[justfloating]

***Trigger warning***

Well, now I've done it. I'm in HUGE trouble.

I received notification that I am graduating from university with a general degree. What I wanted was an honours degree, but I failed a course and therefore I'm a credit short of my entire fourth year counting towards my degree. I failed due to non-attendance and not submitting coursework, which I was entirely aware of but just ... didn't. I don't know what my problem is. We're leaving for my graduation on Monday, and I can't tell my parents about this. They are going to KILL me. The time and money invested in my education ... this is worse than disownment. I have been bred to do a single thing in my life, and that's get this degree. I thought it was all over and done with. At the end, I was focusing on just surviving and I was so focused on that that I didn't take the right measures academically and now it's all coming back to bite me. This is all my fault. I could have taken measures to fix this so long ago. I could have asked for help. I could have informed the school how much trouble I was in. But the only way I could survive was by pretending I was fine, by TELLING myself I was fine even though I wasn't, and in the process I ignored my responsibilities. Now I've failed and my parents are going to kill me.

Yes, I am still getting a degree. But it is a 3-year degree rather than a 4-year degree and worth vastly less to employers, not to mention my parents. ts an entire years' tuition down the drain. They are going to be so angry and disappointed and all I can think is ... well let's say that beyond being in trouble with them, emotionally I'm in a lot of trouble right now too. The only reason I stuck it out the last couple of months of my school year was that there was an end in sight and once I passed that finish line I could have my life back. Now that it looks like I haven't crossed the finish line after all ... I don't know what to do.

I'm in so much trouble. It's weird because last night I was thinking I've been doing so well since I came home, I should talk to my doctor about maybe weaning off the antidepressants. Now I'm not even entirely sure if I feel safe. Or maybe I'm just telling myself I don't feel safe so I can run away from my problems. Again. I don't know. I'm so lost. I don't know what to do.

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by justfloating

***Trigger warning***

Well, now I've done it. I'm in HUGE trouble.

I received notification that I am graduating from university with a general degree. What I wanted was an honours degree, but I failed a course and therefore I'm a credit short of my entire fourth year counting towards my degree. I failed due to non-attendance and not submitting coursework, which I was entirely aware of but just ... didn't. I don't know what my problem is. We're leaving for my graduation on Monday, and I can't tell my parents about this. They are going to KILL me. The time and money invested in my education ... this is worse than disownment. I have been bred to do a single thing in my life, and that's get this degree. I thought it was all over and done with. At the end, I was focusing on just surviving and I was so focused on that that I didn't take the right measures academically and now it's all coming back to bite me. This is all my fault. I could have taken measures to fix this so long ago. I could have asked for help. I could have informed the school how much trouble I was in. But the only way I could survive was by pretending I was fine, by TELLING myself I was fine even though I wasn't, and in the process I ignored my responsibilities. Now I've failed and my parents are going to kill me.

Yes, I am still getting a degree. But it is a 3-year degree rather than a 4-year degree and worth vastly less to employers, not to mention my parents. ts an entire years' tuition down the drain. They are going to be so angry and disappointed and all I can think is ... well let's say that beyond being in trouble with them, emotionally I'm in a lot of trouble right now too. The only reason I stuck it out the last couple of months of my school year was that there was an end in sight and once I passed that finish line I could have my life back. Now that it looks like I haven't crossed the finish line after all ... I don't know what to do.

I'm in so much trouble. It's weird because last night I was thinking I've been doing so well since I came home, I should talk to my doctor about maybe weaning off the antidepressants. Now I'm not even entirely sure if I feel safe. Or maybe I'm just telling myself I don't feel safe so I can run away from my problems. Again. I don't know. I'm so lost. I don't know what to do.

Hi Rebecca - I am so sorry to hear how tough it feels for you right now. There are so many things that stand out in your e-mail and I am sending you big hugs. It must be hard believing that your parents are going to be so disappointed with you, but I am left thinking how brilliantly you have done to obtain a degree while suffering from a health problem which is known to effect concentration / motivation etc...If it is so important to you to have the honours part of your degree, is there not scope to repeat that year at a later date when your concentration has improved? - you have afterall been experiencing symptoms and it does not seem fair that this should disadvantage you. Could you talk to your doctor and get him / her to write a letter to the University explaining how your health may have impacted on your abilty to complete this final year successfully? Please be kind to yourself, yes you didn't get the honours part at this time, but it doesn't mean that you can't get it later on - you still have a great qualification and I want to say well done for achieving that - it must have been so hard.

