......the failure?

...the enormous un-willingness that overtakes my survival instinct!

depression is like a permanent 'interview' with myself....and the only topic is WHY?

asking myself over and over whats wrong?

and....after a little bit....THATS what is wrong and I never get anywhere.

the words I hate the most are...the "nevers...the won'ts...the can'ts, unable, NO...not...not ever...can't...didn't ...wouldn't...not!"

the negative deflections of an otherwise functional human.

all anti-depressants just made me more depressed and ridiculously active at outer orbit behaviour.

I stay depressed to make sure I am prepared for anything bad!

feeling good is like a weapon backfiring on me...targeting all my vulnerabilities....with such

accuracy!

I don't know why I choose to HURT.....way before I need to...but I get upset so easily...it's not my fault

there is much sadness in life and the labyrinth of reality is aMAZEing enough to destroy any attempts I make at finding a path.

the mind is a spectacular mechanism...the soul defines how it operates,

what do I use to understand this connection?

something outside me?

yep...

just to hear that it's ok

[Severijn]

hi dubblemonkey.

Some of your thoughts were kind of similar to mine some time ago.

I definitely think these thoughts of yours come with depression.

For medications also didn't help. But have you tried CBT therapy or reading some depression self-help books? Understanding more about depression is often the first step to manage it better, or who knows cure it even.

watching a world without colour.....

despite what I do to handle the view!

A ghost alive!....

walking and dancing

unrecognisable.

I have been depressed for 25 years....I have also done my damn best to act like I never was....or ...and I never am.

weird

I am personally insulted by my accidental abuse

I hate me

can barely look at me

others don't see this!

I love colours....but I cannot see them

it's dark in the daylight and bright in the nightime


black

.....as the days pass I miss all the ones I want to be around!

the more days pass ...the more I miss them.

I don't like me enough to move forward....create new relationships...

because I expect them to end to

a drifter

a sorry ***

I am ashamed I cannot handle pain....

but I see it for what it is

..I will wake up...after haunting dreams....and panic attacks...

the new day will assault me

there is no other way to put it

I am but a weird body inside my own...

I have the power to release my fears...

to drop them off like strangers in my travels....

the visitors I never expected.....

don't turn up on me!

audacious humans of dis-content

allow me to organise...

arrange myself


so I might consider liking you!

(the borderline predicament)

[TerryL]

Hi Dubble--you're quite a poet. wishing you peace and happiness .

Originally Posted by TerryL

Hi Dubble--you're quite a poet. wishing you peace and happiness .

I might be a poet....but you are a comfort Terryl

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by dubblemonkey

I am ashamed I cannot handle pain...

I am ashamed I am not -- or, am no longer -- a resilient individual.
My efforts to rebuild resiliency have failed.

......so our guard has dropped?

is it the solution?

to give in

...yes I give in completely

I am faulty and predictable....complicated and sad

it's best

to surrender.

jboy

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by dubblemonkey

I am ashamed I cannot handle pain....

Nobody can handle pain. And the pain of depression is one of the worst mental pains there is, because you "know" its not going to end.

Once you accept that you are suffering a horrible illness, and it's not your fault, and it is unbearable - you may be kinder to yourself.

Sure, other people are cheerful and productive - but they don't have your burden. If they did, they'd cope no better than you do.