[Katwoman4]

Good Morning,
I would like to share something that has been on my mind. I work very part time for a catering company. I have three school age kids and my husband owns a small business. This is a very busy time of year for catering and I have been working 40+ hours per week. I really enjoy it. I feel upbeat, capable, and accepted as part of a good team of people. I have a sharp mind with a quick wit and can make people laugh.

I seem to have the talent of "turning off" my dark relentless depression.
How is that possible?

A few years back, I was hospitalized for eight nights because of depression. No one would have thought I was suffering because of my outward buoyant personality. In fact the breaking point took me surprise too.

I worry that as before my depression is stewing away and waiting to boil over while I ignore it and enjoy my time at work. I am (sadly) skilled at stuffing emotions.

Are on/ off switches common?
When I ended up in the hospital I was surprised and I am now wary to trust how I am feeling because I may just be stuffing. How can I really measure if my overall mental health is improving?
My psychiatrist told me she often tells people with depression to get up and out to improve their health. Her advice to me was to stop running so fast from thing to thing and try to be more aware of my feelings . Hard advice for me because I don't want to be alone with myself. It is like being solo in a bad neighborhood

What a ramble! Please let me know your thoughts.

Warmly,
Kate

[dusty9838]

Originally Posted by Katwoman4

Good Morning,
I would like to share something that has been on my mind. I work very part time for a catering company. I have three school age kids and my husband owns a small business. This is a very busy time of year for catering and I have been working 40+ hours per week. I really enjoy it. I feel upbeat, capable, and accepted as part of a good team of people. I have a sharp mind with a quick wit and can make people laugh.

I seem to have the talent of "turning off" my dark relentless depression.
How is that possible?

A few years back, I was hospitalized for eight nights because of depression. No one would have thought I was suffering because of my outward buoyant personality. In fact the breaking point took me surprise too.

I worry that as before my depression is stewing away and waiting to boil over while I ignore it and enjoy my time at work. I am (sadly) skilled at stuffing emotions.

Are on/ off switches common?
When I ended up in the hospital I was surprised and I am now wary to trust how I am feeling because I may just be stuffing. How can I really measure if my overall mental health is improving?
My psychiatrist told me she often tells people with depression to get up and out to improve their health. Her advice to me was to stop running so fast from thing to thing and try to be more aware of my feelings . Hard advice for me because I don't want to be alone with myself. It is like being solo in a bad neighborhood

What a ramble! Please let me know your thoughts.

Warmly,
Kate

I, too, scare myself with my depression. I have never been hospitalized with it but lately I'm scared that I'm going to just break down from all the suffering. Lately I have been going numb with my depression... numb as in I still am depressed but it's as if my body is going into shock because I can't seem to get myself out of it.

People around me may not see it because I can hide it so well. I have been keeping myself busy with improving my health (I've always been a health nut) but with my recent relationship loss my depression has taken over my life. I hope I'm not silently stuffing these emotions down but it's really hard for me to tell right now... I have a T appointment on the 20th so hopefully that'll help me resolve some things... who knows.

I'm really alone in dealing with this... I have no wife/girlfriend or children in my life and in a way I really am solo... well not in a bad neighborhood but solo none-the-less.

I hope things work out for you.

[madisgram]

kat, for years before my dx i put on a smile tho i was so very depressed. laughing on the outside and cring on the inside. i stuffed feelings and became even more depressed. there's a saying i coined, when i was running from self the only person who'ed be there is myself when i "arrive". it takes practice to fix this solution. keep working with T. sounds like u're trying to break that mold. yr honesty will help you too.

[DamienV]

i have had off times as well but i dont know how i do it i hope i dont ever get hospitalise because of it.

[depressedalaskan]

First of all you are taking care of your family and working 40+hours a week. Jobs well done. Give yourself a pat on the back.

Depression for me also comes and goes but it does not get far away from me. I can hardly write these Message. Takes me a lot of time as I can not stay focused.

You are not alone and You Are Doing a Great Job.