Going Back to Work....

...on Monday.

pdoc cleared me to work 4 hours/day for 2 weeks at only one task. (My job is extremely fast-paced, multi-tasking, stressful - which I believe contributed to this episode.)

I see pdoc after the 2 weeks for a recheck.

I'm nervous. After being out 5 months, it will feel like starting over again.

Thank you all for your support and kindness over these last months. I'm not going anywhere, but may not post as much due to job. ****HUGS EVERYONE****

I have been through this and it was terrifying for me. I wish you much strength and support.

Good luck!!!

You can do it Azalysa!

((((Aza)))))
Good luck! i'll be thinking of you!!

Love, Jenn

Take it slowly.. odds are you will expect more from yourself than others will! Come back as often as you can!

Thank you all for your posts and support.

I'm terrified too, Sabrina...kind of "beside myself" right now (and I'm out of Ativan - and can't get it refilled for about another 5 days or so. When pdoc said he was sending me back to work, I sort of panicked and took more Ativan than normal.) Thank you so much for your wishes for strength!!

Awww, thanks, {{{{{Greenleaves}}}}} I'll keep saying that on Monday morning

Hey {{{{{{Jenn}}}}}} Good to see you, hon and thank you for your warm wishes.



You're right, Sky...I tend to be a perfectionist and drive myself crazy. I talked briefly to one of my co-workers who has become a friend today to let her know I was coming back Monday. She's been calling me regularly to ask when I'm returning. I thought I'd surprise her but she already knew so my supervisor must have told someone. She said people are excited for me to return. That makes me feel a bit better.

~~~Love your new sig and avatar...

Good Luck with everything.....just be careful to not take on too much all at once. I recommend slowly adding on till your back to your normal life.

I believe you will do well.

Desirae

{{{{{{{desirae}}}}}}}

Great advice to go slowly. I tend to have two speeds - fast forward and off. I've never been able to pace myself it seems. Maybe that's part of the bi-polar thing that I never realized.

Since Friday night I've been getting progressively more anxious until this morning I'm already shaking and having morning terrors. (And I can't get Ativan refilled for at least another week.) I just want to go to bed and pull the covers over my head so no one can find me.

Having a psych disorder sucks.

*Takes a deep breath*

Azalysa -

Does your doctor know you are out of your medication? I think you should let him know. Can you reach him today?

I hope tomorrow is a good day for you. The anticipation is usually worse.

Hugs,

EJ

Hi, EJ!

Unfortunately no. I've gone through this before (taking too much Ativan when I'm particularly anxious or stressed) and called in to see if pdoc would refill it. He is angry when I do that, won't refill it, and I get a tongue-lashing from his assistant about abusing medication.

It's my own fault, I know better and I know my pdoc is making sure I don't get dependent.

This is one of those *duh* moments - I googled the web earlier to see if there was anything of "fear of work." I truly didn't expect there to be. I've never met anyone who gets all panicky about work, but many who just don't like their jobs. I was amazed to see fear of work listed as a phobia. The symptoms of phobias are exactly what I experience. I've been seeing my pdoc for depression/bipolar but we've never talked about anxiety, much less it being a phobia. So, I feel better that what I'm going through is not just not wanting to go to work but it's something that produces awful physical sensations.

I've gotten worse every hour that goes by today and I'm truly thinking I won't be able to return...maybe have to resign like I've done most all of my other jobs. Until this phobia or whatever is address and somehow gotten under control, getting a new job will just be a temporary fix.

Ok, that was a long post to say "No my pdoc won't prescribe more anti-anxiety meds."

Just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you as you make this transition--I know it is very scary for you. I think you can do it, though...I know sometimes I'll have lots of anxiety about doing something, but I always feel better once I get in there and start doing...just do what you can, and no more...one of the most liberating things you can do is to learn to say "No" from time to time, and to be honest with yourself and others about how long a particular task will require. Take the time necessary to perform the task correctly, it's often much quicker than to run in a frenzy, only having to either go back and fix things, or to rest after you are done..

You know you're in my thoughts and prayers...

DJ

{{{{{{{DJ}}}}}}}

Thank you so much for your prayers and kind thoughts.

Good luck, my furry paws are crossed for you! ((((((((((((((((((((Azalysa)))))))))))))))))))))))

Thanks {{{{{{Fuzzy}}}}}}}

With prayers, kind thoughts and fuzzy paws...I can't go wrong.

Hi Azalysa,

After being laid-off from an employer, for whom I had worked 17 years, I have been anxious at work. So I understand how you are feeling.

EJ

((((((((((((((( Azalysa ))))))))))))))))

