[feary]

I made a HUGE mistake...my life is one huge mistake

I gained 50 lbs within 9 months on abilify and celexa

I was soooo depressed about the weight that I though I would just come off of it....and my doctor was against it

so I weaned off them slowly and have been without them one month

I was ok, but now I have spiraled down with anxiety and depression again...obsessive thoughts about aging and death and self-loathing

but my life is such a chaotic mess and so impossible to fix

I now have so much anxiety too much to do the smallest things


i feel no joy ...

I feel impending doom...

I just took the abilify again today but I don't want to gain the weight back

but I don't want these horrible thoughts..

[sickofmybathrobe]

I had the same problem with Abilify - gained over 30 lbs. in about three months. It didn't help my self-esteem at all, and I couldn't afford new clothing, so i walked around in clothes that were three sizes too small for a little while until I borrowed some from my mother (and then I was walking around in clothing too large from a woman in her 70s, not exactly my style!). In general I'm dissatisfied with my appearance, but I've noticed how weight gain messes with my head, how I feel about myself. I went off the medication, too, partly due to the weight issue and because neither my doc nor I felt there was any significant change to warrant continuing it. It's taken me about six months to take the weight off, and really I did nothing other than losing my appetite because my depression is worse at this point. It bothers me when the doctor/drug manufacturer says there could be a slight weight gain and then I read about other people gaining so much weight. I sure hope someone is benefitting from this drug! Gaining weight doesn't help depression!

[Rohag]

Hello, Feary! I'm not sure from your post what you see as the "huge mistake." Do you believe that accepting meds in the first place, leading you your weight gain, was the mistake, or was the mistake weaning off the meds?

Regardless, this is a real dilemma. Have you made it clear to your doctor just how distressing it is to need meds that tend to put weight on you? Does he or she care?

Managing medical trade-offs is no fun...

[Caretaker Leo]

feary, I have the same question that Rohag posed about what the "huge mistake" is/was.

I have also gained a lot of weight on Paxil. It is very frustrating. Some days I just look in the mirror and say "yuck" at myself. I know I am dealing with some hormone changes that might be causing some of the gain. I don't eat any differently than before. And, having been thin all my life without trying, I just can't believe I have to start some exercise program at this stage of my life! (oh, denial...)

There does seem to be a trade-off involved. From many things I've read, it sure seems as though every anti-depressant/anti-anxiety med causes weight gain.

Currently, I keep myself going by asking myself if I would rather feel "normal" and not depressed or whether my body image is more important to me? So far, I've voted for the positive normal mood results from meds. But, I do hope you will talk with your doc. Perhaps he can provide you with ideas for balancing the meds and weight challenges.

[feary]

I really wish I were dead...there is nothing for me in this life

[feary]

the huge mistake was getting off the meds...but then again I lost about 6 lbs in the last one month from not taking it.

[aimeeislost]

maybe its not the right drug for you? have you tried others?

[Caretaker Leo]

Originally Posted by feary

I really wish I were dead...there is nothing for me in this life

feary, I sincerely believe that there is something for everyone in this life. We all have days when we feel we don't, but then suddenly something comes along that changes our thoughts. It could be something as simple as giving a lost person directions, answering someone's question because we have some knowledge that could help them, or even just smiling at someone else who is having a tough day.

All little stuff that can eventually add up to realizing there is something for us in life. Hang in there. And gentle hugs.

[feary]

Now I have been taking the meds again for the last two days after one month without and soooo much initial dosage anxiety and depression all over again...i am soo tired of this

this is too much for me to handle ... there is no hope for me and my poor kids