[clouds_and_sun]

Here is the gest of things why I feel this way.....
1. I litterally have no family.
2. I can't seem to get a decent job. (my only friend has a job at a really good co. and I can't get one)
3. The state seems to be given up on me with helping me look for a job (I signed up with mental rehabilition services over a year ago still nothing).
4. with the way this economy is going I really have strong doubts that I will get aproved for social security, if I should decide to go that way another words yet another rejection.
5. I am going on 38 and I have never been in love. I am reject with guys cause I am too kind looking and too natural looking (I don't look what society says is a pretty face).
6. The boarding home I live in is not the greatest. I can't move cause of no money. my only friend is away from the home 50 hours a week cause she is happily at work with a good co (she has a great self esteme cause of her job and she has family who cares).
7. I have a hard time keeping online friends (I guess cause I am nothing)
8. I keep these feelings inside of me cause I don't want to bring my only friend down cause she is so happy and I am not.
I don't know what else to do anymore.
I wish i wasn't here, I just feel that I cant go on.

[Star7]

I just wanted to give you a hug.

[Marla500]

Clouds and sun, you are still young, and to tell you the truth, I don't think there are really that many people who are what society considers 'pretty.' the ones on tv and in magazines have all been 'retouched' so they don't even look as perfect as they seem to be! also I know what you mean about feeling on your own, I do have family but they are spread out everywhere and I really have no friends because it is so hard for me to figure all that out, I always seem to get stressed around other people. and after every conversation I always beat my self up mentally about what I said wrong.

but I won't give up if you don't!!

[Rohag]

Clouds_and_Sun!

No Family: Having no family is discouraging and frequently a handicap. I suspect a good many PCers would say that having a toxic family is worse than having no family. Nevertheless, no family is a bummer.

Mental Rehabilitation Services: My personal experience with government agencies tells me it is more likely they've lost your paperwork or are just moving glacially than that they've given up on you. You might try calling to ask where things stand with your application.

Keeping Online Friends: Hmmm... I understand you are a sensitive person, but based on your posts I don't get why you would have a problem keeping online friends (of course, I'm rather naive and am no one to judge). Is this more of a "Facebook" issue than PC?

Not Wanting to Bring Down Your Friend: It certainly reflects well on you that you are concerned for your friend's happiness. You know her best; with some good friends you can share your woes and with other good friends you can't. I hope you can find someone to whom you can unburden yourself safely -- and I wish you the discernment to know exactly whom.

Regardless, you are welcome here however you are.

[clouds_and_sun]

(hugs) to you all, and thank you for such wonderful encouraging advice.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Clouds_and_Sun!

No Family: Having no family is discouraging and frequently a handicap. I suspect a good many PCers would say that having a toxic family is worse than having no family. Nevertheless, no family is a bummer.

Mental Rehabilitation Services: My personal experience with government agencies tells me it is more likely they've lost your paperwork or are just moving glacially than that they've given up on you. You might try calling to ask where things stand with your application.

Keeping Online Friends: Hmmm... I understand you are a sensitive person, but based on your posts I don't get why you would have a problem keeping online friends (of course, I'm rather naive and am no one to judge). Is this more of a "Facebook" issue than PC?

Not Wanting to Bring Down Your Friend: It certainly reflects well on you that you are concerned for your friend's happiness. You know her best; with some good friends you can share your woes and with other good friends you can't. I hope you can find someone to whom you can unburden yourself safely -- and I wish you the discernment to know exactly whom.

Regardless, you are welcome here however you are.

[Inedible]

Originally Posted by clouds_and_sun

1. I litterally have no family.

If you mean in the sense of having a clear idea of who you are and where you come from, this is something everyone has to decide for themselves even if they do have a family. You can still do this without having a family.

If you mean in the sense of having people you can rely on to support you and to feel connected with, you can find this also. Some people find it in churches and other social clubs, but I think you may find those a bit too conventional and judgmental. It is worth taking some time to find a group you have things in common with, but it can be done. Keep in mind that people come together for a time and then fall away. You may have to do this several times so it is a skill worth developing.

