There must be a time,

when it's OK to just quit fighting and give up.

things all around to push me down.... trying over and over to stand back up. Doesn't there EVER come a time when one can say--- "You've fought long and hard-- I guess it can be time for you to let go".....

so tired...... my energy is about depleted.....

How many times can someone hurt you over and over and then when they say they're "sorry" you're expected to go on as if nothing happened?? ..... knowing that the hurt will be repeated in time as it always is.
Or things from the past brought back up.... to dig into that wound that you've been so careful to protect, or being reminded that you just can't measure up. Don't know what to do....

sorry I haven't been around to support.... that makes me feel even worse in posting this..... as, here I am reaching out... when I haven't been able to be around for others. I'm so sorry.

mandy

I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling bad. I sure do know how it feels and it isn't good. I don't know anything about your situation, but I do know that change is always possible. You just decide you're tired of being tired and decide to take positive action. You are worth it despite the people and circumstances that weigh you down.

2b1better,
No! Don't give up!

(((((((((((((((((((((((2be1better ))))))))))))))))))

Why do you have to put up with someone hurting you over and over again?

Please don't give up Mandy! I don't know who this person is you are referring to but no one should have to put up with a situation like that. I am sorry I have been so quiet and unsupportive lately, please PM me if I can help. Take care of you!
Fuzzy

My sweet friend,

There is no time for giving up but there is a time to say "I have enough" to this person or these persons that are hurting you.

I think that you are over your limit. Do not quit Mandy, take another path.

I am here for you and I do understand!

one thing I do with friends is I don't fight. Fighting usually ends up with both sides upset and saying and doing immature things that they end up regretting which only makes the original situation worse. and you are right sometimes Im sorrys don't fix things, and neither does acting like nothing is happening.

I know disagreements happen in all kinds of friendships in real life and on line.

the way I deal with situations like this is first I can't fix or please everyone. No matter where I am in life, location and so on there is going to be conflicts.

I had a friend in real life. we had a 7 year friendship, we met in a support group for sexual abuse, me by relatives and who knows who else, her abusers one a relative and the other serial rapist Duncan Proctor who has been in the media and so on in the past. This friend and I were inseprable. She was my sons guardian if I died from one of my physical health problem. My son called her aunt SaSa. her children at times called me aunt so and so and sometimes we even hammed it up by them calling me momma so and so after her husband one time kissed the kids goodnight before going to work said jokingly have fun at your second mothers house. But something happened - she got divorced and got back into the dating, drinking drugging scene. It effected her kids because they never saw her unless we got up super early befor school and I took them home to spend a few minutes between their mom getting up and them having to get on the school bus, or my taking them home so they can spend a few minutes between her getting up and her taking off with her boyfriends or work. The kids started having behavior problems She passed it off by saying "they just dont want me going out dancing" and she was not giving up dancing for them. The situation got worse. one day one her day off from work and had no plans with boyfriend she had my son and her son chased mine with a knife and tried to kill him, luckily I had raised my son knowing his body was his and no one else and he had a right to protect himself. He got to his back pack that had a thick back protective lining so books and stuff didn't poke his back. he was able to hold that in front of him protecting himself so the 10 year old daughter could take the knife away from her 8 year old brother. Where was my friend? still in bed waiting for a call from boyfriend. when the children went to her she yelled at them that she was not going to listen to their childish bickering just because she wanted to stay in bed a while. When the children finally diclosed to me the situation and I tried to sit down and talk with my friend about the situation she refused to talk about. refused to put her son back in therapy and on meds.

It finally came down to my not trying to fight with her and try to fix situation with her. It was time tostop fighting. My son and I needed me to be not fighting. I gave up the fight....

I gave up fighting but I didn't give up on me and my son. I got a piece of paper and wrote a list of what I needed to do now that the situation had happened. There was no changing the situation happened and no changing my friend and I had different views of the situation. But I could take care of what needed to be taken care of for me and my son because the situation happened -I talked with the school and let them know what had happened so that they would keep the boy separated so that the abusing could not harrass my son for telling which he had been doing for the two weeks before my son told. The school refused. The priuncipal said keeping the two boys separate infringese on the abusing boys right to have my son for a friend. I told him that child gave up his right to my sons friendship until he recieved therapy and so on for his actions and removed my son from that school. I also started placing my son and I on waiting lists for therapy. I also told my friend since the two of us can't agree on what needs to be done together for both children then I need to do what is right for me and my son - I could no longer have her and her children in our lives without her son going back on medication and her and the children are recieving some therapy to help them with this situation.

My friend and I did not have contact for 5 years. she found out my son was in foster care and wanted to be a shoulder for us. DHS had already been told about the situation and I was told contact at that time would jepardize my sons coming home unless she was drug tested clean and sober and her and the children had recieved therapy. so I write explaining the terms I set down 5 years ago still stands and now include DHS varification. until then she had to stay out of my life. a couple years went by. I got news that her rapist was being transferred to a private hospital and the sexual abuse agency that helped with prosecution was trying to find her so I got in contact with her. Over the course of a year I thought we were doing great at trying to rebuild our frinedship only to find out she was under survailance for drug dealing. She tried fighting with me about it. And again I walked away from the fight. I chose to give up on fighting and do what is right for me and my child and that is not fight, not get baited into heated discussions and so on. I leave her with the choice to fix the situation for herself concerning herself and I take care of what is needed for me and my son.

Theres no reason a person has to keep fighting a battle. They can give up fighting the battle but still take care of what needs to be done to take care of themselfs.

This works no matter what the situation in life. A DHS caseworker ended up burying herself because she worked so hard at trying to bait me into fights with her. It was when I gave up fighting with her and did what needed to be done for me and my son that her illegal ways showed and she got fired for them.

Take my posts. My posts are not the typical mass media approach which sometimes upsets people here. The first thing that happens is try to fight with me either by pm or on the boards even though there is a way to not have to read my posts if it upsets a person. I choose not to fight. and soon time after time the person attempting to fight against my posts stops fighting at me (since Im not fighting back its at not with me), they finally draw that line to give up the fight and do what is needed to make sure they dont get upset by my posts. Once they do that the emotion level is gone and they can see the situation, do the research for themselves and suddenly the ones posting against the information that I have posted is posting they are expeiencing things that I have posted about and are using the same type of treatment now that I have been posting about.

You ask if there is a time when the fighting has to end - the answer is yes. I just gave you examples of 3 situations where giving up the fight works.

Each person has to decide in themselves if fighting that fight is really helping and when it is time to give up the fight and take care of what they need to do to take care of themselves.

(((((((((((Mandy)))))))))))) I wish there was a way that I could help. Pm me if you want to talk. You're a dear friend.

(((((((((((((2be1better)))))))))))))) Please don't give up. I don't know your situation but no one deserves to be treated poorly. Please be safe. Feel free to pm me if you need to.

((((((((((((((((((((((Mandy)))))))))))))))))))))

LCRose, thank you for your support. Sorry you are familiar with these feelings too. I will try to keep the hope inside me-- that change is possible.

pegasus, I'm trying hard not to give up. I s'pose me being hurt over and over is the cycle that has been set-up with me since I was a child--- sometimes it feels impossible to break out of that cycle thank you for your reply-- I appreciate it very much.

Oh Fuzzy-- you don't need to apologize for taking care of you! I'm glad for you that you are doing that. About my post-- I'm just getting tired of the same painful outcomes in my 3-D life. Thanks for your support Fuzzy and the offer to PM-- I appreciate that so much.


LCRose

pegasus

Fuzzy

mandy

Time0-- yes, saying I've had enough would be the thing to do--- it's just..... I'm finding it difficult to voice those words.
I'm going to try to "take a different path"-- very good advice BTW. Thank you so much for your support.

Myself--- Gee-thank you for sharing your stories. My initial post was actually referring to my fight in holding on to the idea that I'm worth existing.
However, I see what you mean about giving up "the fight" with others. I often get myself in disagreements where it would probably be best to just take care of ME-- and don't even go where the other person is trying to lead me-- which is usually a very bad place to be anyway.
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Each person has to decide in themselves if fighting that fight is really helping and when it is time to give up the fight and take care of what they need to do to take care of themselves.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
That is great advice for me-- thank you so much.

Time0

Myself

mandy

Susan, thanks for your offer to PM and for your reply-- I appreciate it very much.

bipolar bear, thanks for your support and the offer to PM-- it's much appreciated.

Jen, thanks so much for the hugs.

Susan

biploar bear

Jen

mandy