When will things get better?

Hi everyone, I just joined this forum but have been looking at it for a little while now. I figured it was time to sign up and say what's on my mind.

I'm 27, I have not been professionally diagnosed with having depression, but I've done so much research and reading up on it that I can see I have a bit of mild depression, but being as stubborn as I am, I can't get myself to go see a therapist.

For the past few years or so, I've had this feeling of being alone even when I'm in a room full of great friends and family. I have a wonderful group of friends who I would be lost without, but I just can't get myself to tell anybody how I'm feeling. Most of them, 98% I should say, live in other states now and it's very rare that I see any of them, we keep in touch online and phone.. The small group I have local seem just too busy to ever want to hang out. I spend a majority of my time alone and I do not enjoy it. I find it so hard to believe when people say they love spending time alone, going to dinner alone, going to a movie alone. It's so bad that when I'm actually with people, it feels weird. I'm sick of being my myself, I'm sick of pretending that things are okay when all I want to do is cry. I always wonder why things are the way they are because growing up, I never imagined my life would be like this. I spend birthdays alone because I have nobody to celebrate with. I don't want to spend the rest if my life feeling this way. I want to be happy but it's so hard when all I can think of is why me.? Meeting new people has never been hard for me, but they all just get involved with others and I'm the one that gets left out in the cold. Instead of being invited to do things with people, I'm watching everybody's fun through Facebook statuses and pictures. When I try to make plans with people, they're always busy.. It baffles me.. My bigget fear in life's growing old completely alone and it's slowly happening. I just want things to get better.. Ive always dreamed my life would be like the movie Now&Then.. A group of friends growing up together and as adults they are always there for each other. Instead, I'm watching everyone else live it.. And at 27, I feel like things should be a whole lot different than they are..

Anyway.. Thanks to anyone reading this! i appreciate it.

hi feelinglonely
i can certainly identify with a lonely life, but i am one who is ok with it. i am not much of a people person. but i am much older. like u i have attempted to make plans with friends and they just seem to busy. they all have families they have to get home to and just dont seem to have time for me so i have given up. it seems that you have genuinely put an effort forth in to establishing relationships so that you can get out to do things, so it is odd that nothing is panning out. Maybe something is getting lost in the communication somewhere?

As stubborn as you say you are, maybe it would be a good idea to see a therapist for a bit. Just to sort things out. Set some goals. It doesnt sound like you would need intensive therapy. But a therapist could help you with your communication skills to make relationships more successful, help you view life in a different way.

Anyway, welcome to PC. You will find lots of support here. Make sure to check out the chat rooms.

Moving on is something we all do. Your friends have all moved away? I see that you do keep in touch with them. Phone, facebook whatever try to keep these friends in your life. WE do not stop being friends because we move on. But we will have less time as our families, our ages, our interests change. These are not bad things, but it is life. Remember the phones work both ways. A very dear friend of mine died of cancer a few years back. Before he was bed ridden he told me "Never forget your friends" "pick up the phone and say hi, it may only take a minute or two but call." Maybe you can arange a trip two see some of them.

Depression may hit anyone at anytime. Try to hold it back if you can, if not get help...

Friends, there are many places to meet new people, church, town funtions, bars, join clubs and donating time for local charities. Not sure if you fit in here anywhere. But it is only and idea. Anyway, welcome to PC, thanks for joining, post whatever you like.

thanks for replying. I think I'm going to research some therapists and go in the beginning of the year. My main problem is I don't have health insurance so i'm afraid of how much the sessions will be and if I will be able to afford them or not, and If I can afford them, how many will I be able to afford. Money is so tight which doesn't add to all of this stress.

I get discouraged when I'm the only one putting any effort into trying to make plans with people, they turn me down and then I see later that they were doing something because of pictures on facebook. I don't understand it and when I mention it, they say something like it was last minute. Well if it's last minute for you, why can't it be last minute for me too, ya know?

The friends I do keep in touch with, I talk to pretty much on a daily basis but since they are living in other states, they have their own friends there that they go out with, so in the end i'm still the one by myself.

I do meet a lot of people at school. I'm going for my 2nd degree and have a lot of friends in my classes The problem with that is, i'm also at least 5 years older than everyone.. which is also tough because they have their interests at 21-22 years old.. and I have mine at 27.

I would love to go out and meet people and actually be able to see them.. but it just doesn't seem to go that way. I have one or two great friends that I see on a regular basis but i'm not their only friend so I can't claim them to myself. If they want to go out with other people, they can. Too bad I'm never included in that.

It's such a big mess and at 27, it shouldn't be happening like this. Sometimes I just want to rewind time and be a kid again and try and figure out how this whole mess started.

Hi,

Today I actually deactivated my facebook (though I have done this many times before). I am 20, yet I am going through the same thing as you. I would spend so much time scrolling down my newsfeed and watching other people's lives, and I would envy that they were spending time with a group of friends. I've never had a steady group of friends...I've only floated from person to person.

It's difficult, but you're not alone.

I've thought about deactivating my facebook. It's sad that i'm SO dependent on it, that if I did, i'd reactivate it by the end of the day. A lot of my close friends and family from around the country are on it and I couldn't deactivate it. I'm sorry to hear you are going through the same thing! I'm sure we'll both get through it. I've always had a steady group of friends until they started graduating college and moving to different parts of the country and i'm left here going for a 2nd degree. it's tough. i'm sure you will get through it and so will I.

Can you get a pet??? I understand what you are saying I just need to think on this for a while. Try to have a good new year.

Nope, I can't afford a pet. Vet bills alone will be too expensive. I'm hoping to make it a good year.. I'm going to try, thanks!

FL: I totally understand where you are coming from. Facebook sucks. But, I also have a very select few people that I would actually like to keep in touch with and the only way to do that is through Facebook. It's hard to see what appears to be everyone else having the time of their lives.

As far as therapy and no insurance. I had the same problem and most therapists that I called worked on a sliding scale. So definitely check that out and see if you can find someone to talk to.

It's nice to see that others are going through the same thing as me but at the same time it sucks for everyone too.

A sliding scale, I didn't even think of that. That's good to hear. That makes me feel a little better financially. After posting here, I learned I'm not the only one who feels alone all the time and that really does help.

In my state, the Samaritans have a sliding scale for counseling also.

i made a few phone calls and two have sliding scales, so i'm going to make an appointment with one of them and see what happens from there. is it normal to feel absolutely terrified going to see a therapist for the first time? because i'm really nervous and I didn't even make the appointment yet.

Totally normal! I still have a hard time even calling them on the phone. I hope you find a therapist you click with. I think they say to give it about 3 sessions before you decide if you don't want to go back. But I think you can tell right away with some of them

Good luck and keep up posted!

i made an appointment with someone and I will see her Friday afternoon. I'm very nervous. I have a very hard time talking about my problems face to face.. which is a main reason I have been in this big mess for so long. i'm hoping for the best though. I realized my feelings of being alone will not go away without help and the longer I wait, the worse everything will get and i'm not sure I will be able to handle it much longer.

Usually therapists will put you at ease so you can feel freer to talk to them. If they've done this a while they're accustomed to clients' initial anxieties. Sometimes the anxiety itself is a good starting point.

You may want to write down your concerns, or print a copy of your original post, and take it with you to your appointment. That way if you totally freeze up, your therapist can read it and support you from there.

I wish you the best of luck.

Maybe once you get started with your therapist, you can ask if you could continue by phone? I had phone grief therapy as my T was in another country and it worked fine.