[Sirshadowd]

Hello all. I'm new to this board and I am reaching out because today it seems my depression has peaked and I'm really feeling like doing
something stupid. I won't but the feelings are hitting me like never before right now. I'm in the process of a separation ( soon to be divorced) in part due to my depression. I have isolated myself from family and friends and have no one. I'm currently staying with my mother (about 30 days now), and I'm unemployed. The past two days I have been an asshole to my mother and my wife and I am feeling extremely guilty about it right now too. I have absolutely no one. I can't believe that this is how I start my new year. I have been crying for a few hours now. I have my daughter (19 months old) with me right now for the weekend and we are alone. I have no one to talk to. I have been reading a book ( feeling good) and thought things were looking up. And now I'm here feeling worse than I ever have. I'm not sure what I'm looking for coming to this site. Please somebody help me.

Hello, and welcome to PC. Oddly enough, I am reading the same book. It is very helpful, but even the author recognizes that those with a more severe depression should seek professional help, while obtaining help from the book. Are you currently seeing a psychiatrist or a therapist?

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Sirshadowd!

Wow. You are dealing with a lot all at once and, already depressed, I'm not surprised you are feeling worse than you ever have.

You are reading a self-help book; good. (You've also joined a support site.) What else have you tried or are trying? Has anything helped even a little or even for a short while?

Just for reference:
PsychCentral Online Depression Resources
PC Crisis Resources

[Katwoman4]

Hi, the changes you listed are HUGE life events! It sounds overwhelming. Additionally this is a tough time of year for many people.
Hang in there and try to be as understanding and gentle with yourself as you would be to a friend who was on your shoes.

Warmly,
Kate

[Sirshadowd]

I'm not seeking help right now and I know that's one of things mentioned early on in the book. I am unemployed and I do not have transportation means. Where I am currently staying having your own transportation is a must. I should at least look into options but I'm unsure where to start. I feel like there is no hope. I do not see how I can possibly get myself out of the situation that I am in.

[Sirshadowd]

Okay so I have looked into a few things but don't have access to any transportation. I am trying to move back to Chicago where I used to live but I need a job in order to get an apartment. I don't have computer access, only my iPhone. I have applied for job on Craigslist but haven't received any replys. I really have no one to help me out. My mother who I am currently staying with is extremely unsupportive and seems to do anything she can to bring me down. About a week ago she blew up at me and made an extremely hurtful comment to me. She said that I deserve everything that is happening to me but she said the one thing that I don't deserve is my daughter. I told her that I want her to have nothing to do with my daughter. I cannot believe that she would say this to me. So I spend my days in a room. I sometimes go whole days or more without speaking to anyone. I am trying to reach out to other family members but I feel bad as I usually don't speak to them anyway. Not that there is bad blood it's just I have always been somewhat of a loner. I need to get out of this negative environment. At least in Chicago I can move around using public transportation and a lot of my family is there. I really need to find a job in Chicago. I have absolutely no confidence in my self as far as finding a job. What's weird is I have every confidence that I could hold most any job if I had it. I am a very hard worker it's just the finding it part. I get so down. Some days are ok, I tell myself things will be ok and I see hope, but most days I feel like there is no hope of me getting out of this situation so why don't I end it? I have little to no support, I have reached out to my older sister but we were. Ever close and hardly talk and she gives me the impression that I am a burden, even to talk to. I spend hours worrying about things. I think things would be different if I was working. I would feel like I'm actually being productive. But I don't see how I can do it.