[White Lily]

This is my first time posting on this website, and the first time I've ever talked about this.
I've been feeling depressed for what seems to be years. My mother died when I was eight, and I went to the school therapist for three years before I stopped. I've gotten completely over it, but it seems that the event left a pessimistic imprint on my mind, and I've had a lot of trouble seeing the bright things in life. I feel as if I can't trust anyone, not even my best and only friends, and as a result I lie constantly about how I am and how I feel. I've gotten used to putting people above myself, and have extremely low self-esteem. I use many means to numb myself from life. Reading, video games, and internet surfing are the most common, but when my depression becomes too much, I use self harm though cutting and occasional burning as a stress relief. When I began cutting three years ago, I didn't feel suicidal, but lately the feeling of stress and exhaustion have reached a boiling point, and the idea has become more and more tempting.
I'm sorry for the long read and if this is just a waste of time, but I need to try. There are some other problems, but I don't want to make this post any longer than it needs to be.

[turquoisesea]

It's not just a waste of time to post here. And you can always post other problems as you go =)

I think seeing a therapist would be a good idea, if you can afford it. Therapy can sometimes alone really change you life, over time. You'll have to be willing to put in the effort time and money for therapy but most of the time it's 100% worth it.

Especially since even a basic suicidal thought has crossed your mind now is the time to reach out for help. These thoughts can creep up on you until they are persistant. If it gets to that point it will be very difficult to start on treatment because you'll be in a worse place. Just like any illness the sooner you get help the better right?

also, to PC

[depressedalaskan]

Hello and welcome to PC. This is a great place to learn and share. I myself think that you need so see a doctor. Depression can be triggered by phsycal things too. The doctors will ask you some questions and take some blood. Test you and let you know where to go from there.

[Mylifeisdepressing]

Hey, welcome to PC! I hope it helps you, the people here are really supportive and understanding and I know it helps me. I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you're having a hard time, I think you should go to the doctor about it. Maybe you can get some help and start getting better. You can PM me if you need toy talk

[White Lily]

Heh, thanks everyone for the warm welcome. It really does help. I felt a bit embarrassed posting last night, though I feel much better about it now.
The more I think about it, the better the idea sounds to just go and see one, though the money issue is a bit of a problem. I was thinking that maybe the counselors at my school might be an option, though I don't know what kind of stuff they're used to dealing with.

[depressedalaskan]

I don't know were you live but you might get on a sliding pay scale for a therapist. That is what I do as I to can not afford the money they ask for.Good luck, keep posting.

[BuggsBunny]

Originally Posted by White Lily

I was thinking that maybe the counselors at my school might be an option, though I don't know what kind of stuff they're used to dealing with.

The counselors at school are a good place to start. If they can't help, they can refer you to someone who can. Your MD is another good resource.

Please don't let money stop you from getting help. A lot of towns, cities, and counties have a public health department that will see you on a sliding fee or no fee basis. You can find them in the phone book under the name of the county (city/town/etc), or google them on the internet.