I truly know that fear. You can do this. Get a washcloth and wet it in cold water. Hold it and press it to your face and neck. It will help. Go get a book and read it or watch TV. I suspect you won't sleep much, but maybe you can nod off in front of the tv. Get some Ginger Ale or Sierra Mist. That helps, along with the cloth. Put the cloth in a zip lock bag and put it in your purse. You'll have it when you need it at work. Just touching it helps. Trust me on this. I wish you all the best.

Hugs,

Jan

That sounds wonderful, January - I never would have thought of that!! And the Ginger Ale/Sierra Mist thing - do you know why it works?

Very interesting!! Thank you again.

Updating this post since so many of you provided such kind support.

As it turned out, I did *not* go back to work last Monday. Each day that went by building up to Monday put me deeper and deeper into anxiety until by Saturday & Sunday I was in a full-blown anxiety/panic attack. It was horrible. Sunday night my mother and I were even discussing the possibility of me going to the hospital. I couldn't think straight.

So, long story short, I was able to get my Ativan refilled and have been taking it daily to get it into my system to calm down a bit. I left voice mail messages for my supervisor telling him I'd had a "relapse" of my condition and would keep him updated. Then I unplugged the phone all week because I had a fear of him calling. (Totally irrational, I know, but that's part of this anxiety/phobia.)

So, round 2 on Monday. I've got to push myself in there and then take it from there.

(((((((((((((( Aza )))))))))))))))

I hope things go better for you. Now that you have your med again, you should see some major positive changes.

Hugs,

Jan

Many of us here understand the panic/fear/anxiety attack that prevents us from doing something, along with the aftereffects of "hiding."

I was going to suggest that you not think about going back to work, but that you would "stop by" and say hi, only. If that went ok (no, not easy but doable?) then the next time, stay a little longer, or come back for lunch or such. Piecemeal it.

Let us know how you're doing, ok?

{{{{{January & Sky}}}}}

Oh yes, January, I feel MUCH better with the anti-anxiety meds. It is AMAZING!!! It's Sunday night and I'm very calm; a total turnaround from a week ago. I'm going to tell my pdoc that I need to be medicated for anxiety as much or more than the depression.

Anyway, I liked your idea Sky. pdoc has said I go in for 4 hours a day for about 10 days. That will help with the transitioning.

I'm going pursue ballroom dance classes (partly from taking a few group courses last year that I loved - and the excitement of watching "Dancing With the Starts this season). My mother says "Just think of it as your "career" is dance classes and this is just a way you finance it. It's the word "job" that sends me over the edge.

Will give an update again tomorrow!!

Again, thank you all for your kind thoughts and suggestions. (January, what does ginger ale do?)

(((((((((( Aza ))))))))))))))))

I am so happy that you are doing so well! Hurrah for you!!!!

Ginger Ale calms your stomach. You can make ginger tea, too, but it's kind of bitter. When I panic I get nauseous, so keep some ginger ale around. It's also cold, and you can touch the glass or can. See? Use it as a sensory helper, too.

I have to be treated for my anxiety, too. I have Panic Disorder among other things.

Please let us know how you do. We're all in your corner!

Hugs,

Jan

Whoooo ah!!!

From the extreme panic/anxiety I felt this time last week to today is like day and night. I went from a hysterically crying, rocking back and forth on the floor woman last week to a woman who did what DaveyJones said in one of his recent threads: I held my head high, threw my shoulders back and walked in like I owned the place.

I am totally convinced that being actively treated for anxiety will make a HUGE difference in my life!

So, I went into cubicle-land. A few of my co-workers saw me before I made it to my supervisor's desk, so we hugged and greeted. As I was told by a co-worker that kept me "updated" monthly - lots and lots of new faces. I'll try to deal with remembering them as time goes on...lol.

I was absolutly amazed my desk was just as I left it (including unfinished work ) There has been new shifting around of desks so I figured I would be in the "outback" someplace. That made me happy. So everything was as I remembered it. There was a gift and some cards on my desk which I brought home but haven't opened yet.

Made it over to my (young) supervisor and talked to him for a few. He was verrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyy kind and understanding almost walking on eggshells. He was who I was dreading since he knows my illness when he didn't have to (but I didn't know that).

I did basic file copying today. Suited me fine. No dealing with the forms, triage, or anything else...just copying files. Very calm.

Thank you all who encouraged me, offered suggestions, warm thoughts, vibes, prayers...anything. I'm easing back into the work world and when it is time, will begin a new adventure elsewhere!

Hurrah for you!!!!!!!



Hugs,

Jan

You Go Girl!