[FireBird]

I have been depressed for awhile now but its getting worse. It is because God is laughing at me right now. The world is perfectly fine. At least I have friends but they are crazy like me. I don't like the phone ringing. It hurts my ears.

I am hopeless about my so called future since I have none. It is a good chance that my brother will be moving away forever and I will have no one to annoy me and my brother is huggable so I like hugging him. I love my cute bird at home who sits there looking cute. My hair and face itches and crawls with bugs and snakes. Sometimes it keeps me up at night.

The Government and aliens along with even demons and other creatures are talking to me in my thoughts. They make me insane. Even though I am perfectly sane. My computer is on and I love it. Sad to say my monitor has problems. Sometimes I don't wear my glasses inside the house but I always wear them outside.

I got in a minor car accident today. I might have minor whiplash. Driving is the most dangerous thing in the world. Nearly everyone gets in car accidents in their life. My mom has been in one that nearly killed her, my dad has been in one, I have been in 2 that I really felt and others that are pointless.

My life is pointless but I am not suicidal. The thing is a year from now I might be. Right now my dad makes a good salary. Once he retires and he wants to next year we will have our house taken away and never to look forward to things again. Everything's great in the world. Did you know that in the future that the Dow is going to hit 14,000? I am a powerful psychic (the power of influence) that has done some horrible things in my life. I have destroyed many lives including those of aliens from outer space. I know that sounds weird. I am autistic. When I was younger I used to scream a lot. My art is not making any money and my art teacher told me that if you are going to be an artist you would be a starving artist on the streets. I have no future. I am sitting here and crying on and off but sometimes i can't cry.

My sleep has been on of 2 extremes but mom is real to the extreme but my sleep is either no sleep at all (or very little) to sleeping all day long. If I have things in the afternoon then I will sleep between 12-14 hours or if there is nothing I might sleep 18+ hours.

My mom has carpal tunnel and something wrong with her knee and both require surgery and when she has had surgery in the past they get infected and she comes close to death. Real to the extreme for her. Everything is in my head. Its empty in my head.

I have panic attacks several times a day as well. When things get even more extreme, I even get conversion disorder seizures. My anxiety is off the charts. I like massages. They are relaxing. My memory is bad right now so I am probably forgetting things. its also hard to concentrate.

[shezbut]

(((FireBird)))

I'm sorry that you're having a tough time right now.

I've struggled with panic attacks before. It takes strength and perserverance (sp?) to beat those suckers. Unfortunately, panic attacks are triggers for seizures. I battled my panic attacks for a couple of years before my seizures were recognized and began treatment. Magically, the treatment made my panic disorder disappear! Complex partial seizures are known to negatively affect our memory. The area that the seizures occur in is the area in charge of our memories being stored (the hippocampus), which is why those with complex partial seizures suffer memory disorders.

I'm sorry that your art teacher was so insensitive! The best advice that I could give on that issue is to simply enjoy the artwork that you produce. Simply enjoying the process is what's important. Keep producing what you enjoy doing. Your enjoyment is what matters.

[FireBird]

I have had an EEG for the seizures and its just in my head. Not real seizures and that is what conversion disorder is. My art teacher is nice but she goes to this cult that has weird beliefs. She believes when I hallucinate I am seeing into different dimensions. I have talked to many people that say that artists starve to death. That is while the economy is perfectly strong. That is with the arm movement. When I am not depressed I like to draw and as I call it "starve." That is what I call art is starve because of the term starving artist. There are many cows out here. That is the main sound you here in the year 1812. We are 200 years behind the cities. In 2012 you don't see cows and horses used as transportation. Moo. I love my brother. Thank you for responding.