[turquoisesea]

Is there any way you could take the class you failed again to finish the degree? Can you get an exception if you write them and ask for help?

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

...I am left thinking how brilliantly you have done to obtain a degree while suffering from a health problem which is known to effect concentration / motivation etc...

My thoughts follow SoupDragon's. Yours is no mean achievement by any standards, especially considering you worked against severe depression. Now, your parents may not be able to appreciate what you have done. It is their problem and, because they are your parents, their problem becomes your problem.

And you in all your problems are ours to support.

[Flooded]

Seriously, what do YOU want? Not your parents, YOU?

[HalfSwede]

I'm really sorry this happened, Rebecca. My depression has affected every aspect of my life, not just school. This thing we have to deal with makes everything harder. We start out blaming ourselves for everything bad that happens, and then when worse things happen because of that, we blame ourselves that much more, and feel more justified in doing so. It's just a total spiral. I hope I can help you halt it.

I would try to stay as calm and safe as you can for now, and when you're feeling better (I know you will feel better), see what you can do to make the situation better. At about your age, I got kicked out of school. It took me a while to go back and finish, but I did and got a half-decent job afterward. Depression doesn't seem to serve any good purpose at all, except to understand and help other people with depression.

[justfloating]

Well, I told my parents. My mom was pretty good about it, actually. I told her by herself this morning, and she was fairly understanding and said she'd help me tell my dad. We decided to go for coffee with him tonight so that I could tell him in a public place and lessen the blow up, which I think was a good idea. I can tell he's really angry with me though, because since we got in the car to drive home he hasn't really spoken to me.

The problem is that he doesn't "get" how emotional this has all been for me, and I have no way of explaining it to him because he just doesn't operate that way. He can't wrap his head around it. The other thing too is that whenever I try to talk about my depression and what it's been doing to me and how rotten I've been feeling, I usually start to cry and can't finish what I want to say. Plus my dad doesn't respond well when someone cries in front of him. He just sort of freezes up.

I can tell he thinks getting a general degree isn't good enough. We were always celebrating my graduation for different reasons. For him, it was about the prestige of his daughter having a university degree, and now I've messed that up so he's upset. For me, it was about the fact that I survived university without hospitalization or worse, and that it's all behind me now and I can start fresh. To him, I've failed. To me, it's frankly amazing that I'm even alive to go to the ceremony in the first place. I just wish he could see that too.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by justfloating

To me, it's frankly amazing that I'm even alive to go to the ceremony in the first place.

This is something in which we -- all your friends -- rejoice!

Originally Posted by justfloating

I just wish he could see that too.

***Sigh*** Your father is his own person with his own internal mechanisms. It is regrettable he cannot appreciate your great accomplishment.

[turquoisesea]

(((((Rebecca)))))

I think one of the HARDEST things to deal with when it comes to depression is interacting with the people who just don't get it. I'm sorry your father is one of those people *hugs*

[Heisenberg]

Rebecca, I'm proud of you for getting that degree. I'm currently in university right now and my depression and other issues have affected my schoolwork so much the school is asking me to take a year off. Celebrate your graduation! I'm sure if you do want the 4-year degree you can take that course again. Your graduation gives me hope for my own too. =)

Rebecca, congratulations on what you have accomplished. Please consider making your health your number one priority.

I wish you well.

[Open Eyes]

Justfloating, you cannot live your life for your parents. You are doing your best and you have achieved alot. Your father will get over it, sometimes men have a harder time understanding things they cannot seem to fix. He needs to understand that it is not about his ego. His job as a parent is to understand and support you. If he does not do that for you, he has failed you. You have not failed him. Give him a chance to come around, he would be devastated if anything happened to you, Im sure he loves you, give it time.

He will get over it and so will you. Don't allow this to let you feel down. There is no rush, you can try again, you have time and maybe you need to take some time out and work on yourself. Perhaps you can get a letter from your psychiatrist or therapist and maybe the school will work with you. It is just not the end of the world. You will get there, and your father, well, he needs to support you. Have your therapist write him a letter too.

I have to say it is not unusual to take longer than 4 years to get that 4yr degree. It took longer for both my daughter and her boyfriend. So don't feel alone in that. If I remember correctly I think it took almost five years for my daughter to get all her credits and her boyfriend had one course that he really struggled with, I believe it was calculis and my daughter had to help him with it. It was actually pretty funny as my daughter did well where he was weak and he did well where she was weak. And now it has been four years since my daughter graduated and she is working and all that past is not so important anymore. So please give yourself a lot of credit for what is now done and you don't have much more to go. You can do it.

Open Eyes