[garden gal]

I am feeling myself sliding downhill tonight. I just had dinner with my ex-boyfriend (who I'm still good friends with), and his brother and sister-in-law. I felt like I was annoying his brother all through dinner, and I wasn't sure why. I know everybody doesn't have to like me, but this is bothering me more than it should. I also called and e-mailed a good friend today offering her some garden veggies, and she never got back to me. I also called my aunt this afternoon and left a voicemail... she has yet to respond. I think that all of this cumulatively is triggering my depression. I feel like I've annoyed everyone in my life, and that everyone I know is sick of me. I feel like I want to go hide under a rock. I've actually been doing pretty well the last couple of weeks, so this is discouraging. Maybe I just thought I was getting better...

Can anyone out there relate to this?

Garden Gal

[kaliope]

I think it is just a series of coincidences and nothing to worry about. You say that you have been doing well the last couple of weeks so this is discouraging. It may be like me. I have been in chaos so long I find mental health hard to trust, so when I am doing well I start looking at the smallest things as signs that it is all going to come crashing down around me again. You sound a little anxious in your post. Just relax and breathe.

[Direction]

Yes, I can relate...part of my mind understands that there are various reasons...then there's the other part the has a good chance of winning...the lies and distortions that prevent me from being healthy.

[garden gal]

Today has been difficult. I've been irritable, moody, and depressed. I tried going to an outdoor cafe at a park, and did some other things that are usually fun for me... but as they say, "wherever you go, there you are." I haven't been able to get away from my crappy mood. Sometimes I try to practice acceptance, and just be aware of how I'm feeling without either hating it or getting attached to it. That isn't working for me right now either. I just can't mentally get myself there. My psychiatrist recently lowered my dose of Abilify (at my request), and I hope that my current mental state isn't related to that. I've gained some weight during the 7 or so years that I've been on that medication, which I would really like to lose again.

I need to wash my dishes and clean up the kitchen... but all I want to do is curl up in a corner and hide.