[xrecoveringsoulx]

I hate how I'm afraid to talk to people about my depression because I feel like they'll think I'm pathetic and being dramatic.

But I’m not. I feel so suffocated and trapped within the walls of my own mind. I can’t stand living in my own head and it smothers me. Too many memories… too many thoughts that I can’t escape. I try my best to distract myself which is why I overcommit myself so much, in an attempt to compensate for my traumatic past by creating a brighter future which, ironically, I can’t even see. Nothing motivates me and all I want to do is sleep. I feel like I’m living life in grayscale, and I just can’t enjoy the things I used to. I’m dead behind the eyes.

[dailyhealing]

Sorry you are hurting so much! Depression can be so isolating. Is there anyone in your life who knows, who you can talk to? It can be freeing to share that with other people, as long as they are safe to tell.

I hope you are feeling better soon, and thanks for posting! I hope to keep hearing from you on here.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by xrecoveringsoulx

I hate how I'm afraid to talk to people about my depression because I feel like they'll think I'm pathetic and being dramatic.

But I’m not. I feel so suffocated and trapped within the walls of my own mind. I can’t stand living in my own head and it smothers me. Too many memories… too many thoughts that I can’t escape. I try my best to distract myself which is why I overcommit myself so much, in an attempt to compensate for my traumatic past by creating a brighter future which, ironically, I can’t even see. Nothing motivates me and all I want to do is sleep. I feel like I’m living life in grayscale, and I just can’t enjoy the things I used to. I’m dead behind the eyes.

Hello, and thank you for posting. So sorry that you're suffering. Sounds like you're dealing with a lot of really difficult things. I don't see any clues in your post as to your age, whether or not you've ever consulted someone about the issues you mention, or for how long you've been having these kind of thoughts ~feelings. So, with all that said.....First of all, you have enough to deal with without adding worries about what other people think to the pile. Maybe, if you have not yet been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, or some other mood disorder by a physician, and started on a treatment plan (whether it be meds, talk therapy, a combination, etc.)....perhaps it may not be the time yet to share everything with your friends. Sounds like you're in a rather fragile state (believe me I've been there many, many times), and unfortunately people who have no personal knowledge of these things can make you feel even worse with the ways they might respond. And it's often not a matter of whether they care about you or not....sadly these issues can be an awkward thing for a lot of people to deal with And btw, you have no idea how much I am speaking from the heart on this. Won't go into details here....but please trust me, as a situation with the loss of my best friend is what brought me here. And just one more thought about this. It doesn't mean that later on you couldn't share all your info with your friends, just perhaps not when you're feeling so vulnerable? JMO. And btw, you are NOT pathetic, and depression IS a dramatic thing! Anyway, not to be repetitive, 'cause I already kind of mentioned this, but I do so hope, if you haven't already, that you will reach out to a caring doctor who will start you on the road to getting an accurate diagnosis as to what exactly you're dealing with and start you on the road to feeling better. Warmest wishes and hopes for better times.....

[Horsefreak1996]

Im sorry that you are suffering . I felt the same way. it can be really hard to trust someone with this part of your life. I finally caved a while ago and despite not liking to talk about it, told my best friend everything. It really does help having someone know about everything. They can help you cope and they can also help you tell others who are in a better position to help you. Feel free to PM me if you wanna talk

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by xrecoveringsoulx

I feel like I’m living life in grayscale...

Well described.