I'm So Tired...

It's been a year since I've felt this bad. I don't want to get up in the mornings any more. I don't want to live any more. I'm so tired of feeling all this pain...it won't go away even with the meds I take day after day. I want to cry all the time and can't shed them... I gasp because I stop breathing and don't even know it. I dream of my dead parents and hate that I wake up. Even my sons up coming wedding has me down. I don't want to go. I'm afraid. I'm always afraid of being embarrassed, made fun of, or ruining something. I just don't want to be here anymore. I'm afraid of what I might do....

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. You know there are certain things out of our control. As nobody dies just because he wants to. But you have certain things in your control. You are a mature person BO and you've got your indiviuality. Nobody has right to make fun of you. You are free to do whatever you like. If somebody dared to bully you then you've the guts to give him a nice answer. You have got a courageous person within you. You just need to explore it and you'll see, you won't ruin anything at all.
I was an early riser but now me too awake late because i don't want to face the world. But then when i've to, i don't let anybody take pity on me or let me down. The world has got nothing better to rule me or you. Believe it and you'll see the difference.
Good Luck!

Doing much better today... Tuesday and Wednesday was so tough, and I don't know why! I don't understand my mood swings.... But I'm grateful to Gd for the great day i have had!

None of us understand our mood swings. Nice to know that you are doing good. Keep it up!