[bestofyou18]

I'm not sure whether I'm suffering with depression at the moment but I feel very low. I have just finished a degree recently, so I am back home with no job. The task of trying to find a job in a small town with little prospects is dampening, and moving away from my hometown is daunting, especially as I don't know what I want to do. At the moment I have no money so I can't really do anything either. I have put on a bit of weight over the past few months due to a lazy lifestyle at uni and feel lethargic. Because I feel so down I feel I can't motivate myself to become active again and live a healthier lifestyle, so I'm starting to feel unattractive. A lot of my friends at home are settling down in relationships with their own places whereas I'm not. I feel slightly bitter at them as last year I got no support when I was the only one in a relationship as my friends wanted me to go out constantly and criticized me if I ever did my own thing with my bf. It feels like now they're happy they are suddenly a lot more adult - a place I was at last year. I feel I am too old now to be going out drinking a lot - alcohol also makes me act promiscuously when I'm not normally that kind of person, which just makes me feel even more guilty and crap about myself, and also doesn't help if I'm seeking a long-term relationship. I just want a good job so that I can earn money and get my own place, a nice boyfriend and to live a healthier lifestyle...but it seems I keep sinking further away from this goal. Without any of these things I feel I don't have much to live for, except my family, who all have their own lives and worries. I used to be a very happy, bubbly person, I have lots of friends but have recently found myself withdrawing and feeling anxious around them. My best friends from uni all live around the country so I can't see them often, especially without money. I have pretty much always been in a relationship and being single for the last six months has been weird but good for me. However I feel too scared now to date anybody due to being hurt one to many times and having an unhealthy relationship. I find my hometown restrictive in many ways due to it's small size. People are also very gossipy here and small-minded which is hard to adjust to after being in a city. I am a 23 year old female, my parents don't understand and think I'm being dramatic - they say I have everything going for me, but I feel like I don't and that I don't deserve to be happy. I think I am suffering from major lack of self esteem but don't know how to pull myself out. I know the goals I have to achieve to get my life back on track but don't know where to start. I don't have the energy either. I can't sleep at all at the moment and keep crying all the time. I feel selfish and stupid, but my thinking is just completely negative at the moment. Can anyone help??!!!

[dailyhealing]

Hello and welcome to PC! I'm glad you are here! You started off by saying you don't know if you are suffering from depression. I obviously don't know either, but you described many of the symptoms I have when depressed. You have no energy, you can't sleep well, you keep crying all the time. That pretty much describes me in depression. Is seeking help a possibility? Going to your doctor? A therapist? Something to try and figure out what is happening with you so you can try to get better. I hear you saying you want to feel better but you can't pull yourself out of it. That is very common with depression. And that's sad that your family says you are being dramatic and that you have everything going for you. That can't help. I hope you are able to take some steps, whatever they may be, to move towards feeling better. Thanks for posting and I hope to hear more from you!

[doggiedo]

It sounds like you are going through a rough time...all of the things you are experiencing are stressful to anyone - no job prospects, finding exercise a challenge to make a priority, finding yourself, relationship concerns, etc....its a great step you have taken to be here. I agree with DailyHealing - is there anyone you might be able to talk to like a doc or a counselor? Hang in there and keep on posting...