[SakuraLi]

Hi all I'm new to this specific forum on depression. I'm wondering how do you know when you need meds as oppose to just changing your circumstances and environment in order to get rid of the depression. First off, I've been in a relationship with my schizophrenic boyfriend for 8 years I feel like that and my own physical health which I'm having issues with, is contributed to my depression. My bf has never been a bad, mean man nor ever harmed me in anyway. He's a nice cool guy. But he has been mainly selfish, his needs go first. He's never actually said his needs go first that's just how it has ended up. A little over a year now he's been busy with work and school and he lives in another city and I've been feeling so neglected in the relationship. I've always been there for him and he's always been there for me until he just changed over a year ago. I understand the nature of SZ that one can change and they may never be the same from any given time period. I've told him what i want from him which was to have a set time we could talk together. But he won't do it. All I really want from him is to have a dependable man and he's not anymore. He says he's stressed from work and it takes a lot out of him which I believe I just but i feel like he's not there for me like he use to be. He's also use to us being apart because when I was gone 2 years for college he was super involved and supportive and it was just like we were together with video chat and calls and stuff. He stayed up with me all night to comfort me when i was sick for a few days back when i was at college it was so sweet and i felt super connected with him. Now the good times seems to be gone forever. The stress, sadness, anxiety and anger is weighing heavy on me. Especially lately. I am so tired, I have been crying on and off each day for a week, I dont want to see or talk to barely anyone,I just feel like crap. This has been going on for over a year since my bf has been so wrapped up in his stuff. Is this something that needs meds? or if I leave my bf or either lower my expectations and developed coping skills could that help with no meds? My depression has not reached any dangerous level yet and I doubt it will. Do you think this is just sadness or depression?

[beautifuldisaster78]

It sounds like you have a lot of stuff going on in your life that is causing so much stress and depression. Usually clinical depression manifests for 2 months or more and isn't necessarily based on circumstances, but I'm not saying you don't have it, however I would suggest maybe seeing a counselor first? They would better be able to tell you if you need to try some medication, or just start with counseling to deal with life issues. Wish you the best.

[Leed]

Hi ! I have to agree with "beautifuldisaster." Depression usually isn't over just one thing -- it's about everything in one's life. There's not one particular thing that you can put your finger on that's causing the depression.

May I ask why you stay with this guy? Obviously he's not meeting your needs -- and he seems to be pretty selfish too. You DESERVE better than this, dearheart. A "relationship" is supposed to be a partnership -- where both parties put in an equal (hopefully) amount of "work" in the relationship. It seems that you're doing all the giving and he's just taking. Whether it's because of his mental illness, I don't know --- but he USED to be more giving than this, correct?

I think I'd think seriously about ending this relationship and getting "back out" there --- and look for someone who will treat you as you deserve to be treated. Chances are your depression will lift -- and life will seem great again.

God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[SakuraLi]

Thanks for the advice all! I agree with you both. @Leed, yes my bf has NOT always been like he is now, he has always been selfish just not in a mean way, more like a whiny emotional martyr-ish kind of way yet he`d always been super involved in my life and we`d do everything together. I stay with him because I truely love him yet I also have a pretty low self esteem and I`m so nervous around guys and I`ve never been confident enough to try to talk to guys who seem to be worthwhile and all the losers tend to be drawn to me which has been a pattern all my life not just in adulthood. I`ve heard that the way you feel about yourself literally shows and it will attract negativity to oneself and I can see that`s what`s been happening to me my whole life. At this point I`m recognizing it and hoping to reverse it. With my bf at least he is being productive and doing stuff with his life now which is what I always wanted for him. He had always been with me and I always wished he could branch out a little bit and I`d told him that over the years but he never did till last year but now that it has actually happened I guess its hard to deal with. That part is actually my problem and thats something I need to work on myself. I guess I feel depressed and disappointed that now that his mental health has been much more improved he`d be better company but he`s more busy now so I`m not getting that benefit. Which is what I realized since I wrote my initial post. And now I feel dumb because this is what I ultimately wanted but when I finally get it I feel bad because it didn`t happen in the balanced way that I expected it to. This is definately not my bf`s fault. I feel even dumber for not giving myself time to think and let my emotions clear up before complaining. But thanks for providing suggestions I think getting feedback here helps me to focus on what the problem really is. In this case at first I felt like it was my bf and now I`ve figured out that its me.

[Leed]

Hi again ~ I have to applaud you for being so "self-aware." I wish all of us were like that ~~ as well as totally honest about ourselves!

I'm glad you've taken more time to really look at the whole situation. It can be hard to do, especially once we see that WE are part of the problem.

I have a feeling that this will all work itself out -- especially since you're getting to "know" yourself and are willing to work at the problem. Best of luck, and God bless!! Your boyfriend is lucky to have YOU. Hugs, Lee

[SakuraLi]

Thanks Lee! I just feel bad that it took me over a year of blaming my bf for what I perceived as him being a jerk and distant. When really some of the blame should be mine. I went through a tough time this past week of being emotional all because I couldn`t handle what I wanted all along. It`s near impossible to admit my own mistakes but I`m glad I`m able to now. It`s essential to have a happy relationship. Thanks again for listening and encouraging me. Take care, peace.