[doggiedo]

I feel like a grumpy pants today. I have been struggling a little, but I don't think (or at least I hope) that I'm falling back into a depression. I've been off my meds completely for a month now, for the first time in 6 years.

I'm finding that I sleep better and I feel like I am "feeling" more feelings, like anger, frustration, etc. It's an interesting experience.

However, this morning I woke up with a back ache and am feeling generally down. Some of my days have been good, some have been a little down (but not horrible or intollerable). Some days I am very productive at work, and then there are other days, like today, where it was hard to even make it to work. I know I won't get much done. I'm looking forward to going home. Tonight I told my b/f I would go to his place (over an hour away) for his newphew's b-day party. I don't want to go. I don't want to make the drive. I jsut want to spend some quality time watching t.v.

I have been working late a lot this week, and running errands, so I have not had much down time. I am realizing that I need a signficant amount of time for to be by myself and to just veg out. It's a difficult balance.

I also have been feeling like my self esteem is slipping - I feel horrible about the way I look (which is fine, and normal to other people, so I'm told). I dream of having my eating disorder back. I miss being skinny, terribly. Last night I even dreamt I was back in a treatment facility for my eating disorder. It's sick, I know. I just hate the way I look and am not happy with myself at all. My b/f mentioned that he has seen an increase in me mentioning eating disordered-related thougths. "I wish," I said to myself.

Having had a signifcant history with depression, I am constantly thinking...."am I falling back in"? How do you all deal with the scare of falling back into that place? How do you know if you are slipping, since each episode can be completely different.

[Perna]

Have you been in therapy at all? Sounds like you need a sounding board and some support, especially if you are not going to take meds and are trying to grumpy pants it alone

[Lightrail11]

Sounds like you are very self aware, which is so important. If the grumpy feelings have just come on in that last few days or this week it could be just physical exhaustion from the long work hours and errands. I mean we all have good days and bad days. So if the bad days turn into most or every day, or the grumpy feelings continue and/or get worse I'd suggest seeing your doctor or therapist again.

i find a lot of it has to do with time of year..it's almost spring...almost warm but not quite...close...once it gets warm i'll be happy..but until then it's easy for me to be cranky...& for some reason march is the worst. jan & fed i know it's going to be cold & crappy out..but march just teases you...which makes me mad...

i feel the worst in march (plus st pats day is a huge trigger for me)

[doggiedo]

Perna - you are cute- "Don't go grumpy pantsying it alone".lol

Yea I feel a little better - rested. I slept about 14 hours last night and then fell asleep again later watching tv (for another hour).

THanks for your responses guys. Stumpy - Why is St. Pattie's Day so tough for you? GOod point about the weather. It was 60 degrees here on Thurs - and today it's about 30degrees. Such a tease, you are right...

[pegasus]

It's ok to be a grumpy pants! It would be more worrying if you were stuffing the grumpiness, as stuffing anger can lead to depression. So grump away!

[lizardlady]

Doggie, I'm a bit late coming to this discuswsion, but what you were feeling sounded like fatigue to me. Long hours at work = tired = grumpy.

I struggle with the same sort of fear. I get tired and stressed from working long hours and worry that my feelings are depression coming back. It helps me to check in with myself by getting some sleep and doing something foe myself. If the feelings persist after I get some rest and de-stress I check in with my pdoc.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by pegasus

It's ok to be a grumpy pants! It would be more worrying if you were stuffing the grumpiness, as stuffing anger can lead to depression. So grump away!