diagnosis base on not knowing much.

I'm falling apart tonight, after improving to where I thought I was going to be okay once again at some level of functionality.

When I was in the partial hospitalization program, I got told that there was a lot wrong with me. They thought a personality disorder, in addition to the mood disorder. I didn't think they were wrong. The pdoc in charge said that I emitted toxicity. She said it was a good thing I had some redeeming qualities, or someone would have killed me by now. [Honest to God - you can't make this stuff up.]

I knew the pdoc must have been right about how awful I was because how else could I have evoked from her such feedback. So I have the serious depressive disorder and anxiety and axis II issues, i.e. personality disorder. And she asked my sig. other how he managed to tolerate me.

There is a top notch mood disorder pdoc where I get my care, but I be as polite there as I know how, because I don't want to be labeled a bad person again. So maybe they underestimate the trouble that living involves for me. My new pdoc is female and nice, so maybe I could fill her in on craziness that I have gone through. And how disturbed I have been in my life. Always, at the Center, we just assume I have no history of psychotic features or episodes. That is not quite true. The doctor at the program did tell me that I did become transiently psychotic, when stressed enough.

I better take a shower. Since having that 3+ weeks of being better, I have been keeping everything very clean, including me. Some months ago, it was not like that and my place was becoming a dump. I think it is nice now. I will take a shower, thought I would like a bubble bath. I have to be careful not to take bubble bathe, because relaxation leads to downhill and then I go asleep in the tub and it is hard to get out. I am feeling the effects of my night meds and I better shower and get to bed. I want to get to bed earlier than last night. Then I can pat myself on the back, for a sign of improvement.

Despite awful thinking tonight, I haven't given up on the possibility that I might be okay. (Too much restoril making me too sleepy.) Goodnite.

That pdoc's actions leave me absolutely dumbfounded. Not only was that unbelievably unprofessional that pdoc sounds bitter and angry, taking it out on you. I bet you weren't the only one treated like that. I'm glad your new pdoc is nice. It sounds like you are able to build up trust with this person, which is very good, everyone needs that. Tell her what you want when you are ready.

Hello, Rose76!
Uh...and from which personality disorder(s) is the Pdoc in Charge suffering? My stars and garters! (Please pardon my language.)

Here's to you receiving better treatment!

I'm pretty shocked by these statements by a professional, too.
It seems to be a week of several people here revealing inappropriate and / or unprofessional comments. It's quite shocking to think one needs help more than anything else and then hear something like this!

I hope you're getting better very soon, Rose76! You've had a few really good weeks so that is really encouraging. Hold on to that.