It is so easy when you are online to make others believe that you are someone that you are not.

Maybe I am not who you think I am. Maybe you see positive things in me that I do not have. Qualities that are none existence in me. Maybe you think I am a good person when in reality I am very evil. Maybe you see kindness in me when really I am a very destructive person. Maybe you should all hate me when online I seem to be so likable.

time0

[Lexicon78]

I'm sorry you do not see in yourself what we see. Yes, what you said may very well be true about yourself, but I highly doubt it. What I see right now is that you are struggling to like who you are, to believe what others are saying about you online, and struggling to stay afloat. Hang in there. You ARE lovable.

[jmo531]

((((((((((((((((((Time0)))))))))))))))))

I understand.

[Fuzzybear]

I hear you grrrrr

I believe in you though dear ((((((((((((Time0))))))))))))

[(JD)]

Maybe. And maybe it's ok to give an image of being a better person than you are IRL... because it's a good goal to shoot for... and it helps program the brain to become that person you dream of??? Maybe, as my T has suggested, the person you feel you are "pretending" to be is the real you, and the one who is the negative feeling one, is really NOT the real person you are? Depression turns things upside down for us. TC

[JustBen]

There's plenty of faking going on in cyberspace, but I don't think you're guilty of that. I'd say that if you're presenting a better, kinder, and more helpful face online that you present in your offline world then what you're really doing is trying. Your heart is invested in the business of trying to become what you want to be. Where your heart is, that is where you truly are.

And as long as you're presenting possibilities, allow me to introduce another: Is it possible that we see goodness in you that you don't see in yourself?

I disappoint people when I don't do what they expect from me. They feel I can do it but I just don't want too. They see me as:

heartless
selfish
lazy
can't be count on
mean
crap

They get mad at me.

Maybe I am all these things. I just hate myself!!!

But, you are all kind, no doubt in my mind on this one. You are really trying hard to not hurt me. You are always careful with your words to me even if I don't deserve them. Always you are trying to help me out and support me. Always you are trying to lift up some of the sadness in my heart. Always you are trying to give me hope so I can keep on going. Always and always when you don't even know me. You are all good people!

Thank you!

They get angry at me yell at me.

[hillbunnyb]

TimeO I'm sorry people get frustrated and yell at you. Most people depend on a consistancy of daily life that us'ns just plain can not accomplish. It makes it hard all around.
Have these people any interest in learning more about depression? Maybe if they had more information on how hard it is for you to function at the level of their expectations they could stop blaming you for being who you are.
When I was too depressed to move as a young person, my Mom made lists of chores for me to do, thinking all I needed was work....... like washing all the windows in the house.......
She still thinks it's a matter of will. She's a control freak who does very little self refection. I moved to the other side of the country to find peace......
TimeO, we all have many facets, good, bad and ugly inside us.
Sometimes we act out and make a mess. For me the important thing is to notice when I alm down and try to clean up after my self as best I can, then forgive myself, learn my lesson, and move on. Beating myself up with my mistakes doesn't get me anywhere I want to go.
Try being as kind to yourself as you are to others here. You deserve your kindness too. LOL

I know that I am not lazy. I work, I keep my house clean, I cook, I drive people here and there, I do things for them, I help my daughters with their university, I do craft, I do resume for people, research for people and always I have my smile for them. Always.

But I must never say no. I must never put myself first. I must listen and agree.

Ok I just did what they wanted me to do. I feel awful for doing it. Now, will somebody please shoot me.

{{{{ time0 }}}}}

With all that you do in real life, you still take "time out" to support so many people here.

That is an admirable quality and I respect you for that.

Don't let their words diminish that.

Petunia

(((((((((((TimeO)))))))))))))
I don't believe that nonsence for a minute.

Thank you! Thank you!

woman, you're one of the sweettest and kindest people i'ever ever met. not one word of what you said about yourself do i believe. you've been my friend forever and i cherish you very much. love, pat

Thank you!