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#1
Apr 23, 2012, 12:46 AM
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...yes indeed!, my sneaky bed did set a trap for me and lay in wait...along came I and was captured...lured by the pillows and the blankets and the blackness I can get even with my eyes open.
my bed has taken me hostage before... is this the beginnings of another sleepy wrestle with depression, or am I just really tired lately? ...I hope I'm just really tired... 
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 aurill50
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 lynn P., Shadow-world, Suki22
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#2
Apr 23, 2012, 07:05 AM
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TeeHee -- Methinks you're tired. LOL However, if you find yourself STRAPPED to this same bed, we won't be sure, will we?? 
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#3
Apr 23, 2012, 08:26 AM
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You have a great way to express yourself.
I too have the sneaky bed syndrome! SBS. But with me it is really the sneaky couch syndrome, SCS. I work at it all the time to really push myself syndrome, RPMS. Some days it works, others not so much, NSMS. BTW, on the days I break out of the SCS, I feel really good about the day. RGATDS. Hope you find your way to RGATDS from your SBS.
__________________
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| CastlesInTheAir, Shadow-world, Suki22
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#4
Apr 23, 2012, 01:47 PM
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Quote:
Oh honey ... look at the big picture, and see all you've done in the last three months. You quit drinking. You're not using anymore. You're not using anything to cope with life and your very-active mind. WOW! I've been reading and reading and reading about the side effects of quitting drinking/using (cause I'm a dork). From what I've read, most people who get past the physical withdrawals (which I don't think you had  ) go into a honeymoon or motivation period that is sometimes followed by depression with the reality setting in that the old crutch to deal with life is not there anymore. You've said it before in the past - alcohol was like your friend. It's gone, and your old ways of coping are gone. Everything I've read says that irritability and depression are side effects of quitting. I mean, if you really think about your brain and the ways you used to feed it dopamine or yummy happy receptors (through using), wouldn't it make sense then that you'd be mighty tired - and depressed - with your brain doing all this work all by itself now? Add to that the fact that you've put yourself back in school, you've been working hard, doing service work, and working working ... and voile! A very tired boy and a possibly depressed recovering addict. The key word there is recovering. You are recovering and you will recover, and I imagine that the tiredness and depression are all a part of that. 
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| Anonymous32912
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#5
Apr 24, 2012, 01:58 AM
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...elsewhere!...is there such a place?
I am tuned into the hope for it...always looking for a way out. I went everywhere I have ever been I arrived everywhere I ever was I felt everything there was to feel everwhere I was and went... and went back and found again and left. I never ever!....never ever left anything behind...anywhere I ever went! I felt it all. always wondering just quietly what to do with all this STUFF?...these feelings? oops! I took em' all with me didn't I?....yes I did "now did you know what to do with all this stuff mate?" ....."no I did not" "please forgive me...don't make me suffer...please don't!" |
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#6
Apr 24, 2012, 05:33 PM
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Quote:
Sometimes - too often - a snippet of some memory flashes and I scream. Just as suddenly reflex or the meds obscure the emotion and I'm back to empty, silent. ***sigh***
__________________
My dog  mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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| Anonymous32912
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#7
Apr 24, 2012, 09:06 PM
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Sorry I gave you such a flip reply D. Monkey and inserted myself into your thread the way I did.
After reading the post from summeryoga, you need to let your bed capture you. You are doing a great job of living.    Keep up all your good work of living the best life you can live.
__________________
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| Anonymous32912
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#8
Apr 24, 2012, 09:45 PM
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thank you for the laugh. we need a little levity here.
__________________
yes, I'm in therapy (DBT).
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| Anonymous32912, Beholden
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| Beholden, Shadow-world
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#9
Apr 25, 2012, 07:27 AM
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you are all more than welcome..!
please forgive my tardiness....I am under self administered forum control and cannot reply as regularly as I wish to. my sneaky bed continues to organise my life at the moment according to what it wants... who could have known the curious needs of the manchester? the sheets and the glorious woven items of comfort....some from ducks!...in the shape of pillows which I cling to like they are saving my life and I can admit that yes they are and I love my bed nitey nite is my favoutrite time forever and ever and it might cause me some supernatural stress when asleep but it's always gonna let me try again! I love my bed...I love beddie byes I am a big kid... a baby and that is fine nite nite lovely depressed buddies sleepy monkey x |
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#10
Apr 25, 2012, 07:31 AM
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...I can see why you all love them!
