As the title suggest I am sad and lonely and tired all the time from feeling like this. I hate my life, I hate being single and being gay and hate the fact that I am never going to trust anyone again after my ex cheated on me twice in the most horrible way.

((((Button)))) I am sorry. I know you are hurting right now...I really wish I could write something so magnificent, you would magically feel better xx But the horrible fact is, breaking up / losing someone we love just plain s****. It is a pain that cannot be described. I mean it to the depths of my still healing, shattered heart and soul...three years later.

Yes, I know he wouldnt want me to feel this way and to be happy and move on with my life. But eff it. A piece of me died with him. And if he doesnt like it, too bad

What I can write is that i totally get it. And it does get better. With each day. A little better. The pain subsides. My life will never be the same ... actually it is fubar ... but i survived and am coping.
I am living my life, my new normal.

On good days, I even have a little spark of days for myself and my future. Something I never could have dreamed of a few months back.

We are here. We support you. We understand. You are not alone and people care about you. Please be good, kind and gentle with yourself.

Eat frozen yogurt.

Originally Posted by Rose Panachée

((((Button)))) I am sorry. I know you are hurting right now...I really wish I could write something so magnificent, you would magically feel better xx But the horrible fact is, breaking up / losing someone we love just plain s****. It is a pain that cannot be described. I mean it to the depths of my still healing, shattered heart and soul...three years later.

Yes, I know he wouldnt want me to feel this way and to be happy and move on with my life. But eff it. A piece of me died with him. And if he doesnt like it, too bad

What I can write is that i totally get it. And it does get better. With each day. A little better. The pain subsides. My life will never be the same ... actually it is fubar ... but i survived and am coping.
I am living my life, my new normal.

On good days, I even have a little spark of days for myself and my future. Something I never could have dreamed of a few months back.

We are here. We support you. We understand. You are not alone and people care about you. Please be good, kind and gentle with yourself.

Eat frozen yogurt.

AWh Rose(((hugs))),
It sucks breaking up sucks and thank you for your kind words and for showing me that perhaps a future is possible because so far I can't see any future only the past and it hurts so much that I can't breathe sometimes. I just wish that it didn't hurt so much. You are right about the pain and that you can't describe it, neither can I only it hurts more than a physical pain

[Mike_J]

I say skip the frozen yogurt and go straight for the Häagen-Dazs, at least that is what works for me (at least temporarily)

The end of any relationship is hard, and makes trusting again so much more difficult.

Originally Posted by Mike_J

I say skip the frozen yogurt and go straight for the Häagen-Dazs, at least that is what works for me (at least temporarily)

The end of any relationship is hard, and makes trusting again so much more difficult.

I second that, but Ben and Jerry's is nicer. What makes a break up harder to deal with is cheating...I could have gotten over this so much easier if she just said, I dont love you anymore and there was no one else involved but to cheat on me in my own house and tell lies and introduce this girl as her friend and invite her to dinner...arghhhh, it makes my blood boil

Hi Button, I just wanted to check in to see how you were doing

HI Rose,

Thank you soooo much for checking in with me, its very sweet and thoughtful of you (((HUgs))). I am doing better than the other night but its still there the sadness. Just wish it would go away forever, I just want to sleep all the time and be alone.

[layla11]

Hi Button, I hope things get better for you. I can feel your pain and know how you feel, you are not alone.

Thank you Layla

Sorry for you, Button.

I went through a very bad divorce, many years ago.
It took me a year to get over it.
One day I woke up, and the bad feelings and memories went away.

I hope for you more happiness next time around...

[continuosly blue]

I know exactly how you feel. I've had the same feelings for a long time.You have to remember that even family members and even very close " significant others ", just
don't or can't get it when it comes to give " us " what we need. But there are resources out there to help with the loneliness. The paradox is that we have a very hard time reaching out for the help we need. I say " we " in the understanding that " we" know who we are and are fellow travelers on the road of life with all it's pitfalls.

Yes we are the lost souls of the earth, doomed to be sad forever. I can't remember the last time I was genuinely happy and had a fun day, I or we are not living just merely existing on this earth.
It seems that whenever I meet someone who makes me happy they abuse me and walk away- therapists tell us about the law of attraction all the time but this sucks, how I can attract the same people with out even realising I am doing it.

Originally Posted by abscondist

Sorry for you, Button.

