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#1
Dec 03, 2003, 10:07 PM
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It's been 5 months since I last worked. 5 months of relaxation to the brain. no drugs, no meds,no doctors. now with the holidays I find my mind racing,along with my heart. I moved back home less then a week ago, "boy", it reminds me of why I moved out at 19. I love my family but they drive me ~crazy~ and understand nothing of my sickness PTSD ( old school spanish mother). I've applied to a couple of jobs. but, no call backs. God, how economy has changed. low wages with hardley any perks. being in the car industrie as a sales consultant really had a toll on me within the 5 years I was in it. but it deffinitly had it's perks and benifits. I know I can go back and have a car right away and benifts and money. but the down fall is my sanity. with all the politics and BS. the stress and long hours, the haggeling and extensive product knowledge. right now I want to go back for the money. I haven't had an Anxiety attack in almost four months. I feel the heavy pain lying in my chest just thinking about it at this moment. I want to go back to school but I'm stuck right now untill march b/c that's when I'll be able to take my GED.right now just studying for it. I feel like such a LOSER w/ no money, no nothing, except a good heart a outstanding boyfriend who's very unnafectionate but loves me dearly and a roof over my head with a great family. I know that there are sacrifises I must make in life to succeed to my highest mountain. but at this moment I feel lost. Lost for words, lost for feelings, lost for time. I feel like life is just passing me by. I have so many thoughts so many Ideas. but, always procrastinating and giving everyone else such good advice. Tell me guys do you think it's worth it for me to go back to selling cars & lose my sanity and dignity & another couple of yrs of my life doing something I'm good at but truely hate...???
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Your friend Duchess~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ABOUT THE NINTH HOUR JESUS CRIED OUT IN A LOAD VOICE, "ELOI,ELOI, LAMA SABACHTHANI?"~WHICH MEANS~"MY GOD, MY GOD,WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?" ~MATTHEW27:46. MY GOD,MY GOD WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?WHY ARE YOU SO FAR FROM SAVING ME,SO FAR FROM THE WORDS OF MY GROANING?~ PSALM 22:1
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When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth & love have always won. there have been tyrants & murderers, and for a time they can be invincible, but in the end they always fall.think of it... always. Mohandas Gandhi... |
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#2
Dec 04, 2003, 12:48 AM
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Hi Duchess,
I hear you loud and clear about working at a job that you hate but feel as though there is no option if you want to support yourself and be independent. Is there anything else you are interested in doing? Once you get your GED is there a career that you've always considered but needed the schooling? Maybe you could find something at a trade school or community college where it wouldn't take 4 years full time to complete, but maybe 1 or 2 years full or part time? That way you'd be working at the job that you hate but with a goal in mind! To eventually be able to leave it behind for a new job making the same income as you can there, but with less stress? It would be much easier to tolerate the sales position if you knew it was temporary, just until you saved up enough money to go to school. Also, you could look into financial aid or student loans to help you achieve the goal. Just some thoughts.......................... pebs  <font color=purple> The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated--Gandhi Sometimes I lie awake at night in bed and I ask, "Is it all worth it?" And then a voice says, "Who are you talking to?" And another voice says, "You mean, ' To whom are you talking?'" And I say, "No wonder I lie awake at night."--Charlie Brown </font color=purple>
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The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated--Gandhi |
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#3
Dec 04, 2003, 07:34 AM
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Hay Pebblypoo,
There are so many things I want to do, Audio Engeeniering is 1 on my list. I was considering waitresing for the moment. it just seems so degrating. but like I said I know there are sacrifices, but, am I willing to take them in order to better myself. thanxs for responding to my post keep in touch & take care. ABOUT THE NINTH HOUR JESUS CRIED OUT IN A LOAD VOICE, "ELOI,ELOI, LAMA SABACHTHANI?"~WHICH MEANS~"MY GOD, MY GOD,WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?" ~MATTHEW27:46. MY GOD,MY GOD WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?WHY ARE YOU SO FAR FROM SAVING ME,SO FAR FROM THE WORDS OF MY GROANING?~ PSALM 22:1
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When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth & love have always won. there have been tyrants & murderers, and for a time they can be invincible, but in the end they always fall.think of it... always. Mohandas Gandhi... |
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#4
Dec 04, 2003, 01:05 PM
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Hi Duchess, I have been reading on this forum anfd now after a few weeks have the courage to offer my opinion.I know where your coming from. I split from my boyfriend about 5months ago a\nd have moved back to my parents.Waiting to see a therapist has been a nightmare but now I have one.Whilst with my boyfriend I had identity issues, downers and panic attacks, in the end I thought we were the problem but I now know this is not true. I still have these and wonder will I ever be stable. I thought I would get into college and teach kids but then I realised I couldn't do it, now I just work p/t, thankfully I have my family to sa
tay with and although I find this frustrating sometimes I have time to work things out.I'd say don't rush into anything or put pressure on yourself especially as your sanity is under fire. OMG I am saying this as much to me as you.Finish your studying feel good about achieving it and see what doors open next year.Why go back to something you already know is notgood for you? "time heals" tc Mary Jane |
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#5
Dec 04, 2003, 06:16 PM
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Hi (((Duchess)))
I agree that you shouldn't rush back into something that causes you to be stressed. Take this opportunity to get started with your education! There isn't anything wrong with waitressing, either. I think that you should do what is good for you right now. You deserve better than what you have been going through. Take care  inthedark
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#6
Dec 06, 2003, 02:32 PM
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Oh Maryjane,
thank you for your heart 2 heart words. I truely appreciate them. I hope you will open up a little more when you get a little more comfortable. I'v decided that going back is such an easy move. my sanity and peace means the world to me right now. hope to hear from you soon thanx so much...... Thanx to all of you your words are true ... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~your friend Duchess~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ABOUT THE NINTH HOUR JESUS CRIED OUT IN A LOAD VOICE, "ELOI,ELOI, LAMA SABACHTHANI?"~WHICH MEANS~"MY GOD, MY GOD,WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?" ~MATTHEW27:46. MY GOD,MY GOD WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?WHY ARE YOU SO FAR FROM SAVING ME,SO FAR FROM THE WORDS OF MY GROANING?~ PSALM 22:1
__________________
When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth & love have always won. there have been tyrants & murderers, and for a time they can be invincible, but in the end they always fall.think of it... always. Mohandas Gandhi... |
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