[dexter]

First day back to work today and it went well.

I spoke with the boss in the morning to tell him what has been going on (I never told him about the depression before, but didn't think he would react badly, just never saw a reason to before but now I think he deserved the explanation since I've been out for three months...)

So speaking to him went fine. I couldn't "read" him to tell if he already knew or not. When I asked if he knew anything about the illness he said he knew a little because he read the stuff on my website (So he had to have had at least some clue maybe?) But anyway we spoke about what it is like for a little while. He scolded me for not calling them when I had nothing to eat in my house so they could help... I did explain to him that the depression makes it very hard to do that and what the urge to isolate and cut everyone off is like.

Work itself was good. I left early. I rode my scooter there and did that really OK. Stupid depression, I really thought I could not survive riding my scooter to work, I've done it before several times but it's different when you have no other choice and are relying on it as your only way to get there, and of course depression makes that whole idea IMPOSSIBLE but hey when the depression begins to lift what a difference.

So it was pretty cold riding this morning and the temp has only begun to drop here so that won't keep me there for long. They will send someone to pick me up and bring me there... even to bring me home if I ride my scoot in and don't feel well enough to ride it home. Riding it in the rain really isn't that bad (as long as it is not pouring rain) but I think the combination of rain and cold would be something to avoid.

But I am happy to be back there and everyone was happy to see me. I am going to tell my department manager what has been going on... for him I really do think he has an idea... I think he has read my website more than my boss has and he's made some comments in the past sort of, not nosy, but just the sort of thing to know that the subject is "ok" to talk about... like mentioning his daughter was once on Zoloft etc. I just want to get time alone with him to do it. I wouldn't mind telling everyone but even if it is comfortable it certainly is not something to "broadcast".

As I get back to work I will be able to visit here less. I realized it is not only time, but there is a difference being able to check in multple times during the day as opposed to coming home and seeing the whole day's worth of messages piled up in every forum. Like some others here I find it very difficult to let messages go unread. I can bring myself to do that... tonight I read only maybe 3-5 of the threads out of dozens in each forum... but I still get very involved writing replies and stuff.

So I probably will have to taper off here again.

But I don't think I'm going anywhere soooo quickly and I'll certainly be posting over Thanksgiving

[NICO]

im so happy that your on the up and your ridin a bloody scooter good on you. atleast we know if we dont see you as much its a good thing. your workplace sounds cool im glad they re so undrstanding, i know what you mean about broadcastin it though cos you just want to fit in and be on equal terms with your colleugues. it doesnt sound like theres any need to make it an issue though just enjoy your time at work and if you need support you got this place when you get home. im happy for you man

keep it up!!!

I'm glad you first day at work went well and that everyone was happy to see you.

Did you start full time or part time?

I hope for you that tomorrow goes well too!

((((((((((((((Dexter))))))))))))))

Keep us updated ok?

time0

[dexter]

Yes, part time, almost the full day but considering that usually I stay late this is taking it easy. Plus it is a short week.

[jmo531]

(((((((((((((((((Dex))))))))))))))))))

I commend you for going back to work. I think that is one of the most difficult things one can do after an extended period of time off. For me I always wondered "what will the think?". I had to put that out of my mind quickly or that would have made things much worse.

Like you I had a very warm reception upon returning and it made it alot easier to go back.

I just admire your strength and courage. What a huge step. Please keep us posted on things. I know we wont see you as often but please dont leave totally.

Huggles,

Jen

[quality_worms]

Good for you for going back. I'm really glad that your boss and department manager seem to be understanding...that must help a lot.

I hope you keep posting. take care.

Did your second day at work went well?

I sure hope so! ((((((((((Dexter))))))))))

time0

[dexter]

Yes it did... with so much to do it is clear that I won't have much time to spend here.

I'm skipping a lot of posts today and I feel bad about missing anyone... please don't take it personally! I'm picking just a few at random from about three of the forums, and it is about time for me to get ready for bed...

Thanks everyone for all the support. It means a lot.

[lenjan]

congrats dex on going back! I know what a huge step that is for you. keep us posted, ok?

Candy

[Fuzzybear]

Congrats Dex on going back to work! I am glad it's going well!! (((((( Hugs ))))))

[ozzie]

Congratulations on going back to work. Forget about the favor I asked because I know you won't have time now.

Hope you will continue to come and see all of us. ((((((((Dexter)))))))))

[Azalysa]

{{{{{{{{{Dexter}}}}}}}

That is so wonderful to hear you had a positive reception when you returned to work and had two good days. I'm like Jen - my fear is: "What will everyone think."

I have gotten so much out of your posts and look forward to more whenever you are able to write. Realize you will be busy getting reacclimated right now.

Way to go!

Oh and "COASTERS ALL THE WAY!!!!"

[dexter]

Update:

Three days there, I still feel really good. I was OK with my scooter in the cold but it is getting even colder and I'm worried about that. I did have them pick me up instead of scootering on Wednesday. It is something I will have to work out.

I'm doing well getting back into the work... doing well with the people, very well, everyone is very glad to have me back. I've been learning about the pandemonium while I was out... it is a department of 5 people (4 full and 1 part time) and while I was out two other ft people in the department got seriously ill with the flu and were out for about a week or maybe two, I think their out time overlapped leaving really only one guy there with some part time help to handle all of the workflow through the entire company. Then one of the guys had a sudden upheaval in his life and had to resign and move to California (the upheaval was bad but the move, I think was about making the best, taking care of himself, and using it as an opportunity to be closer to his daughter and granddaughter). They hired someone else but he is really disliked.

I learned while I was out there was a lot of complaint by others, especially the sales staff. I think they just wanted the boss to let us all go and hire new people to work. They are all about pleasing their customers, can't possibly say "well this will take a few days longer than usual" which I do understand but still, don't be so selfish. The boss sent around a pretty nasty email which I saw, really defending us... saying that this was the whole company's problem, that everyone had to step up and fill the void, and that they should stop acting like "third graders" and stop whining and complaining about it. And stop offering "suggestions" thinking they know best how to run the company. At the end he said "we can fire them all and lose the best graphics team we've ever had, or we can work together to get through this." so that's how I knew it was about us.

I think it had mostly to do with his getting really furious and annoyed with everyone coming to him and second-guessing him... but the sentiment is sincere. I do think he is compassionate enough to consider us as people rather than a way to the bottom line. He also really does appreciate that the current graphics department really works well together... while individual skill is also important, having skilled people who won't work together to solve problems is not a good way to run a company. So I really like that he appreciates that too, and is looking toward the long goals instead of short term.

Hearing about this made me feel really bad and a little guilty about being out, but I have to say only a little tiny bit, which would say, what, that I am doing well with regard to the depression? In no way did that feeling of guilt "erase" how appreciated I felt to be welcomed back so enthusiastically... and from the others in my department they were not only glad to have me back because of my skill and helping with the workload, but they just also missed me personally and my humor.