[staceyoc84]

Hi there,

Working from home today....as I make my through a another day having not done much apart from stare at my computer, having not got dressed or done anything at all except have snoozes, I got wondering if I have some sort of depression or bi-polar or something. I don't know who or where to even begin to find out?

I don't know if I'm being silly and its normal to have days like this, or if I have some sort of problem.

I have had depression in the past, although not spoken to anybody about it. It was during 6th form. Usually a studious person, I had no motivation to study and failed exams, was always miserable and slept constantly. But luckily went to uni got a good degree and now have a great career. I managed to turn it around. Since that time, I have travelled, got rid of a controlling boyfriend, and moved away from a controlling mother. I used to have suicidal thoughts, but the last time I had that was christmas 2008. I now live a alone, great career, great friends, and a boyfriend who treats me well, with probably too many hobbies.

But I'm noticing a pattern, whereby I am one period, on top of the world, feel like I can achieve anything I want to, come up with challenges and goals all the time. Feel completely self assured. I get irritable with other peoples weaknesses. Why cant they just see or do things properly? its so easy.

Then Its like I crash and burn. I can't bring myself to do anything. Not particularly down in the dumps or sad. Just lifeless, lacking motivation. Theres nothing. eating and moving only if necessary. And hibernate avoiding social situations. I get annoyed with myself, because i'm wasting a day or eating rubbish because its easy. Its a realy drag trying to get anything done.

I tend to do well to prioritise excersize and friends and rest days. Im quite conscious about what my body needs. Although my mum constantly tells me I do too much. But I think thats because she doesnt do anything, and laugh at her comment.

I'm wondering if there is more to my energy swings, or if I am just 'over-doing it'

My other friends including my boyfriend do just as much as a daily load as I do, if not more, so i measure it with that, and they don't have their 'procrastinating/hibernating periods' which is why im questioning myself.

Any thoughts would be useful?

[Caretaker Leo]

To some extent, it sounds as though you might be Bi-Polar. The best thing you can do for yourself is to see a doctor and talk about what is going on. He/she can set up assessment tests. From there, choices can be made about counseling, meds, etc.

Best wishes to you!

[dazeofdolphins]

Try not to get diagnoses from people other than professionals. A lot of stuff can look like depression (or some form of it) or bipolar disorder. Even though I have both, plus I am a trained clinician, I still don't know you and would be uncomfortable labeling you for life. Seriously, meet with a therapist several times and consult with a pdoc. Be careful though, as some pdocs make blanket diagnoses in 15 minutes. You deserve to let a therapist get to know you over a period of time before such a decision is made. I'd it turns out tou have a diagnosis, then meds and therapy can help. If you don't have a diagnosis therapy can still be a great resource. I don't know where you are from. Your word choices place you in the U.K. but I could be wrong. If you live outside the U,S,, then the help you receive make look slightly different than what I personally know about. I do know that A's far as MI is concerned, they are behind the States and Canade in terms of resources. Do your homework carefully to find the best professional for your situation. You don't want to be labeled unnecessarily but you also want the right help. Goodluck and kudos for even exploring your thoughts
dazeofdolphins

[Callmebj]

Hi Stacey, You certainly hit on what I go through. I have a bit of a problem with motivation very often. As you say, you may be burning up your energy and then crashing for awhile. That's understandable and what is happening with younger people these days; I don't know how they keep up. My son and wife; both works and has huge extras to do almost everyday. If you take a day from the rush, rush now and then, I see nothing wrong with that. Isolation and removing ourselves from the
maddening crowd is healthy on occasion. by the way, sounds like you have made long strides in accomplishing in your life; congrats on that. Since you are concerned about this, might make an appointment with a Psych Dr and see if the depression is still with you to some degree. Knowing what is going on is a big release...and knowing it can be treated if indeed there is a problem.
all the best to you, bj

[Kymaro]

Sometimes, when we set such high goals and expectations on other people and things are not accomplished it can cause a crash. More of a disappointment per say. Be careful and not set your goals and expectations so high that its impossible to fullfill them. Working from home is one of the worse part of any form of depression, nothing to force you to get up, shower, dressed...etc. Even when working from home you need to go through the rotation of "going to work" get up and shower, dressed maybe run to the store to get out and "start your day" Set your self a lunch time and soforth. I ran into this problem of "getting run down" while doing classes on line. I found it helps to "pretend" I have to go to class and get myself going. Hope this little advise helps.

[notsomuch]

But I'm noticing a pattern, whereby I am one period, on top of the world, feel like I can achieve anything I want to, come up with challenges and goals all the time. Feel completely self assured. I get irritable with other peoples weaknesses. Why cant they just see or do things properly? its so easy.

Then Its like I crash and burn. I can't bring myself to do anything. Not particularly down in the dumps or sad. Just lifeless, lacking motivation. Theres nothing. eating and moving only if necessary. And hibernate avoiding social situations. I get annoyed with myself, because i'm wasting a day or eating rubbish because its easy. Its a realy drag trying to get anything done.

Hi Stacey,

This resonates with me. I go through long periods of invincible spirit, limitless energy and a healthy insulation from all that is unhealthy in the world. I become short sighted of others struggles and can lose my compassion at times.

And then, with little warning, all things change. The center of the world shifts and I am tumbling without balance trying to regain an equilibrium. Sometimes, such as now, I actively created the circumstances which are so unpleasant... sometimes I just stumble into a vortex. Each time, I struggle with diagnosing the errors in my navigational compass. But then, when I compare my navigational skills with those of others, mine don't look all that different. So what is truth here?

I am reading "The Mindful Way Through Depression" and it speaks of a "mode of mind" that is enabled by certain kind of life events. This mode replays a set of moods and feelings that have a genesis in a low sense of self-worth episode that occurred at some point in our life. This script is an internal threat. Our bodies respond to internal threats with the same mechanisms that external threats engender. However, we can't sprint fast enough or far enough to avoid internal threats. Eventually we are ground down by the tension, sense of defeat and failures of these responses.

I see truth in these concepts and have just begun working with the techniques to redirect this internal scripting. I can only say now that the meditative practices are calming and I have had some new insights into these world shifts. I am trying to keep an open mind for now.

This response was long and still brief on content, so I apologise for both. I wish you well and welcome additional discussion if you are so inclined. Best to you... notsomuch