[addcolin]

I'm on Citalopram for about 4 weeks now, and in the beginning it really

stopped me thinking of very dark thoughts, however now I am feeling this

anxiety, frustration, sheer lack of any reasons to carry on... I am seeing a

wonderful Psychologist fortnightly, (I phoned her because of these constant scary thoughts...)

but as she is paid by my Government subsidy, all she wants is to get me to

work again, just throw me an antidepressant! even though I told her I have

always HATED myself and ALWAYS wanted to die. I've pretty much lost family

friends etc over this mindset, but I can't seem to stop?

What is there to do, besides CBT, meditation... don't work.
Thanks for any ideas.

[clouds_and_sun]

((((HUGS)))) I can totally relate, I poured my heart out to my T and when she found out that the state would only pay for a certain # of visits right after that she was cold as ice to me. I hope that you can find a good T. I suggest trying journaling and PC is a great place, you will find a lot of support here. I am glad that you came, WELCOME! ((hugs))

Hello, addcolin. What else is there to do? Accept responsibility for your well-being?

The Past: Don't Dwell on It, Revision It! Part 1
The Past: Don't Dwell on It, Revision It! Part 2
The Psycho-Logic of Dreams (Pt 1 of The "Logical Illogic" of the Psycho-Logical) http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...psycho-logical
The Paradoxical Rationale for Self-Sabotage (Pt 2 of The "Logical Illogic" of the Psycho-Logical)
The "Programming" of Self-Sabotage (Pt 3 of The "Logical Illogic" of the Psycho-Logical)
Self-Sabotage and Your "Outer Child" (Pt 4 of The "Logical Illogic" of the Psycho-Logical)
Self-Sabotage as Passive Aggression Toward the Self (Pt 5 of The "Logical Illogic" of the Psycho-Logical)
The Path to Unconditional Self-Acceptance
The Danger of Letting Others Define You http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...ers-define-you
Dare To Be Yourself http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/21307
When You Don't Like Yourself http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...-dont-yourself
A Discussion of Self Hatred http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_d...38260&w=5&cn=0

Treatment Plans and their importance with a link to more articles should you miss it: http://blogs.psychcentral.com/therap...t-plan-series/
here

“Without goals, and plans to reach them, you are like a ship that has set sail with no destination.” - Fitzhugh Dodson
“First you write down your goal; your second job is to break down your goal into a series of steps, beginning with steps which are absurdly easy.” - Fitzhugh Dodson

[addcolin]

Thank you so much for this clouds_and_sun and TheByzantine

- just to know that I'm not alone in this struggle, and convince myself of the need for

courage to carry on and not give up so easily - got to find the reason, goal etc first, I suppose?

Then it all fits together?