[carrie-19]

coming to the realization that i'm so utterly drawn to self sabotage/destruction and harming myself.
i purposefully do things knowing the result will be bad. self harm, od on pills and alcohol, starving myself, let myself go into depressions, letting people..do things to me.
my self worth = 0.

i don't know why i do. i can't help it. this is literally my whole reason for everything condensed, just completely and utterly self destructive. i always have been since as long as i can remember. i think thats why therapy doesnt really work for me a lot of the time, because part of me is always drawn to self destruction and i don't know how to change it.
i hate my body because of it, i've ruined it. scars everywhere, inside and out.
i don't know if i've ever felt as out of control..

[dailyhealing]

I'm so sorry you are suffering so much. Whatever it is that causes you to be self destructive, I hope you are able to work through some of that. I always believe that healing is possible, and that things can improve. I hope you will keep fighting through this, don't give up!

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by carrie-19

...part of me is always drawn to self destruction and i don't know how to change it.

You may not be able to deal with the self-destructive urges directly. You may have to gradually crowd out those urges with healthy things.

Did you ever find another pdoc or professional with whom you could work comfortably?

[carrie-19]

unfortunately no. i think it may (definitely) be my problem and not their fault at all. at this point i'm not sure if therapy is even going to be helpful.