[regretful]

Well, this morning, being Monday for me (like it is for all of us) means a return to that which depresses me more than I can imagine - my business. I intended to get up and face it; when I expressed the slightest bit of sadness about it, my wife yelled at me, asked me when my doctor visit is scheduled, told me its not soon enough, and told me she can't take it anymore. I have sympathy for her having to deal with my depression; I just want a little support...

((((Regretful)))) I am so deeply sorry that happened to you. I can totally relate as I am posting here dreading the thought of going in to the office today.

I have my own place now so I can really sympathize. I also can empathize because I cannot count the number of times I just needed some understanding and good kind motivational words from family members when I was feeling bad.

The ultimate blow off / insult for me was hearing "did you take your meds? When are you seeing dr. So and so." Ugh!

It wasnt until I got away from these toxic people that I realized THEY were contributing to the depression by invalidating and discounting my feelings.
(Not to imply your family members are, though. That was just my wacky family)

I hope it brings a tiny bit of comfort to know that you have support here and people that understand what you are going through. Some days it takes absolutely everything I have just to show up. On especially hard days / mornings I post on PC cuz I know i will receive support.

Wishing you the best. Please keep posting. You are not alone
Rose

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( regretful )))))))))))))
Invalidation like that is the pits... we understand here

[regretful]

Thanks Rose and Fuzzybear...I even got "counseled" for being on these message boards because "they don't help and you get more depressed and get nothing done."

Well, the day marches on with me getting nothing done and getting more depressed (sarcasm)...I'm getting things done and trying to feel less depressed. Your support is helpful. Thanks.

[whimsygirl]

Hi regretful....Wow I am so sorry to hear this. Very unkind. I have to be honest, as alone as I feel a lot of the time, often I think I'm better off that it's just me and my 4 cats. People can be so heartless....something I am being reminded of a lot lately in my life. Do you think your wife may just have had a moment where she kind of "snapped" because she has no power over the situation, and can not help you? Knowing her, is she someone who might say those kind of things and then apologize later? I wish I could say something that would help. Sending warm thoughts.....

[regretful]

Originally Posted by whimsygirl

Hi regretful....Wow I am so sorry to hear this. Very unkind. I have to be honest, as alone as I feel a lot of the time, often I think I'm better off that it's just me and my 4 cats. People can be so heartless....something I am being reminded of a lot lately in my life. Do you think your wife may just have had a moment where she kind of "snapped" because she has no power over the situation, and can not help you? Knowing her, is she someone who might say those kind of things and then apologize later? I wish I could say something that would help. Sending warm thoughts.....

You're right on about the snapping...it is a situation that we are both embroiled in that's causing my depression...it's a terrible situation that only seems to get worse by the minute...today's misery was compounded with a frivolous worker's comp claim filed by a current employee. For anyone out there reading this thinking of being in business for yourself, the only way you should do it is if you are the only employee. For the most part, employees think that I live in some ivory tower and am living the life of Riley (whoever that is). It's not the case...business owners are responsible for everything all the time, it's just that way. And it sucks...sucks the life out of me. I was happy before I did this. Now all I see is misery all around me...

Thanks for the support and warm thoughts.

[regretful]

It got a bit better today...now my wife and I are sharing in the misery of this business. She was just on the phone with me, tearful, and in distress, just like I am. I'm not sure if that is good or bad, but I guess I do have someone in my life who has empathy for what I am going through. Her frustrations are different than mine. And I think her reactions yesterday were just an outpouring of anger about our situation in life together. Being in business is a very difficult occupation, no matter what it is. There is an old saying that I wish I would have remembered before starting this - "never take a job you can't quit"...

Anyway, I'm rambling...feeling validated for my feelings, but no less depressed or hopeless today.

I hope it will be easier now with her on your side. It may bring the two of you closer. There's always hope. Good luck

[Leed]

Oh bless your heart! I hope this was just a one time thing, and isn't going to happen again.

You're having enough trouble without being attacked for being depressed!
It's not like we can CONTROL how we feel! We don't WANT to feel like this! And we can't HELP when our appointments are with the therapist, and we can't guarantee that we'll feel better AFTER the appointment either! Sometimes we come out feeling worse! The therapist many times delves into the past, and brings up stuff that we'd rather not remember --- and there we go again, feeling like crap! (pardon) So having someone who is supportive is really important. Getting attacked doesn't help matters. And while I realize there are problems going on, as far as the business, and the wife, etc., she has to realize that things are touchy right now and going on the attack isn't going to solve anything. If you had used that method on her, she'd go ballistic!

I'm glad it's better today, but like I said I hope it was just a one time thing and it's not going to happen again when things get hairy! You both have to TRY to compartmentalize. I wish you the very best, my friend -- and try to have a GOOD day. Take care. BIG HUGS, Lee

[misscath007]

Depression is isolating bc lots of people think they are going to catch it. I hope your wife wises up & realizes that one day it might be her needing support so she'd better be willing to offer you some now.

Some people just don't have a clue.

[adel34]

I'm so sorry your wife said that! That's terrible. I don't think people who say this stuff really get how much it hurts, or even stop to think for a minute how it would feel if they were in our place.
Would your wife consider going to a support group for family and friends of those with depression? That might help her understand a bit and get some support for herself, which might help her not dump all her feelings about it on you!

[regretful]

Thanks adel34. I think my wife does understand, and I probably should not have portrayed her in such a negative light. She has her own issues to deal with (anxiety, mood swings). I think what is going on is that she does all she can to manage her own mood problems, and when I'm doing poorly it is just too much for her to bear.

We're doing the best we can. I do think that she would benefit from some sort of support, whether it is group or individual therapy. But she's not taken a step towards that yet.

I'll keep you all posted on the progress.

Hi ((((R)))) just checking in to see how you are feeling and to see if you guys are doing/feeling a little better.

Rose