[yellowrose]

Hi,
I am fairly new here. I have read many of the posts and I am amazed at the strenght and support of the group. So many of you write of similar thinking and experiences with your depression. I can make a connection.
I have been suffering from depression since 1995 (but probably most of my life since I have dysthymia). I had a major depression in 1995 that got me on a roll with therapy and medication. Since then I still have my ups and downs. I have been on several different SSRI's. When one stops being effective I try a new one, but lately the last 2 have not been that great. I will discuss another option with the MD at my next appt.
I am 36 years old, married 14 years, and have 2 boys ages 7 and 10. My 10 yr old has ADHD. He was successfully being treated with medication until his recent development of gagging on the pills. Now he is not taking any. This has exacerbated by symptoms. His behavior is a major stressor and I have difficulty managing him. When he acts up my younger one does too. This makes for total chaos.
My husband works out of town during the week and is home on the weekends. I am looking forward to his presence today and for the weekend. It does help the kids to settle some.
I am not enjoying the holiday season at all. I can't stand the "hustle and bustle" or the shopping, etc. My husband is all excited to get a tree this weekend, but I am not. The boys will probably destroy it during the week, it will just be another focal point for them to freak out on. I hope he changes his mind.
Well, that's about it for now. Thanks to those that replied to my posts in other's posts. HUGS to all.
Yellowrose

[heatherm]

Hello {{{{{{Yellowrose}}}}}}} and welcome.

You took a huge step reaching out here to us and you should be proud of yourself. We are all in this together and will be an ear and a shoulder for you.

I am 36 as well with 2 boys...an 8 year old and a 2 year old. Do you see a therapist to help you learn coping skills for dealing with your stresses? Maybe your doctor can refer you to someone. It helps so much to be able to talk about it.

Keep posting and take care of yourself.


Heather

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life - it goes on."
~~Robert Frost

[forgoten]

Hi yellowrose

and welcome! Hollidays affect a lot of people, with the stresses and everything going on. It sure doesn't help depression.

I'm glad you are here. Maybe it will help you to know some people care how you feel and you can talk about it. We understand so keep posting sweety.

Take good care!
forgoten

[kvinneakt]

You said you can't stand the hustle and bustle. Me, too. I despise it! What a scam the "establishment" has spawned in order to sell millions of nearly useless products that no one seems to need or want the rest of the year. Many Christians, and others, have rebelled against Halloween, I wonder why there has been no similar protest of "Xmas". (Xmas, not Christmas, because my guess is Jesus would be aghast at what has been done in his name.)

Xmas climaxes with the big gift opening ceremonies. We do it "for the children" who are insanely happy with the shower of gifts. That is happy from the time they begin to understand about age 4 until the time they figure out this is the annual opportunity to strong arm parents into spending money they often can't afford, about age 10.

What's left after that? A few teenage years of unabashed greed, then a lifetime of seasonal longing for the return of the childhood glee. Then more years of foisting the whole mess on the next generation.

It is all such a complicated and snarled up mess. I wish I could call a complete end to it in my domain. I have mostly managed to halt the gaudy decor of crappy cheap trinkets and lights. We still exchange a few gifts, but not many. I would rather give things that are truly needed throughout the year.

Oh, dear. I am at work and the boss walked in. Time to stop the ranting and try to look "busy".

<font color=blue>[b] Wherever you go, there you are[b]<font color=blue>

[dexter]

Welcome here yellowrose. Hope you manage to keep this all under control, especially through this season. You seem to have a good understanding of your illness and its triggers and effects. While that in itself doesn't solve the problems presented with depression, it is a large step in the right direction.

Does your husband understand your illness and the ADHD that your son has? I've seen families where the spouse tries to be supportive but really doesn't understand. Some knowledge in that area can go a long way, if your husband is receptive to it. He may understand the stress of being alone with the kids all week, but he may think that your depression is just a "natural side effect" of that stress rather than realizing that it is a separate issue that greatly complicates dealing with things at home.

I agree that regular therapy can help you cope with these issues, especially during the holiday season. Maybe at some point your husband can join you at a session where the doctors can explain your illness to him and let him know what he can do to help.

A lot of assumptions in my ideas above, please excuse me if I am off base. But most importantly, try to take advantage of the knowledge, understanding and support that is available on this forum, and good luck and best wishes for getting through this holiday and maybe even hopefully having a chance to enjoy at least a little bit of it.

[dexter]

I've never had a problem in the past with the holiday season. I'm Jewish so I never view it as a religious event (I would have a hard time doing so as I agree with kvinneakt, what do pine trees, Santa, shopping, shopping, eating, North Pole, gifts, and shopping have to do with the events described in the bible?)

I've always enjoyed the season as a "standardized" time of year to see people and celebrate my friends and life. I've been fortunate not to have been effected by winter syndrome from the short days. I rather like the season, the decorations, the spirit, and even the gift-giving as long as it doesn't get out of hand.

I've always had a huge, fun New Year's Eve party with as many friends and aquaintences as I can fit into my home, and always try to have a small gathering before Christmas just with special friends for some conversation and amusement. Thanksgiving I usually spend on my own because I enjoy being on my own and that was my "day" to relax. Some years that was my day to donate some time to volunteer to help the less fortunate. Usually Christmas Day itself was also a loner day for me as my friends would spend the day with their families, but I would be happy that day setting up and decorating for New Year's.

With this depression everything is completely on its head. Last year I couldn't have a New Year's party because of my arthritis and also the growing depression. Because of the arthritis I couldn't get out to any other parties either. There is a huge difference between spending a holiday alone because you want that day to yourself, and spending it alone because you can't get anywhere and don't have anyone who can be with you.

