I hate being this way

Oh wow, I am not doing so good. I'm just pathetic, I'm crying and I have no reason to feel this way! There is no reason for me to feel like this; I think I have a relatively good life, and I read other people's stories and it's like everyone else has a reason. I have no excuse, and I hate myself for being so whiny and pathetic. I always pray for something to happen to change things, but I know nothing is going to happen, and for some reason I can't change things myself. I just want to sit out the rest of my life in a corner, away from everything. I feel so selfish and stupid. I feel bad about typing this because it feels like I'm wasting everyone else's time. I don't know why I put on a happy face for everyone else, I wish I could stop so people would know, but I have no reason, and so people will just think I'm being dramatic. Idk, maybe I am. But I hope not. I really, really hope not. I feel like I'm losing my mind

Hello & Welcome, Dizzy man!
Shingles, nerve damage, chronic pain AND depression (which itself needs no reason) -- I'd be screaming. Actually, I do scream just about every day, but that's another story.
Many with depression need assistance. Your situation, with chronic pain in the mix, almost demands assistance. Getting help is not selfishness.
Your safety, health, and sanity are far more important than what people think.

True, when you're depressed it is difficult to seek help. I wish you the strength to do so.

Please keep posting, Dizzy man. You are not wasting our time.

Thank you so much Rohag, I really needed that. Unfortunately, about 15 minutes ago I found out that my dad is addicted to cocaine, right when I was going to come around and finally ask them to get me therapy or counciling or whatever. Haha, perfect timing, right? I didn't say anything. I don't feel so good right now.

I can not tell you how much it helps me to see this post; it really, truly helps.

I am sorry for bad things happening in your life but bad things happen to all of us. You need to change your life and it is in your hands otherwise you will always suffer.

It may be a good thing that your father has revealed his addiction. I am sure a lot of your issues arose from his substance abuse in ways you were not aware of so yes of course THAT is your "reason."

Focus on protecting and taking care of yourself first...you deserve good things

All the best

Thank you feary, but my dad actually didn't reveal his condition. I overheard a sketchy phone conversation, then I checked his drawers in his dresser and in the top one there were a bunch of empty bags with some white powder on them and a bunch of cut off drinking straws

so do not keep it inside, talk with your family about it

You say you have no reason but yes, you do. We all have a reason why we do the things we do, and feel the things we feel. There are many things that have affected your mind into thinking this way. Sure you might say you have a relatively good life, and I always say it could always be worse than it is, but you still feel the way you do for a reason.