Know what I mean?

How many people (raise your hands, lol) see people around you and think to yourself, "I used to be happy like them"? I've noticed this with my co-workers, friends, and family. I envy their happiness. I'm sure not all of them are genuinely happy, some are probably like me and just faking their good mood. But I can't even fake it anymore. I just feel angry. Angry that I have to feel depressed and anxious. I used to be happy. I had my worries, but nothing I couldn't handle. Now I can't get out of bed. Don't want to talk to anyone or even see my friends. I had so many interests and now I don't want to go to school or work. I'm angry at myself for not getting over this. I'm angry that it seems so easy for other people to be in relationships and just be happy. I'm probably simplifying it too much. I'm sure they have their struggles too, but when you are 28 and the only one in your family and the only one of your friends to never have an actual adult relationship it can be frustrating. Why do I have to be like this?

My main issue? I thought I truly found some happiness a few months ago. It made my life so much more rewarding. I felt like I was experiencing a part of life that I shut myself off from. I didn't think I wanted it, but I do. It was an amazing feeling, but within a few days it will all be gone. I'll be back to square one except I'll be truly lonely for the first time in my life.

Although, I can say that I am thankful for this board and the people on it. Without it and you guys I don't know where I would be right now.

Hello, Spaceid!

You've been through an emotional enlightenment, and there's no way to unfeel what you've felt. Painful? Yes. But maybe it's an essential step towards fulfillment.

I hope it is.

I can identify with you Spaceid...........except that I look around me and think "I used to have a life". I know the feelings of envy........but know also this isn't something I would wish on my worst enemy. It's not jealousy, but sadness, that I've been dealt this terrible hand of cards. There is no one to blame.......it just is what it is. I'm getting side tracked here. What I wanted to say was lean on us.......we all lean on each other and somehow keep going. You're still young and have new self recognition. It hurts badly right now......but you know the cliche; as a door is closing, another one is opening. Your heart, your mind, and your whole being are ready to open to the next foward step in your life. That step will be there, and we will be here........thinking of you.........grey

I know how you feel for part of what you said Spaceid. In the last half of the past year I was dealing with trying medications and school and figuring out that I have a gluten intolerance, and I just got so angry with my depression. In a way it did help me though, as even when I was in a down period I was thinking things like "I can fight this" "Go away!" "I don't deserve this.". Maybe you can use that anger to try and fight those sad feelings. They won't necessarily go away, but it may help you do things instead of putting things off or what-have-you.

As to your relationship issues, I know it's hard, but you were able to cope and have fun without a relationship before. You will again. It will take time, and you may feel like the pain of missing that person will never go away, but one day you'll notice that it's easier to think of him. You deserve the commitment that you want. *hugs* I'm glad that we can help you as well.
I wish you the very best!

I think Rohag decribed it. Be yourself and after you will find friends, I hope you can find here.

spaceid, I'll raise my hand.
But the one thing I won't do is get angry at myself for feeling this way. I accept that there is a chemical imbalance in my brain and the only control I have over that is to take the meds that help balance it again.

I will raise my hand, I am able to identify with you, I feel a similar way to you but I'm not angry with myself but at everyone else because they seem to be happy and deal with everything they go through.
Eventually you will be able to make relationships, it won't be easy, tiny steps need to be taken.
Hugs out to you

All the time!!! I get angry with myself for getting jelous of my friends and family and thinking "what can't I be like that!?" I guess sometimes being surrounded by so much happiness seems reay overwhelming when you feel the total opposite. Here's hoping it wears off for us! Hugs hugs. Jess x