I hate to admit this next part because it demonstrates a growing selfishness in me that I never considered a part of my personality.

I was ALWAYS very big on gift giving during the holidays. I just always liked giving at that time of year. Gifts were usually exchanged as a part of my New Year's party and I always made sure I had something for everyone there and some extra stuff for "drop ins" where people would bring people they knew at the last minute. My main gifts though were always well thought out and I was never very "religious" about the gift giving. By that I mean I would not make a list of people for whom I felt obligated to buy gifts. Rather I would shop throughout the year and when I would come across something that would be PERFECT for so-and-so I would pick it up for them. I of course had a short list of people that I had to get something for, but the rest of the gifts were always just things that I thought people would love and matched their personality. I also never felt pressured to get something for someone just because I knew I would be seeing them over the holiday season. That took a lot of the stress out of shopping and helped make the season enjoyable for me.

I never really cared about getting gifts myself. I always had to make my shopping philosophy clear so that people wouldn't feel obligated to give gifts to me in return. Truth be told I was always somewhat uncomfortable receiving gifts. I really enjoyed the holiday and the company and the connections to friends.

Of course last year I could not enjoy that connection because I was unable to see anyone. That left me very depressed through the holiday. But what was really shocking was that I ended up not getting any gifts from anyone! No gifts from family, from friends, not for Christmas, Hannukah, nor my birthday in January. I did get some gifts from some friends I've had throughout my life, and something that I really liked from a co-worker. That showed me that all the gifts I had gotten during previous years were just things that people felt obligated to get.

I hate to be this petty about getting gifts but the point is that everyone who says they love me so much couldn't even be bothered to think of me during the holiday. It isn't so much about the lack of gifts in itself but of how quick everyone has been to abandon me now that I'm not able to get out and around to see them. No calls from people, no cards, seemed like people barely even remembered me.

It is not that I think any particular people "owed" me a gift, that's not the way I think about life and especially that's not the way that I shop. But I would have thought that the law of averages would have had at least a few of the people I felt so close to would have found something that they thought appropriate if they were indeed "thinking of me" as much as they profess.

So this year is about a million times worse, because the depression is full blown, and the holiday "blues" set in very early for me. The bigger factor is that previously I was upset that no one was around when I was in trouble... but since being in the hospital I have specifically asked people for help and support and very very few have come through. So it is no longer a matter of being forgotten as much as now being avoided. The depression is so hard to deal with and I really feel like I am completely on my own. I've been getting out to support groups when I can but I'm here daily in my home alone, suffering, unable to get out and not able to get anyone to talk to or visit me. (I've been unable to go to work for several months now, and even my friends at work have completely cut off any contact for several weeks, not a peep out of a single one of them).

I don't know how I am going to survive this holiday! With regard to the gift thing I've got a big catch-22 going now. If no one remembers me again then of course it will reinforce my anger, but if people do show up I already feel that it will be because they know I've been hospitalized and that I am suffering this year. Who wants when you know they are only out of pity?

I know that the depression colors our thoughts and emotions. I really hate that I feel this petty about material things all of a sudden in my life. It makes me feel selfish and the antithesis of everything I was proud of with regard to my personality and "philosophy" of life. I try not to beat myself up over it because I hope it is just the depression effecting my personality and my view of the world.

Whew!

[krzyk101]

Welcome yellowrose,

Thanks so much for your intoduction. I wish you hope and strength over the hectic holiday season. I do not have any children, and I live alone. I'm 31 year old bachler with bipolar, and face depression alot. Having never had children I don't know too much about raising kids, but when I am at my Familys for the Holidays my nephews and nieces run amuck and pplay and I know with all the goings on it seems like caos. But I love them to pieces. You are a strong person to have 3 kids an battle depression, give yourself a pat on the back! Thanks for sharing with us.

Happy Holidays--Kris

KRZYKRIS

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!

[yellowrose]

Thanks for your words of encouragement, Heather. I will hang tough.
HUGS!
Yellowrose

[yellowrose]

kvinneakt,
I hear ya! It is just all over done and misses the point!
HUGS!
Yellowrose

[yellowrose]

Thanks forgoten!
HUGS!
Yellowrose

[Duchess]

Yellowrose "WELCOME"
I thought I had posted before,I donno what happened. you will find many of us here will have a beautiful and effective impact on you. this is a great crowd. I apologize for the cat fight you might of ran into along your trails. I hope you will find this forum as soathing and as pleasant as I have found it. I hope you will keep posting and wish you the best of luck.

Duchess*

When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth & love have always won. there have been tyrants & murderers, and for a time they can be invincible, but in the end they always fall.think of it... always. Mohandas Gandhi...

[geekgirl]

Welcome, Yellowrose.

I've gone the med route and counseling too. You really do have your hands full with your boys with your husband not home during the week. Makes me grateful to know that at least my ex was home during the week when my girls were small.

I've decided to boycott Christmas this year... I just couldn't handle the shopping, the decorating, whatnot with the depression and trying to cope with the big changes in my life this past year or two. I too can't enjoy the holidays this year.

Is there anyway you can get help while your husband is gone during the week? A relative or a friend who could come by and give you a break? I had four girls all close in age, and if I didn't get a break from caring for them when they were small--even though none of them had ADHD--I think I would have gone nuts. Three of them were in diapers at one time.

Sounds like you need a break. I'm not on the boards here very often and don't have much chance to post, but I'll try to keep up here if you want to PM or chat. I usually try to get notified by email of posts here. ((((hugs)))))