[Bella]

Depression is absolutely nothing new to me, but two weeks ago my shrink gave me yet another pill to try, and for a full week I felt significant relief.

But not today, or yesterday. I struggle with thoughts of ending my life, so last night drank and drank and drank to make them shut up. Bad move because I cut more when drinking. I don't want to die, I want to get better. And today is one of those days where getting dressed seems an insurmountable task, and the very thought of getting out of bed leaves me shaking and sobbing. Where did that glimmer of hope go?

[Lexicon78]

I'm sorry you are feeling so terrible lately. Unfortunately, sometimes the drugs we get don't work or only work for a period of time. When I was on Lexapro it only worked for awhile and then it was like I wasn't even on anything.

Please let your doctor know how you are feeling and the ineffectiveness of the drugs you are now taking.

I won't be the first to tell you that drinking on any drug is probably the worst thing you can do. Please refrain from the drinking while you are taking meds, especially psych meds.

We all have our good days and our bad days, too, even on medication. Your medication is only a small part of your healing. The rest must come from you. So hang in there and pamper yourself.

[DaveyJones]

Hi, Bella,

It's great to meet you--I just wish it didn't have to be like this. I understand what you mean--I used to get quick, short term relief from anti-depressants. Before long, though, I would be down in the pit with no way out.

It turns out that a fast reaction to antidepressants like you describe is a classic symptom of bipolar diease.I took different AD's and constant therapy for almost 10 years before someone figured out what was wrong...it's been slow, but I am beginning to feel better consistently, and I think that you can too...

Go to your mdoc and get a referral to a pdoc (psychiatrist), hopefully one who specializes in bipolar. You can take some of the quizzes here on the site and see what they say.Don't give up...think about it...you've already weeded out a bunch of things that DON'T work, that will make it easier to find what does.

PM me if you need to talk.

DJ

[Estee1]

Oh Bella. That's an awful place to be in. I'm so sorry that you have to suffer like this.
You can always come and talk here. I have found that this place has helped me alot. I have a way to keep my mind a bit occupied. Even just by reading others posts and writing something to help them. Or telling people how bad I feel. It really helps alot. Gives me less time to think. Thinking is very dangerous for me. Although I sometimes get into that place where I can't even get the energy or passion to come and turn the computer on. I would just rather lay down and can't even be bothered eating.
I hope you feel better soon.
Hang in there. You're a special person.
Love Estee

[pegasus]

(((((((((((((((((((((((Bella)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

We care at PC

[Rhapsody]

((((((( HUGS ))))))) Bella -

I believe YOU that you do not really want to DIE, but the deep rooted wounds that lie within you do - they want the pain to stop, hence the DEATH wish.... I say this for I too am where you are and I am working so hard to remain here in the world long enough resolve the inner past that haunts me and my will to live....
it will take time, medicine and lots a therapy, but together we can do it.... hang in there and talk (vent) on here as you need - venting is the release valve to our emotional well being.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -