[busub]

So about 2 years ago I was diagnosed w/ GAD, PD and MDD triggered when I quit smoking. During the course of treatment I had a brief hospital stay, followed by a partial hospitalization program then follow up care. I achieved remission (for the most part) through therapy and Paxil about 6 months later and discontinued Paxil much later in July, 2011.

One month after discontinuing Paxil my depressive symptoms returned (early morning awakenings, feelings of dread, depressed mood) and I resumed my Paxil regimen. Things seemed to be pretty good by October and thought that I had it licked again, although w/ the Paxil, and I figured I would just need medication long/life-term.

That is until the Monday before Thanksgiving when I had a Panic Attack at work. This floored me for about a week and my Pdoc recommended I increase my dose of Paxil and told me to take Trazodone (I had left over from earlier) after I had a crying jag the day after Thanksgiving. With the Trazodone, my sleep improved, and with that, my depression. Things had been going better for the most part and while my mood wasn't great, it was stable.

However the last couple of days I've been feeling pretty down. Especially in the mornings. Not having any crying spells, but overall feeling pretty fatigued, empty, anxious and blue. I'm still able to function for the most part and my depression has been pretty mild-moderate, but for some reason I just can't seem to shake it. I don't remember much from my last recovery but is this normal? The up and down nature of it has been really discouraging.

Sometimes I doubt that I have depression/anxiety at the moment because every self test out there says that my mood is a concern but within normal levels. Even the sanity test here says I scored a 33 or something. Still, I don't feel like I think I should. I think I'm being honest in my responses, but I get such low scores. I don't get it.

I feel kind of lame for even posting because I know in the grand scheme of things, my depression is no where near as bad as many of the other posts I've seen here nor as bad as it was when I was hospitalized in 2009, but I just wanted to see what the community had to say.

Any way, my symptoms:
Fatigue
Anxiety
Restlessness
Feeling sad/down
Occasional lump in throat/shortness of breath
Anhedonia
Low Motivation
Disturbed Sleep

I don't typically suffer from guilt, feelings of worthlessness, etc, which I believe, drives my depression score down.

Currently I'm on 30 mg Paxil and 25-50 mg Trazodone for sleep. I also take a B-complex, Fish Oil, Magnesium and Calcium.

I'm just so upset. I quit smoking (14 months as of 12/23), limit my caffeine, eat well, take my vitamins, comply with my medication regimen, try to get relaxation in daily, try to be socialble and not isolate, exercise 3-4 days a week, and lost weight (in a good way). I have a wonderful wife that I love dearly, supportive family, friends, a stable job and am comfortable financially. I've done everything I could and yet here I am. It makes it worse knowing I have no reason to feel this way. No one or nothing to blame. This is all rubbish..

Any input would be helpful.

[depressedalaskan]

((((busub)))) You have a lot of stuff going on there. I do not have an answer for you as I am not a doctor. I know my days go up and down with my depression. You might try printing out your post and sharing it with your doctor. Keep doing what you are doing by getting out and everything. Best of luck, welcome to PC, hope your days get better.

[madisgram]

busub i encourage you to discuss this with your pdoc. your meds may seem effective and then go kaput. i've had this happen to me and pdoc tried a new mix of rx. we finally found the good match for me. i'm not a doc but could relate to your feelings. sounds like tweaking your meds did not work long term.
you could print out your post and discuss this situ with him. feedback to pdocs is most useful for them to get it right.

[busub]

Thanks to the both of you... I've considered changing my meds up w/ my Pdoc the last time I saw her but despite my complaining I continue to have a partial response from the paxil. Also, I've only been on the increased dose a little over a month. Hopefully this is just a little bump. I am just feeling particularly crummy the last couple days. Some of it is probably due to the holidays and the fact that I haven't seen the sun in a while (good ol' pacific NW weather). I don't know. I'm scheduled to see my pdoc next week, so I'm hopeful that I'll manage till then.

[tutitaylor]

Busub- I would not hesitate to check in with your pdoc early if need be. I can not diagnose but it seems that you should be discussing this with your professional. These are important symptoms and need attention. I hope that you are feeling better soon. Let us know how you are doing.

[BlueChris]

Echoing others - pdoc discussion is a good thing. The more info shared the more accurate they can be.

Tricky thing with the medications is that there's no empirical measurement to say "Ah HA! Increase x mg and we'll be in the zone."

Don't dismiss how you're feeling or think you have to try to "measure" against any of the other members' feelings here. It's all relative and there's no standard measure. If you feel crappy - we all "get it" and sympathize. Crappy is crappy.

I've gone through the med switcheroos too. Started with Paxil and it worked for me for a while. Didn't like some of the side-effects and eventually even with increased dosage it hit a plateau and it took several other experiments to find something acceptable.

You are doing some healthy things to help yourself. Just hope you're not adding to your stresses trying to balance all of it.

Hugs.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, busub!

Originally Posted by BlueChris

Don't dismiss how you're feeling or think you have to try to "measure" against any of the other members' feelings here. It's all relative and there's no standard measure. If you feel crappy - we all "get it" and sympathize. Crappy is crappy.

Well said! When your cup of woe runs over, it doesn't matter how big the cup is -- you've still got a mess.