[kdclement]

My emotions are all over the place...thinking way too much, I'm sure. I tend to isolate which doesn't help either. I try to reach out but have had a hard time since I was very small. I learned to be an introvert in order to survive since my mother was bipolar and had grand mall seizures...I had to learn to take care of her from a very young age. In my 40's I'm struggling to move beyond it but recently have broken up from a 3 1/2 year relationship. I need to talk about it and haven't really had anyone to tell that isn't a part of it all and has an opinion from within my life.

I was struggling, feeling like I was trying to hold myself together working and having a relationship with someone 40 miles away and to top it all off she was very distant so it made me very sad. To her I was very co-dependent and way too needy. I had certain things I thought made up a relationship. I longed for someone to look deep into my eyes and say I love you. The passion just wasn't there. Before that relationship I was in a 12 year relationship that was pretty deep and intense.

I don't know what to do with myself now...I started to see someone but it went way too fast so we slowed it down but I need to take some time for me and I don't know myself or where to begin. I find myself sitting at home watching tv and being alone a lot.

Anyone else know this feeling?

[Rohag]

Hello, Kdclement!

Originally Posted by kdclement

I learned to be an introvert in order to survive...

Though I do not believe I am experiencing the same feelings as you, I can identify with that statement.

[Leed]

Hi ~ Is there any way you can get in to see a counselor? Sounds like you may need to talk to a therapist, at least for a FEW sessions. I think it would be good for you. Being an introvert, I imagine you have alot of things that you've kept hidden for many years -- and those things need to get out. The longer we keep certain things in, the sicker we get. By "sick" I mean more depressed.

I was like that as a youngster too -- I had no one to talk to either even tho I had 3 sisters. We didn't talk. Everything was kept "quiet." My parents were alcoholics, and that wasn't discussed by anyone. They fought all the time, and we were terrified. We never got beat but we never got acknowledged either.

I got into therapy as an adult, and I'm so glad I did! All kinds of things came out of me. LOL There were things that I'd even forgotten about that I suddenly remembered! It was SO freeing to get it all out -- to get RID of it all. It felt like the world had been lifted from my shoulders, like I'd been cleansed.

And I didn't know who *I* was either!! I didn't have a clue until I got into therapy. I finally found out -- and realized I wasn't the awful person I thought I was. LOL

Please try therapy. You won't regret it, and your emotions WILL go back to normal -- it might take a little while, but not long. You'll be glad you went. I wish you the very best. God bless & please take care. Hugs, Lee

[Sadness2011]

"I learned to be an introvert in order to survive since my mother was bipolar and had grand mall seizures..."

Wow, what a small world we live in. Your mother and mine sound like they could be related with the same above issues. I can relate to the need to isolate and keep to yourself, in my case it was to keep the peace and prevent her from freaking out and physically attacking me and my older brother. I agree with the above post suggesting therapy if you can. It helped me figure out alot of feelings and thought patterns that I didn't understand, like the need to just "shut up and don't make any waves", and my difficulties with trust and feeling like I can't be myself or let my guard down or else he/she will leave me. It's tough work and very painful at times, but it beats not knowing where any of it is coming from so you don't know how to change it or cope with it. Just know that you are definitely not alone and the support here isn't going anywhere. Please be kind to yourself and take good care. (((hugs)))

[kdclement]

Thank you very much for your responses. I am in therapy but as I go to therapy I'm confused as to how much help it is.