for your kind comments. This is something that virtually nobody in my life knows about, for obvious reasons.

You may want to have a heart to heart with your son, I'm sure that a 9 year old can pick up on what's going on even though they may not understand it all. Sugar coat it, and perhaps plan some of your own field trips with just the family. Do good things for yourself and your family and I personallu don't think your aggriavated assault is that bad especially since it was dropped so your weren't offically convicted and the only way it would be shown is if whoever had clearance to view that kind of information. I was always nervous applying to apartments or jobs with my AR-drug possession charge but never had any trouble. Good luck in the future and I always believe in doing good things will yield positive results.

I'm not sure I understand. Why can't you just go along with another driver, be an "extra" chaperon or drive to the site beforehand and have things ready for the kids when they get there, etc.? I don't understand what having a black mark in the ER/hospital has to do with driving on field trips. If the charges were dropped, I don't know why you couldn't explain "combative in hospital during medical emergency" as your explanation, don't know how that would equate to being a driver.

Hiya,

i would suggest and this would be to myself if I were in your position, to get a lawyer to look at having that black mark removed. it's not right that you were not mentally competent when you did whatever you did and yet you're being held responsible for it. And how ignorant of a facility to throw you in jail when you were not in your right mind!
Just a suggestion though.

Love and hugs,
Tara

P.S. You've already said about looking into a lawyer, good call. Just read the post! Didn't see it first time around. Since you don't have the money you might want to look into a public defender or somebody who will do it pro bono. Look up online advocates for the mentally ill.