I do not have a pet but my neighbour has a kitten and she...(the kitten)...has decided to LIKE... me and after a few days the same kitten, which appears to be growing already ... has decided to love me and it never even considered what an idiot I am. PETS are very special yep I put a couple drips of maple syrup in some milk and it seems to like that yep |
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#11
Apr 25, 2012, 08:43 AM
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.....I'm saying straight up that it's a lie!
a well meaning lie just to get me by a kill meaning of everything to hide my cry a mad something to pass the need to deny! I say I'm ok...because I guess I am... I am ashamed at just how much I am not ok...this ...this this makes me even less ok! so how can I go through the maddening equivalency of more nutso by pretending? it's time to confess...and put aside all the terrible pressures that the hyperhappy have inflicted on me the jerks...it's not their fault if only they knew and they do at the end when it all happens so quickly the finality and cessation of joy! ...and how twisted grateful I am that I already know what they are going through!.. this inordinate suffering...what the hell? can I establish a formula to survive incredible? so what do I mean when I say I am ok?... most depressed people I meet say the same thing.....they never say "I'm great!" full...on! not a chance ..these people like me have seen the dark side and know it's limitless and colours are banished where we spend the day. .......so I am here to tell you ...I am ok |
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#12
Apr 25, 2012, 12:13 PM
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  , oh, and 
__________________
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| Anonymous32912
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#13
Apr 25, 2012, 12:18 PM
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Quote:
 
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#14
Apr 25, 2012, 12:20 PM
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Quote:
awesome clever
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#15
Apr 25, 2012, 03:13 PM
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so kind...awesome....happy.. awesome...thankyou
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#16
Apr 26, 2012, 06:58 AM
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Good Explanation!!!
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| Anonymous32912
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#17
Apr 26, 2012, 07:16 AM
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And I was going to post something about how tired I am of pretending all the time, and how stupid it is for a counselor to say "fake it 'til you make it." I've been faking it my whole life, so when the the "make it" part kick in?
DoubbleMonkey, you spot on nailed it. Thanks!
__________________
"We will survive" |
| Anonymous32912, Anonymous33145
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#18
Apr 26, 2012, 07:40 AM
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...no problem...I wish I didn't know what I know
and...I expect you are the same |
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#19
Apr 26, 2012, 07:46 AM
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.....how bout' that!?
I know there are things inside me I don't deal with... I am not strong enough!! I never was... it's not my fault....I manage lots of stuff but I fall apart in my silence I don't know how to talk about how sad I am....so I move on and find somewhere else this apathy seems to work and also I consume alcohol to make it all better and it works for a bit... is everything my fault?.... surely not......parts of me don't work out like I want them to.... it's best I just let them do their thing with me and then maybe I will understand them better
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#20
Apr 26, 2012, 08:17 AM
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...yeah...for sure..this nasty person....who needs enemies when I got me?
I hate me but I love to hate me... so there is something terribly wrong with me and my sneaky bed will save me!! I love that I can hide and it's my choice and all things drift into the madness place where they belong!! sadnesssssssss!! FULL ON!! it's too much! can I get by anyway... http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x21...-me-down_music here is some seventies music...back when life was real! I am loving this tune right now....thats gotta be good right? ...or am I a maniac?.....yes indeed it's the only thing to do with the dude in the mirror! to say it's ok! |
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#21
Apr 26, 2012, 08:32 AM
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im not ok! do i look ok! but just to please you I'm OK
__________________
Why can't life be normal
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| Anonymous32912
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#22
Apr 26, 2012, 11:08 AM
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Quote:
and it goes on...drifting and painful |
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#23
Apr 26, 2012, 11:24 AM
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instead of "i'm ok" i say "it's good to be seen". sometimes that's the best i can say.
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
| Anonymous32912
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| MotherMarcus
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#24
Apr 26, 2012, 11:33 AM
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what we may see in the mirror
Quote:
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
| Anonymous32912
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#25
Apr 26, 2012, 04:24 PM
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I hope your just really tired. Cause I know how hard it is to break away from that kind of state. Recently I took up meditation. Kinda takes the place of that were I just relax and let my imagination fly! |
| Anonymous32912
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