I went through a very bad divorce, many years ago.
It took me a year to get over it.
One day I woke up, and the bad feelings and memories went away.

I hope for you more happiness next time around...

Abscondist,
Sorry to hear of your divorce, must have been very painful...It gives me some hope that you said one day all the feelings went away, i wish that day was today or tomorrow for me. Every night I tell myself that things will get better tomorrow but they never do.

Don't take this too seriously, but I read something a long time ago about relationships in a magazine.
They said it takes average of 3 months for every year you have been w/ someone, to forget about them in a break-up, and get over it.
I was married for 3 yrs, so that would make 9 months. pretty close..

[Tommy3]

I myself am gay, most definitely don't like being single, experience loneliness and also sadness. As for trust, well it is slightly hard for me, but not because of bad relationship experiences, something else. I don't know if I can help, I'll do my best. I would suggest you try to join groups in your area that are based around interests of yours (e.g. running or book reading). This may help you connect with like-minded individuals and thus hopefully reduce your loneliness and sadness. They may also be gay groups you could join. On the other hand you could also try to be more open (I don't know if you are) about your sexuality and approach people (even those you're interested in, regarding potential partners) as friends (hope for something more than friendship, but just enjoy the experience regardless of what may or may not happen). Other people have suggested to me to get a pet, or plants to help with loneliness. I think regarding the gay aspect try not to focus to much of having a relationship (but be open to it), instead, as mentioned, approach life/activities naturally, openly and doing activities you enjoy (and enjoy it). Perhaps also try be guarded at first with people and as you get to know someone (and see them as trustworthy) open up more to them, as appropriate.

Really hope I've helped, if not, best of luck with everything nonetheless. Feel free to private message me if you'd like

[Tommy3]

Another point, perhaps focusing on other activities and keeping busy may help prevent you from thinking about your past relationship for too long; giving you the time needed to somewhat get over the past experience. A nice saying: Time heals all wounds. I would say just take it easy, be nice to yourself and wait; things will hopefully get better.

Originally Posted by abscondist

Don't take this too seriously, but I read something a long time ago about relationships in a magazine.
They said it takes average of 3 months for every year you have been w/ someone, to forget about them in a break-up, and get over it.
I was married for 3 yrs, so that would make 9 months. pretty close..

This is about right actually, I was with her for six years and its been a year and a half so maybe the good times are ahead

Originally Posted by Tommy3

I myself am gay, most definitely don't like being single, experience loneliness and also sadness. As for trust, well it is slightly hard for me, but not because of bad relationship experiences, something else. I don't know if I can help, I'll do my best. I would suggest you try to join groups in your area that are based around interests of yours (e.g. running or book reading). This may help you connect with like-minded individuals and thus hopefully reduce your loneliness and sadness. They may also be gay groups you could join. On the other hand you could also try to be more open (I don't know if you are) about your sexuality and approach people (even those you're interested in, regarding potential partners) as friends (hope for something more than friendship, but just enjoy the experience regardless of what may or may not happen). Other people have suggested to me to get a pet, or plants to help with loneliness. I think regarding the gay aspect try not to focus to much of having a relationship (but be open to it), instead, as mentioned, approach life/activities naturally, openly and doing activities you enjoy (and enjoy it). Perhaps also try be guarded at first with people and as you get to know someone (and see them as trustworthy) open up more to them, as appropriate.

Really hope I've helped, if not, best of luck with everything nonetheless. Feel free to private message me if you'd like

Thank you Tommy for taking the time to reply and for all your helpful hints. It is a sad and lonely life but I suppose life is what you make it. I do like what you are saying though, as to joining groups with like minded people, trouble is I don't really know who I am anymore or what I want but it will take sometime to find myself again.

[Tommy3]

I think if you take it just one step at a time. Any interest group(s) is good. Or even volunteering. Ask yourself what your interests are, for me it's veganism, LBGT, psychology, philosophy, nutrition/health, science fiction/fantasy and others. At the moment I attend vegan events happening in London. It's nice for me to connect with people who share the same underlying beliefs that I do regarding veganism, which in turn improves my well being.

I understand about not knowing who you are or what you want. To be honest I don't know what I want to do with my life (part of the problem for me right now) and I still have a lot of self discovery/learning to do. Take it easy, one step at a time and enjoy it.

2 nice quotes:

'A small step in the right direction is still a step in the right direction.'

'Enjoy whatever you may or may not do.'

I really do wish you all the best : )