[beautifuldisaster78]

My therapist is leaving for vacation for a week and a half. Normally, this would bother me and I'd stress a bit but it would go ok. The problem this time is he's leaving for vacation, then right after that I'm leaving for 2wks for a family thing. So this 11 days turned into almost a month and I'm completely panicked.

Normally, I wouldn't tell him so. I tend to play the "tough girl" attitude on the outside, even though he knows I'm screwed up and I tell him intamite details of my life, I don't feel comfortable with him knowing that I am worried about this. I see him 2x a week and on days he says he has to miss one of those days inside my heart sinks. But outside I'm just okay whatever. When he told me he was leaving for 11 days (I didn't put that together in my mind with my leaving yet) I pulled out the calender on my iphone and started asking questions about what days, etc... so that I could type them in. I would have remembered them, but I didn't want him to see the growing anxiety in me. Now that I've put two and two together with the dates, I am downright sick over it.

I think part of my problem is that I don't want him to think I'm attatched to him. A spiritual "mentor" and best friend I had previously used to tell me not to attatch myself to him, but just to God. And I know in the psych world they talk about boudraies and transference and all that. So I'm scared to let him know that I freak out when he leaves. And NO ONE in my family gets that. What's a couple sessions? What's a few weeks? Why do you have to see him anyway much less 2x a week? Maybe it's wrong to be "attatched" to a therapist, but I am and no one gets it. Does anyone here get it? What do you do? Does your therapist tell you it's wrong?

[agma]

I don't have any words of advice or anything, but I just wanted to say that I completely understand, and you are not alone. I just recently had to go 3 weeks without seeing my T....it was very difficult, but I survived.

[vintageromance]

I definitely know what you mean. I always feel that same sinking feeling when my therapist cancels our appointment or leaves. I'm not sure if it's "wrong", but I think it's safe to say that a lot of people become attached to their therapist because they're the ones who are there to help us grow and overcome.

I'm sorry that no one seems to understand. I think you should tell your therapist how you feel though. I know he'll understand and be able to help you deal with your attachment appropriately. He's your therapist and that's what he's there for: to help you.

[beautifuldisaster78]

Thanks. I said something to my mom today about being weird about him leaving... I didn't go into detail or anything, (keep in mind I'm 32) and she kinda freaked out saying that wasn't healthy to get attatched to people. She doesn't really approve of me seeing him anyway I don't think so why do I bother trying to explain things to her?? ugh...

Watched a movie last night and in it the woman was severely depressed and the husband was questioning the Dr. saying "Why? she has a good life, loves her job, kids... etc..etc.." The Dr. replied "you're wife is not unhappy. She's ill." -- I know it's true, but I don't fully understand it so I guess I can't expect them too. *sigh* Anyway, I know I'll get through it. I see him Tuesday and am still considering talking to him about it, but again it's that "attatchment" thing. I don't want him to think I need him. Or that I feel like I need him. But really it helps me get through the week- like if I have a bad day or something, I can get through it and just say, "ok, I'll journal it then bring it up to him on (whatever day)." It's just 3 weeks... seems like a really long time. According to my 6year old its FOREVER, lol.

[kaliope]

well when yu talk to him you dont have to focus on the fact that your stressor is missing him. you go to therapy 2x a week that you will be missing, not only when he is gone, but tack on the time that you will be gone as well. so you can go in there and talk about your stress and anxiety over missing 3+ weeks of therapy and how will you cope while BOTH of you are gone. The voiced focus does not have to be on missing him specifically.

[beautifuldisaster78]

That's true- because that is, in fact, what I am missing. Not so much him personally but that I can talk to him and get help and advice. Thanks for the tip. I'll try to make that a point when I talk to him about it.

[Hope-Full]

I was in your shoes earlier this year. My T was going out of town for two weeks, and I was freaking out. I bit the bullet though, and told her how I was feeling and how anxious and scared I was to be without her for 2 whole weeks. She was wonderful! She helped me process the "whys" of it all (I have a lot of trouble with attachment) and said it is perfectly natural. It really helped me a lot, just talking to her about it, because it took the secrecy out of it, and it took the pressure off of me to be so strong about everything. It was actually quite a turning point in our work together!

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by beautifuldisaster78

she kinda freaked out saying that wasn't healthy to get attatched to people.

I know I am taking her statement out of context, but ya gotta love when you can see RIGHT WHERE your issue comes from. When I was a young married, my cat ran away (I was so dumb, I hadn't had her fixed yet, she came back a few days later), anyway I was crying (very unusual) and my dad said, very angry, "That's why I never get attached to anything, you just end up getting hurt!" I remember thinking, even me, dad? I had no clue. Still pretty much don't!

[beautifuldisaster78]

Hank- never quite thought about it that way, but you make a good point. I heard that a lot growing up about not getting attatched. Must be their own fear of abadonment. Attatchment/Abandonment issues.. UGH...seems like a no win situation