[DelusionsDaily]

So I saw T last friday and pdoc yesterday. Pdoc was an appointment to discuss the depression that had befallen me again. In the conversation he acknowledged that I had come a long way from where I was when he first met me when I was in the hospital in July. The wierd thing is internally I do not truly resonate with that. However intellectually it is very obvious. They both tell me how hard I have worked and how far I have come. Why is it that they and everyone else for that matter seem to see it but I cant truly believe it? Maybe I struggle with the word progress and switch it unknowingly for perfection?...I dont know. Is my progress toward wellness fake because I am on meds? Is this really me if I have to take meds to acjieve it? I dont kmow where all this is coming from really but its obviously in there somewhere. Just thinking out loud...

Some thoughts please...

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by MELISSSAD81

Is my progress toward wellness fake because I am on meds? Is this really me if I have to take meds to achieve it?
Some thoughts please...

What's the difference really between meds and food? They are all chemicals. Remember the history stories about sailors getting scurvy because they didn't have vitamin C on long voyages till someone figured it out? Or why they call them "8 ESSENTIAL amino acids" (of protein)? Essential means they cannot be manufactured by the body itself and must be ingested for the body to survive. You're not one of those air plants. You take in stuff and it becomes part of you and you stay alive. I have uncles who died of heart attacks younger than me because they didn't have the meds I have now, so should I be here or not? (You asked for "thoughts", right? )

As for seeing your own progress - I think something has to happen that makes you notice your own changes - gives you something to compare to? For example, I received a phone call from a friend I hadn't talked to in a couple of years, and I could really see the difference the last 6 months had made in me, in my interaction with her.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by MELISSSAD81

So I saw T last friday and pdoc yesterday. Pdoc was an appointment to discuss the depression that had befallen me again. In the conversation he acknowledged that I had come a long way from where I was when he first met me when I was in the hospital in July. The wierd thing is internally I do not truly resonate with that. However intellectually it is very obvious. They both tell me how hard I have worked and how far I have come. Why is it that they and everyone else for that matter seem to see it but I cant truly believe it? Maybe I struggle with the word progress and switch it unknowingly for perfection?...I dont know. Is my progress toward wellness fake because I am on meds? Is this really me if I have to take meds to acjieve it? I dont kmow where all this is coming from really but its obviously in there somewhere. Just thinking out loud...

Some thoughts please...

Depression is a horrible condition, and I wouldn't scorn any treatment that showed any signs of working. On my worst days, medication and therapy together were barely enough.

Of course, meds won't cure you, but they'll help hold you together while the therapy takes affect.

Depression and cognitive distortion feed off each other. Feeling "fake" is part of the condition. But if people tell you you've improved, they are probably telling the truth. You won't feel it in your heart (not yet!), but try to accept it at an intellectual level.

One Summer I was feeling well enough to come off Prozac, but I had to go back in Autumn. And so it was for several years. Each year, I was unmedicated for a longer time, and this year I needed it only a couple of days.

[venusss]

Depression and cognitive distortion feed off each other. Feeling "fake" is part of the condition. But if people tell you you've improved, they are probably telling the truth. You won't feel it in your heart (not yet!), but try to accept it at an intellectual level.

I don't know about this. In the end it is important how you feel, not how others percieve you. That is important for interactions with them... but for your well being it does not really matter.

People tell me I look like I am doing great when I am in deepest depths, because of my defense mechanisms I developed. It is nice to look functional and it is important... but if you feel bad on long run, despite how others percieve you... one should adress it somehow.

with meds... I don't know. I am personally not on anything, but I noticed sometimes the other like the medicated person more because they are tamer or less troubled on the outside, maybe more restrained... but if you feel like out of character and it is perstitent feeling then it is something to talk with your doctor and therapist. It is not meds in general making you fake, but maybe what you are on atm is not the best for you.

So coping is important. Interacting with the world is important. Life is gonna be struggle, and you have to accept some inner turmoil and learn to cope... it gets easier I think. But one should feel that overall things are okay, no matter the momentary feelings. If you are not feeling at peace and feel you are faking it for the world... you should adress what can be done differently.

Hope this is not too confusing.

[madisgram]

in therspy one can benefit from meds. for me it reduced the clutter in my mind so i could focus on how to chang my behaviors and beliefs, were i it on the meds i don't think i could participate in learning to cope with life.
hope this helps.