[ashlees5]

Hello everyone. I'm not diagnosed with depression I have it. I was molested when I was 16 by a family member and life hasn't been the same since. Nobody in my family knows about it and I don't like to tell my friends because I don't like to be the victim so trying to find someone to talk to is difficult.

Ever since I was molested I feel alone and self-conscious. I despise everything about myself. What I hate most was I used to be fun and outgoing, but now I don't even like to leave my bed to hang out with my friends. All I do is work and sleep. I know that this cold weather doesn't help, but I'm sick of feeling like this. I'm done putting on a "happy" face and pretending everything's ok when it's not. I want to enjoy life again, go out with my friends, and spend time with my family. School is even difficult for me because I'd rather lay in bed than do anything.

What can I do to feel better about myself? How can I start living life and quit locking myself in my house?

[Leed]

Hi -- you don't say how old you are, but I BEG you to talk to someone about this. I don't know how your relationship is with your parents, but you could start there. Also, the person who did this to you shouldn't be able to get away with it -- he's probably "hurting" someone else by now. I know you couldn't prove it now, but just letting others know what happened would help.

You also NEED THERAPY. A good therapist will be able to help you with this. So many women keep sexual abuse a secret because they fear they will be blamed -- that it's THEIR fault. It is NOT your fault, and you are NOT "dirty" or "used goods." Someone abused you, and it was NOT with your permission!!! You need help in learning how to respect yourself, and love yourself. You are as good as anyone else -- and as DESERVING of good things as anyone else!!!

Please talk to a counselor ---- even if it's a counselor at school. You need help with this. God bless & please take care. Let me know how you're doing. Hugs, Lee

[CantExplain]

I agree except for one thing: see a therapist first. They will help you decide whether, when and how best to approach your parents.

[Towanda]

Ashlees, I agree with Leed and cant explain. It is very important that you find your way to a counselor or therapist. Do you go to church? Could your pastor help? Look in your phonebook under community services - alot of times you can find free counseling services. I work as a counselor (free) for women in crisis in my county - everything from rape to domestic violence. Ive counselled women and teenagers who have been the victims of abuse. So the resources are there if you look for them.

It is really important that you talk to someone about this. I recently talked to someone who was 60 and she said I was the first person she told (it happend to her as a child. Thats a burden too heavy to carry for so many years, not to mention the unnecessary shame. Once you start talking to someone about what happened, the shame and feelings of heaviness will start to lift, and you will be able to enjoy life again.

Most important of all, please remember that what happened was not your fault. You did nothing to cause it - you did not ask to be molested. You may FEEL different because of what happened, and yes a part of you has changed because of the molestation, but you are still a valuable human being.

I check these posts daily so feel free to leave a reply if I can help further. Good luck!