[Twisted_Soul]

I was totally out of my mind 2 Fridays ago.
I had difficulty staying safe. I wasn't listening to my T.
I really was way out of control.
I called my pdoc and got into an argument with the idiot secretary.
Now, I am not sure if I can go back to that doctor.
I said things that clearly were not coming from a stable mind.
My T was yelling @ me for calling the pdoc and saying the things I said. I never heard her say the things she was saying to try and level me out or keep my safe.
It all sounded negative and seemed to be confirming the loser piece of sh*it I am.
2 weeks later I still have no clue as to whether I have a doc to get meds and I am running low. T has been trying to get in touch w/ pdoc but says they have been playing phone tag.
In my BPD head that tells me I have been abandoned by a professional who cannot handle my insane borderline life.
I have been up since 3:30am this morning. Cannot sleep.
Cannot concentrate on good things.
In rebellion last night I did things that , again, were stupid and harmful.
What is wrong with me>?
Should I just institionalize myself for the rest of my natural life to be sure I don't take my life in my own hands and don't bother anyone anymore?

[pegasus]

The professionals are more understanding than you realise. They are used to people throwing a wobbly!

Can you ring the secretary and apologise to her?

Don't be so hard on yourself.