[JFB1962]

Hi, I wasn't sure where to post this because I'm not depressed altho some may think I am when reading the content of this post. I am 43 and BPD to the core. I've also been diagnosed with panic disorder and depression. Altho the depression only happens on occassion. I am taking 50 mg of Zoloft.

What am I suppose to feel when hugged? What am I suppose to feel when someone says "I love you" or "I care" or "I'm worried about you".

I could write alot more but I'll stop here, I don't want to upset anyone.

[Rhapsody]

You are supposed to feel what you are comfortable with..... and that feeling will and does come from how you where treated and loved (or not) as a CHILD.
If you were loved you will feel warm and fuzzy, If you were protected you will feel safe, if you were abused or rejected you will feel: sick, lonely, empty, fearful, anxiety, panic, hatred... the list goes on.

One cannot understand some thing they were never given....

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[JFB1962]

See, that's just it. I wasn't physically abused as a child.
My parents and I were very close. Especially with my mother.
I was her favorite and my mom always protected me and could never "let me go". Even as a teen, she always kept me close to her. As a child, I hugged my parents every night before I went to bed, and if I didn't I couldn't sleep until I did.

But, as years went by, I started hating being hugged. Even by my parents.

[(JD)]

Not feeling anything but apathy or sadness is depression.

Try to accept what others give to you, their hugs and caring, and allow them to share. By mentally acknowledging these acts you will gain some self esteem, as not everyone can possibly be wrong about you (though the depression will keep trying to tell you that??)

IDK but maybe as you matured you had trouble matching what they said and how they treated you with the hugs they offered? When we are younger, those kinds of questions don't always occur, imo.

TC.

[JFB1962]

Thank you Rhapsody and Sky. I am thinking about what you have written.

[complic8d]

I wasn't physically abused as a child either, but I was emotionally neglected. My feelings were never validated and I could not be who I was supposed to be (and now I have no clue). I wasn't hugged much, so I don't know how I would've reacted in the past, but now I don't like to be. I usually put my arms in front of me to block it, or feel very awkward if I do hug someone back. I don't seem to be able to let in any caring, loving feelings from anyone. Once, my T hugged me, and I actually felt like she cared and it scared the sh** out of me. I really have no idea why this is exactly, but you aren't alone in your feelings about hugs.
My best to you.

PS. I like cyberhugs, as they are very non-threatening!