Originally Posted by clouds_and_sun

2. I can't seem to get a decent job. (my only friend has a job at a really good co. and I can't get one)

A job that is not decent shows you are willing to work and to learn new things. That's the strategy I'm taking now. It is better than not having any money at all, and being forced to stick to a schedule really can help. I don't know about where you live, but where I live I can earn money working and still receive unemployment benefits.

Originally Posted by clouds_and_sun

3. The state seems to be given up on me with helping me look for a job (I signed up with mental rehabilition services over a year ago still nothing).

The state has more people to help than they have resources for. This is about them, not you. On the other hand, it is possible that there are tax benefits that future employers can get from hiring you and this is something a rehabilitation service may be able to help you with. If so it is something that you may want to be sure to let employers know, so long as you don't think it will interfere with your ability to work with them. I thought school was picky about attendance and being on time, but I had an employer who said that anything over 30 seconds late was automatically 4 hours without pay.

Originally Posted by clouds_and_sun

4. with the way this economy is going I really have strong doubts that I will get aproved for social security, if I should decide to go that way another words yet another rejection.

Most people need help getting accepted for social security disability, and almost everyone gets rejected the first time. I think I heard that blind people tend to be accepted the first time, but that was several years ago. You can't be working at all while you apply either. Again, the system is overwhelmed right now with new applicants who are filing for disability more for long term unemployment rather than being unable to work.

ACT is in Iowa City, but someone mentioned to me that people can get work helping to score tests that they can do from home. I don't know if it is true or not - but it wouldn't take long to find out what company they go through for this and to see if it is something you can do. A lot of it is reading over essays and comparing them to a checklist to make sure that they included every point that they needed to include.

Originally Posted by clouds_and_sun

5. I am going on 38 and I have never been in love. I am reject with guys cause I am too kind looking and too natural looking (I don't look what society says is a pretty face).

It is hard to comment on what you look like without any idea what you look like. I know that men have a reputation for being concerned only with looks, but I think you should be aware that women are far more critical this way than men can ever dream of being. In general. This means you, too. Most men don't really care too much about how they look once they have the basics of hygiene established (their hair is clean, they washed up with soap and water, they don't have food caught in their teeth, and so on). What I am thinking is that you shouldn't be concerned about how you look either. By that I mean, stop tearing yourself down. It is one thing if you are doing things like putting on makeup because it makes you feel good about yourself, but if you do it because you have to to avoid feeling bad that is a problem. For both men and women, confidence in yourself is truly sexy. It is that feeling that you know you are worth being with that will attract a man who will share that belief. It sounds like things are really difficult in your life right now and that is probably doing a great deal to undermine your confidence. Who you are is separate from the problems you are experiencing. You don't have to wait for your life's situation to improve to know that you deserve better.

Originally Posted by clouds_and_sun

6. The boarding home I live in is not the greatest. I can't move cause of no money. my only friend is away from the home 50 hours a week cause she is happily at work with a good co (she has a great self esteme cause of her job and she has family who cares).

And being surrounded by other people having serious problems can be depressing, too.

Originally Posted by clouds_and_sun

7. I have a hard time keeping online friends (I guess cause I am nothing)

Online friendships are usually very casual, in a here one day and gone the next kind of way. It isn't you and it isn't them; it is the nature of online friendships. What do you really even know for sure about the people you meet online? Lots of countries have states. I am only assuming you are female because you are looking for guys, but then, you could just as easily be a man. That's the way it has to be because you never know what kind of stalker freaks are out there or how they will react to you. It just doesn't make for good bonding between people and lasting relationships.

Originally Posted by clouds_and_sun

8. I keep these feelings inside of me cause I don't want to bring my only friend down cause she is so happy and I am not.

It is good that you found this place. You can bring those feelings here and it will help take some of the pressure off. It is good to be understood. Like it says in the book 1984, it can even be more important than being liked. You can't be understood for who you are and what you are going through when you have to hold so much back.