[Sadness2011]

Hi everybody,

I'm slowly getting over my initial devastation of being cruelly and disrespectfully rejected by my old high school boyfriend(see previous posts in relationships and coping with emotions forums). I still think about him every day, but I don't cry over it anymore, and on the couple of occasions that he has tried to reach out, I've been the bigger person and replied with a simple "thanks". However, I think this instance was just the trigger for another depressive episode, because for awhile now, I've just been up and down and okay then not okay, etc. I went to my close friend's daughter's baby shower last friday, and it was held at my old place of employment. I used to work there with her and a couple of my other good friends. As I entered, she greeted me with a big hug as we always do, and both of the other girls I mentioned hugged me as well, but that was the extent of the interaction for the whole party. It felt like I was on the outside looking in on what used to be "my group of girls", and I left the party crying the whole way home. I should say that It is completely expected that she would not be able to spend a great deal of time with just me catching up, etc. because she was throwing a party. I just felt very out of place for some reason, like I was just another guest at the party. Perhaps it's just me being overreactive and insecure but I hate feeling so up and down like this. If I'm not at work, I'm just "existing". I have little to no interest in doing anything but sleeping. or being alone. I am also on psych meds for depression and ADD but even they don't appear to help for very long from day to day. Anyone else experience these wacky emotional ups and downs? Am I losing it?

[Pink Mist]

You aren't losing. Many people feel life is without purpose. Your purpose just hasn't been revealed to you yet. Give it time. You aren't just "existing." Someone is out there waiting for you just like you are waiting for them! As for the social interaction, My input, if it is ok to say, would be to try and make yourself more involved. It is great that you are starting to get over the loss. But it might still be affecting you as in you are afraid to open up to people again. Open a little but don't wear your heart on your sleeve. Life rolls on and it is hard to see others around you happy while you aren't. I know. I wish you the best of luck and I sincerely hope you start feeling better.

[MissBunny]

I feel your pain, Sadness2011. I am also going through seeing my former best friends from high school reunite. Mostly it's on Facebook (I loathe that site now :/) and they don't talk to me at all despite my replies on their posts. It's real pain for us and I am just happy you went to the party. Were there others that you knew or felt comfortable around? Sometimes other people can be a distraction from thinking about the past and the fact that your friends and former boyfriend aren't with you. For me, running especially helps. It "exercises" your thoughts and you end up more physically tired and mentally tired. Another thing that might help moving forward from those people, which is what I think you should do in this situation, is focusing on a hobby after work or school or try to do something like a ritual everyday (Sudoku, cooking a new recipe, cleaning a part of your house, going on a long walk, practicing yoga, ...).

So if you've tried things to reconnect, don't linger in this sadness anymore. Drift off into a new world where you can be healthy and happy. I might have those medicines checked out again if I were you, especially if you have been on it over five months.

[Suki22]

what you described about the party, I totally get it. sometimes I go somewhere, "putting myself out there" and wind up feeling alone. and an outsider. and like I'm there but it's almost out of body experience because I don't feel like I'm there. and I cry on the way home.

is there any way you can meet up with your friend and catch up? that may make you feel a little better.

you hit the nail on the head with the "if I'm not at work, I'm just existing" too. I know how you feel and it's funny how I don't know that's what I'm feeling until someone else puts the words together. thank YOU, Sadness, for doing that for me.

you're not alone and even if you feel like you're losing it, you're not. you're very sensitive and that's an asset. it may not feel like it but it's an admirable quality. hang in there. xoxo

[Fuzzybear]